I know most kids her age do this, but why does my 4 1/2 yr old have no interest in a toy until her sis gets it

Question

I should have mentioned, her sister is 18 months and doesn't get sharing yet.

Marno, I don't think you read my question. No one's forcing my children to share. My older child wants the toy my younger one picks picks up no matter what it is. Thanks for the input though - a shame it wasn't relevant to the situation.

Answer 1

I go through the same exact thing!! My son is 4 and my daughter will be 2 so every time she picks something to play with he runs over and grabs it from her then she screams at the top of her lungs and goes and smacks him. I just take the toy away from him and give it back to her and try to explain to him that there is other toys to play and most of the time he just goes back to doing what he was doing and forgets it. Sometimes they fight really bad though and I have to break them up and give them a time out. They even fight over food which they both have the same of in each of their plates. They both instigate with one another and it makes me want to pull my hair out sometimes but I try to occupy them both with different things and it makes it a little easier. Hang in there and just try to direct her attention to something else when you see that she is going to take a toy or something away from her little sister. Good Luck!!

Answer 2

It sounds like she is feeling pretty powerless. She was the center of your world for almost 4 years and now she has to share you. She may be getting some attention from you when she wants what her sister has. Be it positive or negative, it's still attention.

Take a little extra time with her when her sister is sleeping. Read her a story, do an art project together, have her help you make snack or prepare dinner. She can also help with the baby (pick out an outfit, get a diaper, help feed her). Also, tell her how lucky she is to be a big sister and that she can do so much more than a baby because she is older. She should soon begin to feel more confident with the changes in her life.

Help her to feel powerful in positive ways and show her some attention. Say things like "You did that by yourself! Look how many colors you used on you picture! You can run super fast!" These phrases are great confidence builders!

Don't force her to share. A lot of parents expect their child to share but do you? It’s hard to share! Would you loan your neighbor your new dress or car? What if you were forced? How would you feel? It's essentially the same thing for children when it comes to their prized possessions. They don't want to share them either! If you force your child to share, it will only cause anger and resentment. Sharing is something that should come from the heart. I teach preschool and in my classroom this is what works. A child can use something for as long as they want. When they put it away another child can use it. The children understand the ways of our classroom and accept this. You can talk to your child in ways so that they can see another child’s point of view. "It looks like Emma really likes your toy. I bet she would like to play with it too. Maybe when you're finished she can play with it." These words may help your daughter empathize with her sister and she may share. Have your daughter pick out some things that she willing to share with her sister and put away the things she does not want to share. Remember not to force it. Let it come from the heart. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 3

Your 4 year old wants to be like her big sister. It's very common she may grow out of it. Until then just encourage her to play with things only she likes.

Answer 4

The grass is greener syndrome. Yeah, it's hard to deal with, I have trouble with that with my own daughter. Set a timer and have them take turns. Try giving the other one something to do while they wait, for example, do you want to help mommy finish coloring this picture?

Answer 5

Because when someone else shows interest in that toy it then looks important or special so they want it. also you are her older sister so she looks up to you and wants to do what you do or have what you have.