my sons father tells me on how to raise my son(i listen to him because i dont wont any trouble i feel it will damage my sons emotions as he is only 3 and doesnt understand) 4 i have my son 80% of the time. i get told that im the worse mother he tells me on how long he gets his son sometimes he wont even return him and i have to go pick my son up. im not allowed to get my sons hair cut, he teaches my son that my partner doesnt want my son around and it hurts my partner alot, (this only started when my sons father found out im pregnant with my partners baby) i get told on what i can and cant do with my son and it stresses me out that it doesnt make me feel close to my unborn baby and i cant feel happy with my partner i just fake my laughter and smiles.is there any suggestions in helping me deal with my huge situation i dont want to feel this way anymore and i dont want anything to happen to my unborn baby because im stressed out all the time i just want things to be easy and stress free
2006-10-12 14:25:56 · 17 answers · asked by angel_babe_ 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You've already gotten alot of good answers so I'll just add this.
Be confident. Don't let anyone push you around,you have a say in how to raise your son. You don't have to be confident in much, just be confident in the fact that you won't screw up,and be confident in the fact the father doesn't always know best.
Don't back down unless the father listens to you and talks to you,and is reasonable enough to stop fighting you,and actually discuss things.
Also,if you don't want to challenge what's going on because you're worried about damaging your son,think who put your son in that position where he takes emotional blows,and then get him out of that position.
2006-10-12 15:01:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is your son and when you are with him you are the parent. Make the decisions you feel need to be made for your child despite what he may think. Im assuming you have the majority of the custody here so if he refuses to give your son back call the police see how he likes that wake up call. He will only try to control you if he knows he can so dont let him. Do what you need to do as a mother and besides dropping your son off and picking him up dont speak with this man as he is not worth your time. If you tells you your a bad mother or insults you in anyway just remember he is saying these things to hurt you, if your letting them hurt you then hes getting what he wants. Dont give him that satisfaction. Stay strong and love your son and your unborn baby and do what you know is best for both of them. Write him off as no longer a part of your life and dont let his petty games get to you or threaten the life of your unborn child. Lots of luck and love
2006-10-12 14:34:11 · answer #2 · answered by ragezgurl27 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have your son 80% of the time then that means you are the primary care giver and therefore get to make the final choice about situation's on getting your son's hair cut. You don't have to listen to him yell at you about poor parenting skills, if he has a problem with it have him take it to court because he would have to prove you unfit and it sounds like he is just jealious about you being with another man and having a baby by him.
His goal is to interfere with your relationship you have with this man and your unborn baby, if he cant talk to you reasonable on the phone then just hang up, because you could get him for harrassment. And for your son treating your bf mean just redirect him and dont allow him to do it because stuff like that can destory a relationship.
Also, if he does not return your son on time you can call the police and they will make him.
And you stepping up to your son's father will only help him in the long run because right now is what they are learning from.
2006-10-12 15:03:17 · answer #3 · answered by mellow_26241 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is interesting. First of all unless you have court papers signed by a judge that specifies visitation, I wouldn't take the son to see his father. Change your phone number and you might want to move. A restraining order might be a good option to. I divorced my wife several years ago and I have custody of my two sons. I have not allowed any visitation to take place for about 2 1/2 years now because of reasons far worse than what you have stated. But each case is different. You should get with a lawyer to , and make sure its a good lawyer ,just to be sure that you are not doing anything improper.
2006-10-12 14:48:47 · answer #4 · answered by ally_oop_64 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell from what you write that you have had a difficult life. I understand because I have, too.
You have a feeling inside of not being good enough. This is not an unusual reaction to being treated badly when you're young, but seriously, the best thing is to get some counseling for the depression and anxiety you are feeling.
You have the right to be happy! You have the right to enjoy your life with your son, your partner and the coming baby.
Find free counseling if you have to, but it CAN help you to have the kind of life you deserve.
2006-10-12 14:48:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where do you live. If your divorced from this man, and you are the custodial parent- you should be able to have your son's hair cut when you want done.
Don't listen to your son's father, and if he is talking like that to you, your new husband/bf should stick up for you and not allow it to happen.
If your son is being disrepectful to your new husband/ bf after a visit with his father, set him aside and let him know he is not allow to talk to him like that.
your son is young and sees all of this, it is only going to get worse as he gets older.
Is there a court order for the visitations, he has to return him on time, any extention of that is intent for kiddnapping. If he is threaten to take your son get a restraining order. I don't know where you are living...but if your in the u.s.a there are laws to protect you and your son.
2006-10-12 14:36:37 · answer #6 · answered by worththewhiskey 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your son should see a therapist to determine if his relationship with his father should be monitored through a visitation center. He should take parenting classes to learn how not to put your son into the middle of his problems. If you want to cut your sons hair do it. There is nothing he can do about it. Don't let your ex's insecurities mess with your head.
2006-10-12 14:30:05 · answer #7 · answered by erinjl123456 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You 1st meed your child to get into counciling , 2nd see a lawyer , 3rd take you ex to court so the court can see how he has been treating your son . Your ex is damaging your son and I see that you realize this . He still has a hold on you thru your son . The court will either get him to take parenting classes , so he will learn that this kind of behavior is unacceptable OR will totally revoke his parental rights . Good-Luck with this situation .
2006-10-12 14:42:00 · answer #8 · answered by jacks_girl618 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ditch the daddy.
He is negative to you and your little boy. The negativity will only corrode your new relationship, which in turn will effect your unborn bub.
It will be hard in the beginning. But will ease in time.
Your child will be more emotionally stable with a father figure who is loving and respectful to you.
Good Luck.
2006-10-13 14:10:45 · answer #9 · answered by Aussie_Tania 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible to avoid your father? Be honest with him. "You're really stressing me out, it's probably just me and the hormones, but I really can't take it anymore." Take the blame by saying "it's probably just me" but let him know it's really bothering you. Try to avoid him if at all possible. I know that I have issues with my dad and I just do my best to not make contact with him. If he calls I answer, but I don't call him. Sorry things are stressful for you! Good luck!
2006-10-12 14:35:17 · answer #10 · answered by Melissa, That's me! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋