Foster child will not behave in Kindergarten?

Question

Hi, I am watching a foster child who goes to kindergarten. He has major behavior issues at school, and I'm at wits end as to an effective punishment when he misbehaves at school. I've talked to the teacher, developed a plan for how he is to be punished at school, you name it, she does it!

If he comes home and has had a bad day, I make him sit in his room and write in a notebook many times "I will behave at school" or something to that fact. If he's "good" at school, I try to reinforce this positively by allowing him to do things he likes when he gets home. My husband has even taken him out on the town the one day he came home without any warnings!

He knows what is right, what is expected of him, yet continues to do wrong at school. I do not know how to effectively deal with this situation to get him to stop misbehaving.

Unfortunately, I cannot spank him. Does anyone have any ideas of what I might do?

Thanks!

He is very smart, and ahead of most of the other classmates he has as far as reading/writing/comprehending/etc.

He can pay attention when he wants to, and is an angel at home.

He LOVES personal attention though, and will do anything to get attention. He always wants to be praised for what he does. Even when my younger children do something, he'll do the same silly thing and want to be rewarded for it.

Answer 1

Tell him to behave!

Answer 2

I would talk with the teacher. If the behavior is only happening at school, obviously something is aggitating him there. Perhaps see if she's willing to send home a sealed note each day or to call and leave a brief message about how the day went. If the child knows that you'll find out, he's more likely to tell the truth. Make it clear to him that it's better to tell the truth, even if you did something bad, than to lie... but then make that TRUE! If he tells you the truth and winds up in the same trouble he'd have gotten in if you found out later... he has no incentive to be truthful. That doesn't mean to let him off the hook either... just be more lenient. Say "you're still in trouble, but we appreciate that you were honest with us so you are only grounded from the TV for the rest of today instead of all weekend", etc. Also, by talking to the teacher, you should be able to get an idea of what he's doing to get his colors. Kindergarten is hard for some kids... and I"m sure being a foster child doesn't make it any easier. Make sure his counselor knows about this stuff too (I assume he has a counselor, being in the system?). By getting everyone (including the agency you're fostering for) involved, hopefully you can all work together to help this kid before it gets worse. Good luck!

Answer 3

Try the Token method. You reward the child with a token(s) daily or weekly or whenever they have good behavior. You'll have to really try to catch good behavior in act when he doesn't always expect it. You also take away a token(s) when they don't behave well(I wouldn't get excessive with takeaways) as it can be too discouraging. Let him put the tokens in a jar that he can watch fill up. The tokens could be 2-3 different colors if your want representing good behavior, better behavior, best behavior or they can be one color. You determine rewards for collecting a specific # of tokens, maybe 5 tokens gets him an extra 30 min outdoors or a trip to the park, maybe 20 tokens gets him a sleepover with a friend. So many colored tokens could earn him a night out bowling. You get the picture.

My 8 y/o had a really hard time adjusting in kindergarten and 1st grade. He's in the 2nd grade now and does pretty good. He's only pulled 2 cards this year so far.....yeah. But, he pulled warning cards a lot in K/g and 1st. I don't think the pull card method works very well. I think it targets kids that are more impulsive and misbehave and puts a label on the kids in the eyes of their peers...and it's embarassing and does not produce the results intended for. My son was academically advance about 2-3 levels above the average students and he was bored to death so he became easily distracted and then he would get in trouble and the teacher would have to redirect him back to the lesson.
So maybe your child is the same way. Just stay in contact with the teacher. I spoke to my son's teacher weekly and sometimes every other day and his progress. It made her more sensitive to my son's needs and his personality type and she learned how to promote a better behavior in her classroom.

I completely understand your situation. Maybe your foster child does not have ADHD but there are a lot of books that have really good tips on how to deal with defiance. Most schools have libary books on ADHD that you can check out, which is what I did.

Good luck, stay supportive, be consistent, keep in touch with his teacher, and keep the positive reinforcement going. Don't forget to take time for you. I wish you the best!

Answer 4

<> Right there tells you what the problem is. This child is STARVING for attention so badly that he will act up to get it. Making him write "I will behave in school" is only going to cause him to HATE writing as well as school. Better to give him a journal and have him write his FEELINGS in it when he feels the need to misbehave. I also very strongly suggest you seek therapy for this poor child. Something in his home life caused him to be placed into foster care, that cause is at the root of his problems and until that is worked out he will continue to seek attention anyway he can get it. You're punishments are only making the problems wrose.

Answer 5

First off, if he is being punished by the teacher he shouldn't be punished when he gets home. He is being punished twice in one day for the same thing and chances are by the time he gets home he doesnt even realize why he is in trouble. When they get older it's totally different , but not at age 5.


Does the teacher praise him and give him rewards when he is being good? If not he may just associate attention with trouble. He may be bored, does he already know what she is teaching? Have you asked him why he acts out in school? Are the other kids picking on him, is he frustrated because he doesn't understand what she is teaching? There are many things it could be, just be patient and try to figure out whats going on without bombarding him with questions while punishing him at the same time. He will be afraid of giving the wrong answer and being punished again.

Answer 6

I work with foster children .. and almost all of them act out has he been tested for adhd .. is he bored in class because he is advanced? has the teacher really tried to do anything ? or is she just reporting his behavior .. maybe he is seeking attention .. there are many things that can be wrong most foster children have been through horrific things and alot of them do not know how to behave because there parents never taught them .. there are programs you can ask his worker about I live in Las Vegas and we have a basic skills program it's where someone works with the child after school and teaches them what is appropriate behavior and what is not .. you should look into it ..it's not fair to just punish him w/ looking into the problem .. think if he was your own child would you give up so easily or try everything ... good luck

Answer 7

My first response was that he maybe emotionally immature. But when you wrote that he is smart and above average for his age and is good for you at home that changed my answer.

Did he go to preschool or is this his first real school experience? It is still early in the school year perhaps he still has some adjusting to do. If he is an angel for you and not so good for the teacher. My nephew had this problem. Your foster child wants to be home with you. The teacher maybe taking the wrong approach by thinking punishment. She needs to think praise. From what you said he eats that up. He wants to be the good one. Good Luck and Take Care.

Answer 8

I'm all for spanking but I don't think (even if you could) it would be effective at this point. My five year old cousin lives with me--he has for about two years now. He has FAS and lots of behavior issues. I put him back into pre-K to work on his social development. It's taken a lot of effort but I think we are working through all of the issues he has.

When you get word from his teacher he has had a bad day. Sit down and talk with him. Explain what he did wrong and why he is being punished. When he is good, let him know that too. Offer him different solutions to his problems--such as asking nicely instead of grabbing glue out of a little girls hands. Don't let him do something special that day for example--watch TV at night with you or your husband or have dessert. Make him go to bed earlier--tell him he needs more sleep so he can behave better in school. Explain to him if he doesn't begin to behave in school this year you will have to hold him back and repeat kindergarten again. Start a sticker program or a program where he gets rewarded for being good. If he is good let him pick out what you guys are eating that night or he gets a special trip to the park.

Most of all show your love. Kids with special needs or broken homes need support and love. Try not to make him feel excluded or disappointing. Encourage good behavior just as much if not more as you discourage bad behavior.

I know first hand its tough! Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

First, I'm so sorry to hear your story. I've heard a very similar story from a neighbor who had a foster child herself. She broke out in tears one day at school. She sought a professional help and found out about the child's family history, from how many times she's been tossed around between the relatives(no one wanted her) and the biological mother's drug addiction(since pregnancy) and etc. She wasn't told any of this when she got her.
I would seek a professional help if I were you. How much do you know about this child and the family history? He may need more help than what you can offer(seems to me you've done a great job so far). He may need a serious help and he maybe crying out for help. Good luck. God bless you.

Answer 10

Sounds like the poor little fella has been through a lot for his short life. Now everyone expects him to be in Kindergarten and behave as expected?! I feel it would be better to hold him back a year. Let him get comfortable with some stability in his life! He doesn't need punishment! He needs LOVE and patience! God only knows what he's been through. Give the kid time! What about home schooling him for awhile??

Answer 11

Is he a good kid at home? My nephew and son are like that. They act up at school but are angels at home. But, the teachers say they are good kids they just want attention or something. We try everything with my son. We have incentives at home to help at school it works for awhile and then he is at it again. Spankings don't even help for long. It's just an attention thing.