I need a good laugh, but please do not offend anyone!
2006-10-12 14:42:12 · 19 answers · asked by . 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Hehehehehehe Not insulting anyone I am sure there are some out there :)
2006-10-12 14:44:57 · update #1
So there are people with sense of Humor! Hey I am a U.S convert I did not loose my sense of humor guys! LOL... Inocent jokes do hurt anyone :)
2006-10-12 14:54:51 · update #2
No problem... I went to heaven and St. peter gave me a tour, He showed me the streets of gold the angels and heavenly choir.. I was having ablast.
Then Peter told me as we walked down a quiet lane to be very quiet... We went by a beautiful church with stained glass and I heard sweet singing coming from it...
After turning the corner and meeting some very kind monks I finally got up the nerve to ask.
"Hey why did we have to be so quiet when we went passed that church on the other street?"
"Oh that's the right-wing, fundamentalist Christians they think they are the only ones here!"
2006-10-12 14:47:42 · answer #1 · answered by admiredi 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
properly, that is all relative. If i pass to the YMCA and take some training of Karate, i'm technically a martial artist. As for Christian humor, i'm no longer conscious of any arise Christian comics (reliable ones besides) notwithstanding Reader's Digest might have some reliable fabric. I mean, are not getting me incorrect, a individual could be a comedian and a Christian yet i do no longer think of i've got ever heard any humorous arise comics talk approximately Chrisitianity and characteristic or no longer that is humorous. perhaps it quite is in simple terms my very own bias. yet, the ingredient can be that various atheists assume that Christianity isn't something yet a humorous tale. I see it as a constructive buffer between my lily white atheist *** and Islam yet, different than for Islam, I too see it as a humorous tale. style of like , "Yeah, the Christians are throwing marshmallows at human beings. What a gaggle of ***** however the Muslims are throwing stones at human beings so...."
2016-10-19 07:25:07 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not really a joke but something my friend did...normally I would think it's childish but it ended up being a riot. Next time you pass a church and there is a large crowd of people outside (I guess either before or right after church lets out) as your driving by yell "God went that way!" and point in a random direction....you'll be suprised to see how many people actually look in the direction you point to. I know were going to hell bla bla bla...
2006-10-12 14:46:50 · answer #3 · answered by Kevin Federline 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
This pastor was going to preach at a church for the first time. On his way there he passed the old pastor as he was leaving the church, the old pastor warned him to "Beware of Mother Green." The new pastor went on in and began his sermon when a overweight woman wearing bright green shoes and a short skirt sat in the front row. The pastor looked down and saw she was wearing no panties. He leaned over to the deacon of the church and asked "Is that Mother Green?" to which he replied "No, it's just the reflection off her shoes."
2006-10-12 14:48:27 · answer #4 · answered by jedi1josh 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think religious jokes would for the most part offend people here. Try the jokes and riddles section, there are some there. It's better to not post this here becasue most people would get offended about this subject.
2006-10-12 14:45:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Two Nuns were riding their bicycles along a cobble stone lined street in England. The Nun on the back bicycle remarked "I've never come this way before", the other nun's reply ...
"Must be the cobble stones"
2006-10-12 14:45:15 · answer #6 · answered by Myra 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Forrest Gump in Heaven
Forrest Gump died and went to heaven. When he got to the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to gain admittance, a prospective Heavenly Soul must answer three questions:
1. What are two days of the week that begin with "T"?
2. How many seconds are in a year?
3. What is God's first name?
Forrest thought for a few minutes and answered:
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
3. God has two first names, and they are Andy and Howard.
Saint Peter said, "Ok, I'll buy Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected. Technically, your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year and why do you think God's first name is either Andy or Howard?"Forrest responded, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, and so on."
"Ok then, I give," said Saint Peter. "But what about God's first name?"
Forrest said, "Well, from the song...Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own...And then from the prayer...Our Father, who art in Heaven, Howard be thy name..."
Saint Peter let him in without another word.
--------------------------------- Another one.....->
A Faithful Woman
An elderly Muslim lady was well-known for her faith and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say "Allah be praised" to all those who passed by.
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer "Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"
One night the atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and found a large bag of groceries. She raised her hands and shouted, "Allah be praised!."
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."
The old lady laughed and clapped her hands and said, "ALLAH BE PRAISED. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them!"
2006-10-12 15:04:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Oooh ooooh! You will LOVE this guy! He is absolutely hilarious! I saw him live once in the "Allah Made Me Funny" comedy tour and would go again and again if they come back!
This is his main website:
http://www.azhar.com/
These are my fave clips:
F.B.I. Follows Me
http://www.azhar.com/clips/movies/fbi_follows_me.mov
Criminal Defendants:
http://www.azhar.com/clips/movies/defendant.mov
Middle Eastern Characteristics:
http://www.azhar.com/clips/movies/mideast_characteristics.mov
Patriotic American Muslim:
http://www.azhar.com/clips/movies/patriotic_American_Muslim.mov
Spread by the Sword:
http://www.azhar.com/clips/movies/spread_by_sword.mov
Ok those were all the clips on his site but he's so funny! Lol!
I'll see if I can find more and post them. I got a huge funnybone!
Edit:
From http://haqaonline.com/multimedia/audio/Comedy/
Salam Diversity:
http://haqaonline.com/multimedia/audio/m_files/Comedy/wmp/Islamic_Comedy_Salam_Diversity.asx
I knew a Pakistani aunti who did just that exactly too, lol!
Culture vs. Religion:
http://haqaonline.com/multimedia/audio/m_files/Comedy/wmp/Islamic_Comedy_Culture_versus_Religion.asx
Media Hype:
http://haqaonline.com/multimedia/audio/m_files/Comedy/wmp/Islamic_Comedy_Media_Hype.asx
2006-10-12 14:52:53 · answer #8 · answered by hayaa_bi_taqwa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The little Jewish boy came home from school and told his mother he never had to worry about contacting a venereal disease. His mother asked why he said that? He said, in health class today, they told me that was a disease of the gentiles.
2006-10-12 14:47:24 · answer #9 · answered by parepidemos_00 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A Christian Priest, a Jewish Rabbi and a Pagan High Priestess decide one day to put aside their differences and try to coexist with one another. So they rent a boat and go on a fishing trip. They row out to the middle of the lake and start to fish.
Suddenly the Pagan High Priestess realized they all left their lunches on the beach. So she gets out of the boat and walks on the water over to the shore, grabs the lunches and walks on the water back to the boat and climbs in.
The Christian Priest cannot believe his eyes. He crosses himself and decides his eyes are playing tricks on him and goes back to fishing.
A few minutes later, the Jewish Rabbi excuses himself to go to the bathroom. So he gets out of the boat and walks on the water to the shore, goes to the bathroom, walks on the water back to the boat and climbs in.
By now, the Priest is crazy with confusion and has to try it himself. He steps onto the water and goes straight to the bottom and drowns.
The High Priestess and Rabbi look down and the Rabbi says, "I feel bad. Maybe we should have told him about those rocks."
The Pagan High Priestess says, "What rocks?"
2006-10-12 14:49:48 · answer #10 · answered by Maria Isabel 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋