I have a four year old boy. He is the youngest of three boys. He has an AMAZING imagination. I can't get over the stories he comes up with here, and at preschool, however, he also will lie when he does something wrong. (like when he cut his hair last weekend) He knows what lying is and that it is bad, but how do I teach him the difference between lying about something he has done, and telling stories. I really want him to continue with the stories.
2006-10-12 12:29:09 · 10 answers · asked by Helen T 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Just clarify it with him every time he's spinning yarns. Either tell him, or ask him, what exactly he's saying. When he begins a story, say, "Is this one of your amazing stories, honey? I love these made-up stories of yours, you're so good at this."
Emphasise the difference when you are reading him his bedtime stories. At four, he understands everything you say, don't worry. If your language is clear and simple, he understands it.
It's a lie if he expects you to believe it; it's a story if he knows you won't.
2006-10-13 14:50:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you catch him saying something that isn't true, ask him, "Is that the truth, or is that a story?" Do this regardless of whether he's lying to get out of trouble or just trying to be entertaining.
If he's honest and says, "It's a story." then simply say, "Oh, I got confused. Next time you're going to tell a story, let me know ahead of time, okay." Make a joke out of it even, "Wouldn't it be funny if [something from story] actually happened in real life?"
If he continues to lie by saying, "It's the truth." when it's not, then calmly confront him with the fact that you know it's not true. Say something along the lines of, "Now I know that's not true, because I remember when [you cut your hair last weekend or whatever] and it didn't happen like that, it happened [like this]. If he continues to lie, don't punish him (which he might see as attention and therefore a reward for bad behavior), just say, "I wish you would tell me the truth, I don't feel like I can trust you when you don't tell me the truth."
If you do both of these things, he won't stop lying, but he will let you (and his classmates) know ahead of time that he's making up a story. When he's old enough, you can introduce lessons about the kind of stories that can hurt people (lies).
2006-10-12 19:41:23 · answer #2 · answered by pritti_dayzee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, tell him the difference between using the imagination to lie or just for fun. Encourage him to draw out his stories and maybe even set up a time when the whole family gets together and he can tell his stories. Show him the difference of dishonesty by making sure he understands that lying will get him into more trouble. However I do think that if he were to tell his stories, he would just understand it after a while. Just give him time and I am sure he will rid of this habit. Good luck...
2006-10-12 20:07:17 · answer #3 · answered by Smartsrule 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try giving him consequences for lying but not for story telling first. If this works, great. If not, you might try teaching him to preface the stories with "I want to tell you a story." If he doesn't tell you that it's a story before he tells it, give him a consequence for any falsehood you hear. Or an alternative is to ask him if what he is saying is real or make believe. If he says that either a lie or a story is real, give him a consequence. If he admits to lying about his behavior, though, I would probably cut him some slack about the lying and just punish the behavior.
2006-10-12 19:38:14 · answer #4 · answered by Nicole 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel there is a big difference between wild stories and malicious lying. I do not have a problem if my kids make up fantastic stories. I think that is normal--and, as you say, indicates a good healthy imagination.
However, if it is a lie because they have done something wrong that is different. For that I punish.
I do not think the distinction is all that hard and I believe children understand.
2006-10-12 19:35:47 · answer #5 · answered by beckychr007 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to learn the differences between, wishing, pretending and stories. You could do that by giving him examples...
Once upon a time is a story, being a cowboy is pretend, and wishing is how you WISH things happened. Did you just WISH that a dragon snuck in your room, or did you do it? Calm, Mama, and very, very patient.
2006-10-12 19:37:23 · answer #6 · answered by Happy Hag 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
teach him about intent, manipulation, and deception
if he is "lieing", he is painting a picture of something in order to decieve someone, which is wrong and will make people not like him
if he is "being creative/using imagination" then he is painting a picture of something where the INTENT is to entertain and have fun/bring him CLOSER to people/gain friends
2006-10-12 19:41:52 · answer #7 · answered by trock 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
help him in writing stories. at this age, he may not be able to write them down, so you can help him with the writing. then explain to him the difference between fiction and reality. tell him that its ok to come up with stories that are not real, but that is for ENTERTAINMENT purposes only.
2006-10-12 19:38:03 · answer #8 · answered by Gumnaam1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
play a little game with him, lie to him about something he knows is not true. like when you give him milk, tell him i gave you water...of course he will let you know that what you said to him is wrong. stick to it for a few minutes, [he will get frustrated and upset about it] then explain to him how it upsets you when he lies because you know it is not true...if you do that several times on occasion, he might see it clearer about lying.....
2006-10-12 19:41:05 · answer #9 · answered by churchonthewayseniors 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
always encourage his imagination. but when he lies you need to call him on it.
2006-10-12 19:38:45 · answer #10 · answered by marydee92 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋