I'm twenty one and have been in two major relationships in my life. Both of them I gave 100%. When I love someone, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for the person. I'd give my liver, or an arm, or my life just to make them happy, but my problem is i can't seem to find anyone who appreciates that about me. Both of my ex's still respect me and talk to me. Both of them tell me they didn't deserve me because I was so great to them, but both of them broke up with me. I can't change who I am so don't tell me to change because I am who I am, I just need some tips, how do you find a good man who will appreciate a good woman and not take advantage of her?
2006-10-12 14:03:02 · 13 answers · asked by curious_and_hopeful 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I also give 100% in my relationship BUT that doesn't mean I give him everything. I give him 100% of my love. When he is talking to me I give him 100% of my undivided attention..when he pays for our dates I give him 100% of my appreciation etc.
He's a great guy and I really love and appreciate him and I thank him every day for being the man that he is but he has not married me.. so he doesn't deserve everything (by your standards). You may have already met a good man (maybe even two), but you didn't hold back anything in reserve.
It is possible to give a person too much. You make yourself a doormat (in a way) and you may come across as desperate.... sorry, but that is unappealing and may be why they leave you.
You can still be who you are, just don't be so eager to give everything to one person. Specially since you aren't married. If you do that for your boyfriend what do you have that is special for the man you marry?
2006-10-12 14:18:45 · answer #1 · answered by D F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first wife had an affair. I loved her with all my life and she crushed me, took my 3 year old child and went to live with this other dude. That was 25 years ago.
Eventually I met my current wife and we have been married for 23 years. I couldn't be more happy to have found my current wife who I love dearly.
About 3 years ago, I spoke to my ex-wife about our divorce. It was the first time we had the temperament and opportunity to talk honestly. (It was at my daughter's wedding.) This is what she told me. She said that she loved me dearly and she was sorry that she hurt me. But, at the time, she felt totally smothered. I too was like you and I all but worshiped my ex-wife when we were married. She said that me putting her up on a pedestal and loving her so much put pressure on her. Like your ex, she said that it was so much pressure cause she would never be able to live up to my exalted expectations of her. That pressure led her to cheat and end up in a relationship that lasted less than a year. The way she put it, she almost made it my responsibility that we got a divorce.
I know you said you can't change. I'm saying that since you know what you've been told and you know my story, then you will have to change a little or expect to be hurt again. I have found that true love is a lot of things, but one thing it is, is a "partnership". In a partnership that means that both parties are equal. One is not better than the other. It took me a long time to learn my lesson. I hope it does not take you as long as it took me.
Yes you can love, love with all your heart, but at the same time you need to respect and honor yourself. If you don't honor yourself, then others won't honor you.
Good luck and God bless.
TX Guy
2006-10-12 14:18:24 · answer #2 · answered by txguy8800 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, we won't tell you to change, but maybe only give 50% of yourself to a relationship in the beginning and see if the other person is willing to give 50%. If you are both willing to give, then you can give more and they will match you every time. There are alot of men out there who want a free ride and they give in the beginning and when they figure they have you, they stop giving and you wear yourself out by giving all you have to give. You sound like a sweet person and deserve the best. Just don't give it all in the beginning. Keep some in reserve for when they truly love you back. You will know when the time is right.
2006-10-12 14:07:22 · answer #3 · answered by elanabutcher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're giving too much. A man likes to work for it! Your devotion is wonderful but you should save it until you know you've found someone deserving. If you give your all too soon, the man assumes he's not that special and you would've given it to anyone (not that he will know this). Too soon for full devotion is any time before you've decided--together--to make a relationship permanent.
You're also still in the learning stages of love. Your relationships weren't failures, they were learning experiences.... if you will learn from them. Check out Dr. Tracy at www.loveadvice.com. She's great.
2006-10-12 14:10:19 · answer #4 · answered by Singinganddancing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a good question and I wish I had an answer for you! Sometimes it seems the more you do for a man the less he appreciates it!
2006-10-12 14:09:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
-trust me girl it aint easy im so tired of giving up all of my precious time just like you i guess we shouldnt have to change who we are just to please somebody .i believe that there is someone out here for all of us all we have to do is never give up on finding the one that matters the most and that has to be who we are ourselves maybe we should focus on making ourselves happy for once and then see what happens ? well i wish you the best of luck and i hope you find a really nice guy one who can appreciate you for you ...take care ok .......E
2006-10-12 14:12:00 · answer #6 · answered by ellie_m1123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there isnt really anything you can do, just got to keep looking, and youll find someone, all i will say is, dont do all teh giving, let the bloke give as well, dont let him take all the time. and im afraid on finding a good bloke, its just luck, its teh same for us guys who are searching for a nice lass, its just luck.
2006-10-12 14:07:42 · answer #7 · answered by renniks90210 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont worry.... God has the right man for you. Maybe is just not the time for you to meet him. you still young dont rush things.
Im sure those 2 guys you used to date were not the ones for you.
2006-10-12 14:07:02 · answer #8 · answered by X22 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is ture that its hard to find the "right" person, since if ur too good to ur bf, they will take advatage... but some will only feel guilty for u been too good to them,... i learnt that from my past experiance with my ex-gf... appently i was too good for them... well, i still dont know what i did...
2006-10-12 14:07:37 · answer #9 · answered by Tai Chan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why did you break up with your bfs? i wouldn't take you for granted, you will just have to keep looking for mr. right and take pre-caution
2006-10-12 14:11:58 · answer #10 · answered by smash_mouth_man2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋