Why is it that sometimes when a guy is asking a girl out, going out on the date, etc, it seems like the girl will let the guy totally screw up and not say anything? Or if the guy asks the girl for what she would like to do, she just says whatever, then lets the poor schmoe plan out an entire date, which the girl may hate and say nothing, and let him just absolutely blow it, and then never see him again?
I think I understand why some (seems like all) of you ladies do this to guys, but I want to hear it from your perspective. I want the inside skinny from ya'll. 10 points to the girl who goes the furthest in pulling back the veil on a woman's mind.
2006-10-12 14:54:39 · 14 answers · asked by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Arrgh, so many great answers, how will I choose? You ladies are doing great!
2006-10-12 15:08:58 · update #1
If a girl and a guy are going out on a date and its the first, If the guy does something to "screw the whole thing up" and she does not say anything, it is probably because she doesnt feel comfortable with him enough to correct him or tell him he is doing something wrong. If she is asked what she wants to do and insists that the guy pick (which is a submissive behvior) It may be because 1.) there really aren't a whole lot of things to 2.) on a date the guy should pay, so he should also pick what they do so hes choose how much he wants to spend.
If the guy plans out the entire date and she never sees him again, it's probably not because of what they did on the date, it has more to do with the conversation btwn the two and how well things went. -In the end it boils down to how well she liked you, and how well she liked you depends on how well you got to know eachother.
-A movie is a terrible idea for any first date because you just stare at a screen and when its over everyone is half zombified and neither of you know anything about the other except that spiders make you squirm.
2006-10-12 15:08:25 · answer #1 · answered by Jenn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A girl may not tell you that the date is going bad because that is considered rude! Depending how many times you've gone out. Why would a girl let the guy plan out the date? Well it is understood that if you ask you plan. If it is a first date a girl will not tell you what to plan, she doesn't know you, she doesn't know what kind of budget you are on...there are too many variables for her to contribute any really good ideas.
If she hates the date...how exactly is she suppose to tell you? "I hate this date, you suck!" Really, be a little understanding!
As for my perspective I think if you ask a girl some ideas. Let her give you many to pick from that way there is no pressure for you or her. But understand that if she gives you a few ideas then you must pick, or you'll look flaky.
OK I hope that helped
2006-10-12 15:04:59 · answer #2 · answered by gizbit76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something girls may never say to you or admit. When we go out with guys we are looking for first a lifemate or at least a boyfriend. If a guy plans the date the girl can see what type of taste and style he has. Who wants to be partners with someone who don't have the same interests. We let you be yourself so we can see the real you. And we like a take charge kind of guy in a good way not controlling. When dating girls it's not like multiple choice, it is more like which combination will unlock this lock. So you have to pay more close attention than guys are use to doing.
2006-10-12 15:06:01 · answer #3 · answered by barbie2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a happily married woman of 38, let me shed a little light on the situation.
First of all, this behavior is passive-aggressively hostile. And it's usually done by much younger, more insecure women, although anyone of any age or either gender can be insecure. On the surface it looks like all about being pleasing and compliant and easy-going, but it's not, always. It can be about judging others.
And it's massively unfair. A date and having a good time is all about communication. Even when I was much younger and in high school and college, if a guy asked me what I wanted to do, I told him. And the date was better for having spoken up.
The judgment comes in when women want to see how "in tune" a guy is with her and with what women like, but this is all game-playing, and it's pointless. No one can read anyone else's mind. If a woman doesn't speak up and say what she wants, then one of two things are happening: either she herself doesn't know what she wants or likes, or she's not comfortable enough in herself or with the guy to speak up.
I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to go out on many dates with a person who doesn't know his (or in this case her) own mind, and I also wouldn't want to go out on a date with anyone who's judgmental and expects the other person to read minds. I think anyone could do better with someone else!
It could also be that the guy has asked and asked for a date, so the woman goes out on the date and deliberately sabotages the guy, and no matter what is done or said, she'll find fault with it. If you're looking, you can always find fault with other people. But again, it's easier just to say, sorry, I'm just not that into you; can we just be friends? It's an "ouch" moment for the ego, but it ultimately saves time for everyone.
Hope this helps. Cheers, K, never a game-player
2006-10-12 15:01:42 · answer #4 · answered by Kate 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have acted in such a way before but I never broke up with the guy because he some how messed up. I guess I did it because I wanted to see if the guy was interested in me enough to make solid decisions and follow through. Most of the time I just sat back and stayed quiet because I wanted to get to know him-- know what he likes so I would know how to approach him on certain things. Don't get me wrong I gave my input when I felt I should...I'm not a shy person but I'm observant and quiet when I'm getting to know someone especially on a first date...If a guy asks me out I would let him pick the place and I choose the time, afterall he had the courage enough to ask me out in the first place....being confident and honest helps a lot, sometimes it has to do with comfort. The more comfortable you make us feel the more open we will become in giving our opinions and making decisions.
2006-10-12 15:08:23 · answer #5 · answered by BaBy K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I cannot speak for all girls, but I know for me, I like a guy to plan our date because it shows what kind of person he is, quiet, outgoing, fun, etc. I don't think a guy can "screw up" a date if he really invests time and planning into it. It does not matter how much the guy spends but how much attention he puts into his plans because it makes a girl feel special that someone would plan such a special and unique night for the two of them. If the girl hates it, that is on her if she did not specify what she would like to do.
2006-10-12 15:05:42 · answer #6 · answered by Rhode Island Red 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
they let you screw up because
#1 letting u no how they feel about the date (if it blows) is difficult
#2 if this is a 1st date, they want you to plan it out sometimes.. some wanna get to see what you're like and let you pick the acitivty.
btw, some dates can be horrible. girlz dont say anything about it because usually you can c signs... like, they say no when u ask them out again, (at certain times) avoid u, etc
2006-10-12 15:02:13 · answer #7 · answered by jumanjifaceee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is easy, but we never bother to explain it, usually because no man is smart enough to ask. Big points to you for wanting to know :-)
We want to see what you like to do. We want to see what your tastes are. We want to see how you spend your time. We want to see how smart you are about women. We want to see how far you will go to impress us. We want to explore you as much as we can before we open ourselves to possible hurt.
If you do a good job on your own, then we know you are worth going out with again. If you screw up, then we know you aren't worth our time. It's a small test that we put guys through to judge him. Sorry, but it's usually true. Although there are some girls that are just that indecisive or flakey, most of us are seeing what you are made of.
2006-10-12 15:03:54 · answer #8 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been single for 4 years now. I have asked my girlfriends this question when a woman asks the man out.
We go threw this too.
So please tell me, Why do men do it? Is it some kind of revenge that men seek because some woman did it to him 20 years ago and then he found someone, divorced and now every woman he comes in contact with is going to pay for it?
Sir,
How about getting to know someone before you ask them out?
By the time you do, both of you will hopefully have laid down some ground rules...the do's and don't of your relationship.
2006-10-12 15:02:15 · answer #9 · answered by Here I Am 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think women just want to see what the guy is really like; so they let him plan the date!!!
Women want men to be a bit creative
What he picks to do and how he acts on the date tells her if it's somthing she would be comfortable with in the future!!!
We don't want a guy faking like he likes to do things and then 1 year later into the relationship; she can't get him to do what he seemed to enjoy at one time!!
I met my husband at a club...he was dancing his *** off; I loved it ...we went out dancing all the time, then we married and then it comes out that he don't like to dance..he just did that for me!!
Don't pretend to be somthing your not, if she likes you..she likes you!!
Find out ahead of the date what she likes to do, then pick what you like out of her favorite things, and try doing that, then maybe things will click!!
2006-10-12 15:08:36 · answer #10 · answered by Lucky 7 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋