I know that feeling you have, that missing piece in your life. I had a father that was an abusive drunk beyond belief. If that is you I'd like to share with you what I've learned. First, it's not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you. I know the fear of having children and the fear you will be become what you hate and become abusive, that's a lie. I have rasied 3 beautiful children that walked in love and peace everyday they lived at home. The key is to give them what we didn't get..LOVE, love them like crazy, love them lavishly..love them without hesitation and I promise you it will be returned..FEAR NOT! Give them exactly what you craved, not money, they want your time...no kid ever grows up talking about Dad & Mom's money...they will remember your kindness, your time and your overflowing love for them...make them feel how special they are..GIVE out of the pain we all knew so well!
Don't live in FEAR...you can break this cycle!
You know what they need...what we needed!
2006-10-12 13:58:49 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I grew up with both an abusive father and stepmother. I was in an orphanage until I was 3, when my grandmother came and adopted me. Unfortunately, she moved to another state and "gave" me back to my abusive father. My birth mother was long gone. He got married to my stepmother who was a hellion. She constantly reminded me that I was not hers, and I was not in the deal when she married my father. My father told me time and time again he wish I was dead. I always blamed myself. No one cared, or at least I didn't think so at the time. I thought all the problems in the home were my fault. It was only through intense counseling did I come to realize it was not my fault. Hurt people hurt people.
I raised 3 beautiful children and through loving them I realized more and more that my father and stepmother did not know how to love. I often wonder if it was because no one loved them. I have forgiven them. I had to for my own sake.
2006-10-12 14:11:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My father was never a part of my life while growing up other than maybe a visit on Christmas and an occasional Easter. He was a good man however worked and supported us to a minimum degree and I have no ill feeling towards him. He is 80 now and I have a fine relationship with him. I talk to him once per week. I think it is better to have a non existent or involved father than to have a father that is abusive. We have 4 adult children one still at home and they have been lavished with love and attention sometimes I almost think maybe too much. I think people are maybe stronger individuals when they have had it harder and have had to learn to be more self reliant and independent out of necessity.
2006-10-12 14:09:12 · answer #2 · answered by SunFun 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
completely agree. My dad is a terrible individual, abusive to his kin in each way. It took me 35 years to tell my mom what he did to me at the back of closed doorways. It become like beginning a clean existence to have the skill to get him out of my existence. The cycle would not ought to proceed. I genuinely have have 4 eye-catching infants and on the same time as i'm no longer a suited mom, we've an extremely pleased and non violent existence mutually.
2016-10-19 07:21:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for "breaking the cycle". More people need to realize what you have, that regardless of what happened in your childhood, etc., that you can control your life and make a difference. It is great to hear you, as a father, have such a good outlook, keep it up! Your children are lucky to have a father who is stepping up and doing what is needed, being a loving father who values his children.
2006-10-12 14:05:04 · answer #4 · answered by star22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God bless you for this is true...also try to see that you have a Father in heaven who loves you dearly and wants to help you break free from the fear you will not be able to love your children enough...His love will help you love more than you could have ever hoped and dreamed
2006-10-12 14:05:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a fatherless daughter raised by a single mom who didn't cope very well. I have a happy marriage and am the mom of two fine boys. They are everything to me and I do plan to lavish them with LOVE for the rest of their lives. The only pains I see in my home are scraped knees, feet, elbows, fingers because boys will be boys. We buy our bandages in bulk. Hugs and kisses come in bulk too around this home.
Peace to you. I know I found it in my family.
2006-10-12 14:05:55 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, no father then a drunk step father, but I have felt no need to fill the emptiness with a mythical creature.
2006-10-12 14:05:53 · answer #7 · answered by Your Best Fiend 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was BLESSED with parents that were great!!!!!! How true your words are. We didn't have a lot of stuff,but we had parents that loved us. The things I remember are the time that we spend together. My Father died over 10 years ago, and I still miss him allot. Thanks for bring-up wonderful memories.
2006-10-12 14:08:31 · answer #8 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I grew up with a terrible father. You are so right. This question is very educational. I am glad you posted this.
2006-10-12 14:25:40 · answer #9 · answered by Jael 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I grew up like that,,I didn't turn out nothing like that,,I have love and Joy in my heart I have two great kids...They say we live by how we are taught,wrong it is a choice how you live..
2006-10-12 14:03:11 · answer #10 · answered by I give you the Glory Father ! 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋