I just found out I had herpes. My boyfriend is away at basic and will be home the begging of Nov. I want to know should I tell him in a letter or wait till I see him? He has no chance of spreading it while in basic. My concern is what way would be the best? And when I do tell him what do I tell him. Neither I nor him has cheated one of us got it from a previous partener. So how do I tell, what do I say and how do I make sure that he understands I didnt cheat?
2006-10-12 17:42:47 · 13 answers · asked by SunShineBabe 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
thats a tough one cos the moment you tell him, he will assume you have cheated. then again that depends on the type of relationship you have with him. you have to tell him as soon as possible though. how he reacts? thats the chance you are gonna have to take. but he needs to know. also if YOU got it from a previous partner chances are he wont want to know bout it. guys hate hearing bout stuff like that.
2006-10-12 17:49:37 · answer #1 · answered by marcvialli 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should wait until you see him. If you both have it, and you both trust each other, I guess it would not be such a big deal. Convincing him that you did not cheat may be difficult, unless he's the one that gave it to you and he finds out the person that gave it to him. It sounds like this situation might be difficult to resolve. Good luck!
OK, the answer below mine says that it can be spread nonsexually. Then you'd better tell him in a letter or something. This just keeps getting more and more complicated. Oh well, the solution is almost the same. Just tell him and go with it from there. Good luck!
2006-10-12 17:47:11 · answer #2 · answered by anonymous 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what your going through, i went through a similar situation myself a few months ago. If you're sure there is no chance of him spreading it, i would wait until he's back home. Big issues should be discussed in person in my opinion. Make sure he knows that you have something important to discuss with him. And lay out the basics for him. Get some pamphlets from you doctor about herpes and have them ready. Make sure you yourself are informed beforehand as well, it will give you more confidence. Good luck with this and I hope it all goes well. And as my dotor told me " No it's not curable, but there are worse things that could have happened." Please feel free to contact me if you want some more help>
2006-10-12 17:49:55 · answer #3 · answered by moddedmama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one especially because he's away right now. You can only be honest. There really is no way to prove you didn't contract herpes before you dated.
Here's an idea--When he gets home from basic tell him you've been watching and looking up on sex before marriage and thought it might be a good idea to take a test together. ((This is before you guys have sex again)) Get tested again and act shocked. That's the easiest way to get around it. You are both positive--and he cannot prove he didn't cheat and neither can you.
That is dishonest but really--he's only your boyfriend--it's not like you are married! I would really lean towards the honest route but you always have my other option. Best of luck!
2006-10-12 17:48:13 · answer #4 · answered by .vato. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just to make sure that he has no chance of thinking that, don't say anything until he comes home. When he comes home, go to the dr(or at least make him think you are/did) and tell him that you were diagnosed with it and that you want him to be tested. This way you both get tested and the dr can actually help you both at the same time and netiher is at fault and you dont have to fight over it
Good luck that is a tough one and will be a emotional subject!!!
2006-10-12 17:47:01 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, he CAN spread it. I'm not saying he's gay, but if he has an outbreak, touches it, and doesn't wash his hands properly, he can spread it. You need to send him a letter as soon as possible so that he can get tested and get treatment. Herpes is not a curable disease, and he may not be able to participate in basic training.
He may have passed it on to you, or the other way from a previous partner. Speaking of which, you need to contact your previous partners and find out if they have it. If you are not on good terms, you can give their names and phone numbers to your physician and they will contact them, and they can leave your name out of it.
I would not BS around in the letter, either. Just tell him that you love him, but that you have herpes and you need him to know.
2006-10-12 17:47:14 · answer #6 · answered by Bachman-ette 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wait till he gets home, that's a private matter. It's hard in a situation like that, if neither one has cheated, then one of you obviously got it from another partner. Best wishes on your situation
2006-10-12 17:46:45 · answer #7 · answered by dns618 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the next time you talk to him. It's possible he might not have it. He should find out as soon as possible. He simply has to take your word for it that you haven't cheated. But don't wait. It only gets harder.
2006-10-12 17:48:06 · answer #8 · answered by Steve M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really don't wanna tell you how you should say it since i don't know about your relationship but i would tell him in person letters are impersonal and like if you are hiding something, but if you tell him face to face you are showing you have nothing to hide.
2006-10-12 17:47:32 · answer #9 · answered by ??? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call or write him now so he can get himself tested,that's what you worry about first.When you find out where it came from then talk about it.
2006-10-12 17:47:53 · answer #10 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋