Ok...I'll try to sum up 5 years in a paragraph. I was with my ex-girlfriend for the past 5 yrs. We were engaged to be married this month. However, 3 months ago she came home & told me she wasn't in love with me anymore & that she didn't want to get married. As you can imagine that was a bit of a shock. Over the next few days I found out that she was already dating another guy. Well, that explains that part. Over the next couple months we talked maybe 3 times.
2 weeks ago she broke up with the new guy & called me. She said that she still cared about me and didn't want to lose me as a friend. That she still loved me, my family, and my daughter (who over the past 5 years had basically become her daughter) but that she still didn't want to be together. I didn't really know what to do & took the past 2 weeks to debate the situation. Well, earlier I called her & told her that I couldn't do that. I couldn't just go from being with someone for 5 years, to being friends. Any suggestions???
2006-10-12 16:00:55 · 22 answers · asked by Confused_Guy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Forget her.
2006-10-12 16:02:48 · answer #1 · answered by S h ä r k G û m b ò 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I fully understand your sentiments and feelings, however, I often ask myself what made people like each other in the first place. The main reason most people start dating is generally the physical attraction side of things, but when it gets more serious, it should have evolved into deep friendship. When one or the other partner loses the "attraction" for the other, why does it follow that the "deep" friendship vapourises as well?
Sadly in your circumstance, your ego has been hurt..... you still desire the affection and sex with this particular person, when in fact she is offering you the friendship you both once had, but without the physical. If it were me, and I am glad it isn't, I would accept the "gift" of friendship by explaining that it might take a little while to redevelop and that you would like to take it a little slow at first while you explore the possibilities of another relationship, which will hopefully fulfill your needs.
This girl has been honest with you, painful as it may seem, and friendship should never be taken lightly, as they are few and far between. I would consider recontacting her, being totally honest about your feelings and open yourself to the possibility of a lifetime with her friendship and loyalty as a mate (aussie slang for buddy). If you have friends to spare, then disregard what I have said, but if you are like most on this planet, whose true friends can be counted on one hand, then think carefully about what you have rejected.
2006-10-12 16:17:20 · answer #2 · answered by watchall_98 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think, in her defense, she was later honest with you, but still betrayed you, and I don't think, given the nature of her honesty, that it should mitigate your feelings toward her. I would say you did what was right for you. Truth is, even if you were together for 15 years, she really has no right to expect to stay in your life. If I were you, I would see her with hurt eyes, maybe hateful. Everytime she ever differed with me I could be thinking, "what right do you have to speak back to me, you *****!" I'm far the better person yet you want me humble to you?!" That's likely how I would react, or I would just be sad and unhappy. I do encourage you to ask your daughter for her input if you think she's old enough. I don't think I could be friends with you ex either.
2006-10-12 16:08:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you did the right thing. Sounds like she just doesn't want to be alone (does anyone really?) But now that she is not dating the guy she left you for, you are now "good enough" for her. Do not give her the time of day! You deserve someone loyal for yourself and your daughter!
Good luck to you!
2006-10-12 16:04:35 · answer #4 · answered by wibiggurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be friends; you can't lose on that
I know your pain. Something similar happened to me, but 5 months AFTER the wedding!
We resumed a long distance, arms-length friendship five years later.
I've met all of her husbands but two- no, she wasn't seeing anyone when she fell out of love.
2006-10-12 16:05:50 · answer #5 · answered by seeitmiway32 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing. Not a good idea to be "friends" with an ex. Luckily, the two of you didn't get married. It's easier that way.
2006-10-12 16:03:21 · answer #6 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Becoming friends is possible, but at a later time. For now though you need time to heal. You have been through an emotional roller coaster. Take time to reset your goals and re-establish your dignity.
2006-10-12 16:11:01 · answer #7 · answered by Robere 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no the problem is that u take no for an answer tell her that u love her and dont want to be friends and u had a kid together.come dont give up.it was hard getting my GF like i am 16 know when we were 14 she didnt even like me but then we had a project together and i already liked her and i said it and she likes me know were together but we broke up twice but it was confusing but were together know see i didnt take no for an answer.
2006-10-12 16:11:53 · answer #8 · answered by bloo b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing for your self and for your daugther, most of us play this game that takes us no where, but you... you put a stop to it... you can not trust some one that really hurt you... you need to move on... but without her... good luck...and stick to it.... take care of your daughter.... you will find the right person for you and your little family....
2006-10-12 16:08:53 · answer #9 · answered by Arcy ☼ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should move on with your life. She was tooo dishonest and needs to learn a good lesson. She can't have what she wants and hurt other people and thinkits ok. Leave her alone and find another woman who will love and respect you.
2006-10-12 16:04:44 · answer #10 · answered by Feelsolost 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You show an integrity and strength of character in making this choice and then being up front and honest about it. Suggestions? Keep doing what you do friend you're all right!
2006-10-12 16:03:18 · answer #11 · answered by joe 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋