I received an invistation from my mother for my grandmother's birthday party(87th birthday).My wife does not get along with my family at all especially my parents. My mother is very nasty to her and talks a lot of smack about her to the rest of my family. She puts her down and disrespects her and me in the process and it makes me feel very very angry that she would treat my wife in such a way. We have been recently married, i have a daughter, and my motehr blames my wife for all the problems i'm having with my ex. My ex is denying visitations and we're back in court because things fell apart partly because my ex can't handle that i'm with another woman and also because i moved 50 miles away to be with my wife.
My wife feels very uncomfortable with going to the party and says she will definitely not go. I feel that if i show up without her it looks like our marriage is failing etc. We are having a lot of problems because of all these family issues but i don't need people to rub it in.
2006-10-12 15:16:25 · 20 answers · asked by IM 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't feel comfortable going without my wife because she is my family. It jsut so happens that i would be able to bring my daughter there that day too. I would feel sort of all alone and i dont' want people having the satisfaction that they were successful in making my wife feel so uncomfortable that she won't even be with me during these kinds of family events. It makes me feel very bad that my wife won't go and i feel it's a big sign that our marriage is very weak which i do know we need to work on. Should my wife suck it up and face my family even though they have said so many nasty things behind her back. They also feel that she purposely tried to make my parents look like fools at our wedding which was so untrue. We gave my parents the opportunity to participate in a lot of thing in our wedding but they chose not to and now they blame it on my wife. I do think my wife should face my parents and my family but i dno't want her to feel so uncomfortable that we end up fighting there
2006-10-12 15:21:33 · update #1
I met my wife 3 years after i left my ex. So there was nothing all of a sudden. I forgot to add that my wife and my mother got along so well when we were in the beginning of our engagement and dating. it was when i moved out and started making my own decisions with my wife that my mother felt i was beign controlled or something. QUite frankly i couldn't wait to get the heck out of my motehr's house but i never told her how much it made me sick to be there. She swears things were fine when i was there but i was so miserable being at home which she refuses to believe when i tell her. I was miserable because my mother oversteps her boundaries into my being a father. I couldn't leave home beceuae i was stil in school but once i was making enough between me and my wife, i was out of there so i could really establish myself as a father when i visit my daughter. It was hard to stand up for myself and my fatherhood to my mother but it was easier when i didn't risk being kicked out
2006-10-12 15:27:14 · update #2
Well to anyone who wants to read this - I am his wife. And I agree with what most of you are saying. I have put myself in this predicament time and time again to satisfy his need for us to look "normal" by being in situations where I felt verbally abused or just basically ignored - just plain out nastiness.
To add to that - the invitation he got today didn't even have my name on it (we just got married 2 months ago and only people who attended our wedding would know our address). It just said "bring your daughter" and nothing else. Funny to say - the invitation came from his mother's hometown. His grandmother lives elsewhere NOT in that hometown and clearly someone else is throwing this party for her. That could mean anything - but kind of interesting.
I told him that I refuse to be humilitated, embarrassed, shunned, and treated like crap anymore in his presence. I love my husband dearly for so many reasons, but he is also not one to stick up for me all the time (even though I will acknowledge that he has and has sacrificed a lot for our being together). So for me to stand around like a chicken and feel uncomfortable around people I don't know and who have literally verbally said their dislikes of me and my family - I will not give them that pleasure. I am not here on this earth to prove anything to anyone about my marriage. The only people I need to focus on are me and him. They are going to have their views, dislikes, and hates no matter what I do - show or no show.
His mother's last message to me (only a few weeks ago) was "Thank you for ruining my son's life. You have done a great job at it." So with that said ... would you go to his mother's mother's party (I wish his grandmother the very best as she is innocent and beautiful)?
2006-10-12 16:07:37 · answer #1 · answered by actresscye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you an adult? If so, call the person who is hosting the party and talk to them about it. If your dad's new wife can't handle the fact that your mom is there that's HER issue to deal with. Neither your mom nor your grandmother should be punished because your dad's new wife is immature. That said, your mom is no longer related to your grandmother, and she has the right to invite or univite anyone she chooses. Protesting might sound like a good idea, but in the end, who benefits? Nobody. You'll miss the party and your grandmother will miss having you there. If you want to protest, tell them all how ridiculous they're being.
2016-05-21 21:52:07 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Neither one of you should go. Be a MAN and a husband and take charge. You need to tell your mother flat out that you will not tolerate her rude and disrespectful remarks about your wife in any circumstance. You are too old to bow down to your parents and let your mother behave the way she does. Send your grandmother flowers and card wishing her a happy birthday and say i wish I could be there with you signed by you and your wife. Show support for your wife and send a message to your mom and family who ALSO puts up with it that she does not own you or your life and you will not put up with it. PERIOD!
As for your ex wife, unless you married your mistress (in which case I would be a little sensitive too and even though your mom has no excuse to be mean I could understand why she would be) Your new relationship is none of her business and your relationship with her must have fallen apart LONG before you met your new wife and everyone in your family including your children need to be aware of it. But the short answer to your question is NEITHER one of you should go as a result of your family's behavior.
2006-10-12 15:26:09 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is what you need to do...
1} REFUSE to go to any family events that you and your wife are invited to until your family gives you a formal apologize.
2} TELL YOUR MOM TO GET OVER HERSELF. You are free,and at least 18 I hope.
3} Ex's are ex's for a reason. Your ex wife sounds like a major honky. But you have a beautiful daughter. So I suggest that you try for full custody if she's going to be a bugger about letting you see your daughter. What your ex is doing to your daughter is tech. child abuse. Especially if she talks bad about you or your beloved wife in front of your child. Your ex is using your daughter as a pawn and the sooner you stop it the better off your daughter wil be. Good luck! If you need more advice please let me know. email addy is goddess198222@yahoo.com
2006-10-12 15:57:06 · answer #4 · answered by Brandi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not being ugly when i say this but if you 2 have moved on then you should not be concerned with what your family thinks. You are not married to them and they do not pay the bills. Why would you let your family rule your life. Why would you want to be around them if they feel this way about you and your wife. Your problems with your ex has nothing to do with your family it has to do with you and the fact that she is using your daughter to get back at you. Your ex. is wrong for doing this and she can not keep you from seeing your daughter. She will pay for her meanest one day when it comes to your daughter. We all want to be happy and you at this point have to do what makes you happy. If i were your wife i would not go to the party either. And then i would have questions as to why you want to go? I would not want to be around people who talked all that smack...
2006-10-12 15:27:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't like my husbands family. When I am around them they are very snobby like people. I choose not to surround myself with people that make me feel this way. Especially during holiday seasons. I don't discourage my husband from going to see his family. That his is family! But, I choose to stay away. Your wife has that same right. If anyone asks why your wife didn't show up tell them the truth. Tell them that they make her feel unwelcome and she chooses not to be put into that situation. Now, if your family was to invite you to an event but make it clear that your wife was not welcome, that would be a different story. You would need to decline the offer. Go to Grandmothers birthday party and let your wife stay home if she wants. Also, talk to your wife to make sure that is what she wants! Make certain that she really does not want to go.
2006-10-12 15:27:01 · answer #6 · answered by lilmisstickletoo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I won't persuade nor insist that your wife goes. Mayb u should go, only just to show your face, perhaps. Then when u get back to your wife, take her out to dinner, just the two of you. This may avert unnecessary ill-feelings. I think at this time, your wife needs the protection of the "in-law" issues n only you can reassure her. Women r all very sensitive about how in-laws can create much pain/ obstacles in their marriage.
2006-10-12 15:28:20 · answer #7 · answered by PikC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is good that even though with all the problems that you are having with your family...you are still sticking with your wife!...i think that you should always be together and bring support to each other specially in this hard times.
Talk to her...let her know that without her you would feel uncomfortable in the party. I think she should go...not only as a support but also as a prove that she is with you and your family has to respect that fact! Let them strongly know that your relationship with her won't change because of their (specially your mom's) opinion.
Even the bible says...when you get married to someone...you have to build a life with that someone...you leave your mom, dad and house to grow old with that person you are meant to be with!
Be strong...keep focus! and i am sure everything is going to be alright...trust her and let her trust in you...two is always better than one to confront all this issues that life may bring! :)
Good Luck and God Bless!
2006-10-12 15:26:32 · answer #8 · answered by There! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This just begs the question, what were the circumstances of meeting your current wife? Because what it seems you're leaving out of this tale (reading between the lines) is that you left your ex for this other gal. Is that correct?
If so, all what you have described is understandable, coming from your family's perspective. And if the biggest thing you're worried about here is keeping up appearances, you've got far bigger issues than this party.
2006-10-12 15:20:47 · answer #9 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Neither one of you should go. It says in the bible when a man and woman marry, they become family. If your family cannot and do not accept your new wife, then it is time to say goodbye and move on. They may see the light and if they don't it is their loss................. You and your wife are the team now and she will be the one standing along side of you in the battle of life.
As for your ex, stand firm against her to, she will have to just adjust and if she don't then that is her problem too.
2006-10-12 15:23:45 · answer #10 · answered by babydoll121070 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋