Any single moms out there?

Question

I'm about 5 months pregnant, and things are going very horribly with the father right now. I don't know why, but for whatever reason the last couple days I've just started to panic about being a single mom!! How am I going to do it?? How do y'all do it? I'm in the middle of getting a degree, but that's going to take longer now that I have the baby. How do you all pay for rent and car insurance and groceries and child care?? I can't imagine how hard it must be!!

The father and I are NOT together, haven't been for a while now and it's not an option.. just to maybe make things more clear

Answer 1

Hi Hun-
I was a single Mom. I did it from 21-27. I divorced my sons bio-dad when he was 2 and did the single Mom thing for 6 years before finding the right guy and getting married again.
It was really - really hard. I didn't recieve any child support- or other financial support- and had very little emotional support from family/friends. I paid bills based on who waited the longest and who could shut something off/take something away I needed.
I came VERY close to
1. Living in my car
2. Sending my child out of state to live with my Mother
3. Moving in with my brother w/ my child
Instead I got mad- I got determined. I held on to my child- and he to me and we grew up together. I worked two jobs and went to school full time. I had to sacrafice my time with him and my own comfort and relationships with others for a short time- in order to give us both a better life.
I am now 42 years old. I make a triple digit income. I have been remarried for 15 years and have another child as well.
I wish that I could find a way to reach out to more single mothers- to tell them .....you are not a victim- but a product of your choices.
You have or will bring a child into this world who didn't ask you to bring them here. They are here by your decisions. You owe them the most sacrafice you can possible make - to give them the best possible life you can make for them.
Hugs to you and yours and all single mama's everywhere.
Please feel free to e-mail me to chat.

Answer 2

Two divorces left me a single mother of four children. I hope you can work things out with your baby's father, but if not then know that you are not alone. It's not an easy road, but with a good support system, and a very strong determination it can be done. The biggest thing is to take advantage of all the help you can get! Never give up your dreams or goals. Having a child or even being a single mom doesn't mean you have to put your whole life on hold for the next 18 years, it just means that you'll need to find different ways of achieving the same goals. If your family is willing to help out, by all means take advantage of it and any programs in your area. Good Luck!

Answer 3

I am not a single mother, I have been put in a situation where I was almost a single father. My ex girlfriend was about 7 months pregnant when she had a miscarriage. The first seven months though, I worried like a sick dog, my girlfriend didn't want my baby, it caused a horrible fight, and we ended up splitting up with her carrying the baby to delivery, and I would've been the only caregiver there after. It is normal to worry about these kind of things I suppose, and being a single mother is probably going to be a difficult thing. My mom is single and raised me and my two brothers and my sister. We are now 19, 19, 20, and 13, and she made it just fine. Worrying is something you are going to do, but like the rest of this world, nothing is set in stone, and you really just have to fly by the seat of your pants for most of the time. My advice is that worrying only causes more worrying, I would just let it happen and take it one day at a time. Hopefully this helps, and I feel for you in the situation you are in. God bless, and lord knows that you will be a good parent.

Answer 4

I have a 17 and 10 yr old (by different fathers). I've been a single mom essentially for 12 yrs total. It is a challenge. Your baby's father SHOULD pay child support no matter what (whether you're together or not). Kids are expensive. I encourage you to focus on the emotional upbringing and support you can provide. Be a supportive, loving mother and ask for help in any way that you can. Kids are more expensive as they approach 10 yrs+. Maybe by then you're career will help you more. Best of luck, sweetie!

Answer 5

I'm not a single mom anymore but I was for 6 years. The first thing i can tell you is get a good support system friends family anyone who can help if only to give you someone to talk to. Second look into whatever options are avaliable to you wic foodstamps whatever there are many programs available to help you also child support honey he helped make the baby he has to help support it. It's hard being a single mom but you can do it. You'll have your good days and your bad days but for the most part it gets easier as you go along and you realize you cant stress over the small stuff just do the best you can. good luck and god bless and if you ever just need to talk email me.

Answer 6

I work part-time and receive a portion of the Sole Parenting Payments (welfare)and we get Tax Benefits for all children under a certain age (income based)... Between what I earn from my job to what I get from the government I am doing pretty good financially.

Different countries have different things on offer. But you shouldn't think that the relationship will end just because you are going through some tough times with your partner. He might just be getting nervous about becoming a dad, you didn't mention how old you both were but its a big responsibility to be a parent. Sit him down and talk to him and find out what is bothering him. He might just need some reassurance that he will be a good father.

Answer 7

That LOSER at the top should have his head kicked in, i have one son and i am over 25 weeks pregnant with my second child and both are with the same man, and we have gone thru some tough times, i have recently suggested we seperate for the sake of my sanity and health and for the health of my baby. It's hard, and the thing is with me is that i am doing this absolutly all by myself its as if he's fallen off the face of the earth and dissapeared. he has never been a main source of help, encouragment or has never actually been a great father figure, so i say i am better off without him.... you can do it to honey, it may be hard at the beggining but keep your head up and you can accomplish anything!! The man doesnt make you the woman (or the mother) you do that yourself, just worry about being a good mother to your child and God will watch over you!! Take care and if you need to talk you can email me!!!

~CHEERS!!~

Answer 8

My mom was a single mom from the time I was 8 and my brother was 6 until now that we're both adults. I think she did a great job. It is hard but you do it because you have to and it works. Watch some Gilmore Girls...not necessarily because it's realistic but because it's funny and you need to de-stress. Also, don't give up on your relationship with daddy. It could just be pregnancy stress wearing on both of you. Spend some time apart (agree on the terms...we're still together but we're not going to see each other for a week so we can cool off) and then see how it goes. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 9

Congrats on the new baby, I wish I could have another. You don't sound like you are so concerned with having someone with you, although that loneliness will set in in a couple of months, just be strong and don't settle to help alliviate that void. As far as the bills go, if you have a job, you can budget your money to pay for most everything. What you can't pay for, you can get provided from the state until you finish your degree. No one wants to be on foodstamps, but their are certain times when we must swallow our pride and accept the help. That is what it is their for. And I would rather someone like you, who is trying to better yourself, get them that someone who just refuses to help themselves. Plus, there is a program to pay for your childcare, although if you have a family member that can watch the baby, I would suggest that. I am not trying to scare you, but as a mother of 4 who has had experience with childcare workers, if I had another baby, I would quit my job to care for it. I am not saying that there aren't people out there that would care for your baby properly, but it is just so hard to find. You can also check about... I think they call it Chapter 7 housing. I had a friend who was a single mom in college and she lived in a fairly nice apartment building and her rent was paid. Let me also note that she makes 20 dollars an hour now from finishing her degree. She didn't have a job, but, she did get a child support check from the state. Yes, she learned to live meagerly, but, she made it. I mean, if you are used to having your nails done or fine dinning, you will have to suffer... lol. But you can do it, just remain determined and don't take your focus off your goal. Good luck, and Kudos.

Answer 10

I was a single mother and after three mnths i lost my job and place to live I did not see any other option so I gave my child up for addoption {out of love and concern for her well being} It is hard either way you go just pray and the lord will help you if you decide to keep you child then do not forsake your degree even if it takes you alot longer this is after all yours and your baby's future go to your guidence counceler at school when it comes to the finacial problems that you are facing they know of ways to get you help good luck