my husband and i were married for 24 yrs still are ..he had an affair with a coworker....who is 21 yrs old.......anyway he came back home and said he was sorry will do anything to make it right blah blah......anyway 4 days into us trying to make it work he says he isnt going to quit his job due to no money bills piling up etc etc.i said i couldnt deal with him going back to work side by side with the girl he had the affair with........anyway i told him he had to leave if he went back to that job....so he did and about a month later he moved in with this girl..........then i became the bad parent tellin my i was a bad mom etc........we have 4 children..........anyway now we dont even talk ........he comes and geys the kids without sayin a word to me about anything and this was 6 months ago........how could he not feel anything at all after so long married.......i dont understad it.no guilt or anything for causing me heartache.......please advise me ..........
2006-10-12 13:01:06 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Other - Education
The only way to get over a broken heart is to take the time to move on. Don't rush into anything. Do not let it embitter you.
Heal Your Hurt
Healing your hurt is important because this is what restores your peace of mind.
It also restores your creativity and your ability to see what needs to be done.
There are two aspects of the healing process. First, you need to be willing to feel your hurt like a child. This is what releases the emotion.
Second, you need to find and dismantle the inner mechanism that creates your hurt in the first place. We'll talk more about this in the next section.
To begin the healing process, lets talk about feeling your hurt.
When you were born, you were created with the natural ability to heal hurt.
Look at little children. Little children are masters at healing hurt. When a child feels hurt, the child cries. Then, after the child finishes crying, the hurt is all gone.
Little children are able to release their hurt because they do something that we don't notice. They allow their hurt. They are totally willing to feel all their feelings and emotions.
This is the natural process for healing hurt. Hurt is just a feeling. When you allow the feeling to take its course, the feeling quickly comes and goes.
2006-10-12 13:16:05 · answer #1 · answered by CK 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1
2016-05-05 23:45:35 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll tell you: first. Learn something from this. Pain is useless and worthless if you don't get some wisdom out of it. This is happening for you to LEARN.
Lesson #1.- It was not "our marriage or your job" (his affair didn't have anything to do with the job it had to do with finding someone else)..proof of that is that he still kept a relationship with the other woman even if he left the job. So you shouldn't have told him to pick a choice.
Lesson #2.- He is now under a state of infatuation...he is not in love with the other woman, he is hypnotized by his new affair.
Lesson #3.- have you asked yourself what is it that you want? would you forgive him again? If not, why do you need to see him in pain too?
Lesson # 4.- things come to an end. Just as you have to accept it when someone you love dies, you have to accept it when the love dies.
Lesson #5.- if he can start a new life and move on, why can't you?
Lesson # 6.- marriages are never broken from the outside (not the job nor the other woman are to blame) marriages are always broken from the inside. Boredom, routine, lack of interest, taking things for granted, etc...
Lesson # 7.- Men are very prone to succumb to their ego...for a middle age man being able to find a 21 yr old lover, is a very flattering thing. He is enjoying his fat ego. But, ...you want to see him cry? wait a couple of years..the girl will dump him soon. Learn to be patient, time will do it's work.
We could go on and on with all the learning you could get out of this and grow as a person.
Read a book about "letting go"...it will help.
Good luck
2006-10-12 13:15:55 · answer #3 · answered by Mardesal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, this is a hard one but... I believe the best way to get over heartache is to find someone who is a lot worse off than you and work to help them make their life better. Get your mind off of yourself. Do something for someone else. Okay, you may not can do that much, but you can do something for someone. Do volunteer work at a hospice or a nursing home. Visit shut-ins. Share your time and your life. Be a blessing to someone else. It will make you a better person, and a better mommy too. Yes, be sure to save plenty of quality time for your loved ones! And above all, learn to forgive and forget. If you had have learned that lesson, perhaps your husband would not have left. Perhaps he would, but that is his own karma. We all have to reap what we sow, so forget about him and what he did and start sowing good things, so you can reap a great harvest. You can and should build a new life for yourself. Read some good self-help books.
You can find a ton of them cheap on ebay, or in a used book shop. To paraphrase the Army's slogan - "you can be all you want to be", if you just set your mind on it, and that includes having a healed heart. Sorry for the sermon, but I HOPE it helps you!
2006-10-12 13:27:37 · answer #4 · answered by harridan5 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to keep telling yourself that this wasn't your fault. You are a good person and deserve to be treated with respect. Affairs happen; they usually have nothing to do with you; it is the cheaters problem. Try to avoid him as often as you can and when you do have an encounter with him; be confident and strong, giving him the impression that you are moving on with your life and you don't need him. Someone will come along and treat you good and all that will be a bad dream.
2006-10-12 13:15:56 · answer #5 · answered by scrapper723 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will not get over a broken heart until you work through the issue and forgive him. That is hard to do. Forgiveness seems like you are saying they are not guilty and it is not that at all. The things he did to you and your family were awful. It takes time to get to the point where you can do that. You have to be able to say... You did this and that etc to our family and while I am not condoning what you did I will forgive you for it. I will forgive you for your verbal abuse of me and lies. I was not a bad mom and wife and I will not be made to feel guilty for the things you were doing and did to me... to us. It doesn't mean that you allow him to stomp all over you and all.
2006-10-12 13:24:52 · answer #6 · answered by rltouhe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time is the only thing to mend your heart. Dont get caught up in the games that so many of us have played.
Be honest to kids and yourself. Forgiviness is the start to true inner-peace.
2006-10-12 13:21:19 · answer #7 · answered by Wart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sitting here crying for you. i know people can be cruel. thats not right what he has done to you. im not a conselor or anything but if it was me i would get a lawyer and take him to court. especialy if children are involved.you are not a bad parent. he wants you to feel that because he wants to be the dominant one. dont let him do this to you. if you need a friend email me at ott2001hawk@yahoocom. we can talk . i will be there for you.
2006-10-12 13:20:31 · answer #8 · answered by ken o 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Know what? You've gotta stop beating yourself up and be thankful you are rid of the jerk. Now, get out there and have fun and stop letting him see you feeling so bad.
2006-10-12 13:27:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you from experience that it will hurt until you are ready to open your heart to someone else.
2006-10-12 13:09:42 · answer #10 · answered by synchronicity915 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋