My 4-year old is suddenly having separation anxiety?

Question

Or something.

Suddenly, about 3 weeks ago, my 4 year-old daughter has started crying whenever I leave her at daycare. Now, this is the same daycare she's been attending since she was 3 months old. She has lots of friends there and loves all the staff (most of whom have been there as long as she has). Before this, she hadn't had a problem about me leaving her there for at least 2 years.

There have been a lot of changes for her over the past year and I think the problem lies in there somewhere. About a 18 months ago her best friend moved away (she still talks about her a lot and wants to go to Florida to see her). Last year she lost 2 great-grandparents and one of her grandfathers. She has a new baby brother born in February (who she loves). But I think the final straw was that one of her friends started kindergarden (and left daycare) last month.

Her teacher assures me that she's fine 5 minutes after I leave but I hate to see her so upset every day. Any ideas?

Answer 1

Maybe after 4 years in daycare she just wants to be with mum?

Answer 2

Sounds like all of the happenings are causing the "anxiety". She has "lost" quite a few people very important to her over the past year. And who is more important than mommy? She may have an irrational fear of losing you as well.

I suggest spending a "special" time with her and her alone. Maybe go out on a "girl's day", where you go and do something she likes to do (eat at a favorite restaurant, visit the toy store, shopping, library, etc), and make the entire day about you and her. Make sure it is on her terms, and it is just you and her. It will show her that she is still very important to you, and you are not going to leave her. She has experienced loss, and it is very scary to her. Comfort her by showing her you are not going anywhere, and she is very important to you. She will feel much more secure, and she will move on from all of the loss knowing that you are for keeps.

Good luck!!

Answer 3

Try giving her a small wallet size picture of you or a picture of you and her and make a lipstick smooch on the back and write "mommy loves you". Tell her that if she has that picture with her, it means that you are always going to be with her, and if she feels sad, tell her to look at the picture and remember how much you love her, and that you'll see her very soon.
Annother thing that can really help when she's fussing about you leaving her and you need to go is telling her "We are going to see each other very soon, if you are a brave girl and you don't cry i'l bring you a treat when i come to pick you up" and when you pick her up give her a small candy, or a little toy. This will build up her confidence, she might be feeling vulnerable. If she cries before you leave, at the end of the day don't give her the treat, do this only if she didn't cry and fuss... eventualy it will work.

Answer 4

she really has gone through alot of changes lately. i think that could be it, right along what you were thinking. but other than that...is there maybe a new person at the daycare? maybe she is scared to be there, maybe something has happened and now she's just old enough (or recent enough) that she is displaying her distaste for you leaving. she may not know how to say if something happened, but the world we live in now, you never know. good luck, she'll get better.

Answer 5

It is a proven fact that when kids start to react in a bad way to daycare or such things as that, there is something going on that can't be right. I would make sure first that there is no abuse going on at daycare then go from there.

Answer 6

this is tough. I had bad separation anxiety through the first grade. My mom worked with me a lot, read books, consulted the school psychologist. Eventually......I turned out just fine. I would suggest asking the school about a consultation or a book referral. I wish I could remember all the tips and exercises she used, good luck to you both!!