Threesome & My boyfriend?

Question

Me & My boyfriend of 1year now just started to use this book as therapy. We write back & forth to each other in it with concerns,problems or just our feelings. I recently asked my boyfriend how we could spice things up in bed..what he would like. He named a couple stuff..and then one of my questions was "Would you ever have a threesome?" And he answered "The most extreme thing i would ever do is have a threesome with 2 girls and me" Should i be hurt and angry that he told me that? We are really protective over each other..and i thought that if 2 people are in love..they respect each other not to want to do things like that.

Answer 1

well you should have know he wasnt going to go for you and another guy no dont be hurt just make sure you get to pick the other girl!!

Answer 2

Well, u asked. Respect the fact that he was HONEST with u. Aren't there things that u may want to try, but have not yet been brought to his attention? Ur thoughts could also be shocking to him. And now adays' what guy doesn't want a threesome? U should have been able to guess that as his # 1 fantasy. And here's something else to think about. Do u think that he doesn't notice or look at other attractive women when ur not around? How 'bout when the two of u r "together", do u know whether he is thinking of u or someone else? Like an actress, a singer, a porno chick? It's all about fantasy and u should not bring more than u can handle into ur relationship, that includes asking about ur significant others fantasies.
I'm pretty sure that at some time or another u'll develop ur own fantasies. It can be healthy to fantasize, and sometimes acting out those fantasies are not all that bad, they can actually be strengthening to some relationships. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I don't think you should and the guy must be a real creep to want to have a threesome with his ex girlfriend and another girl when he is soon to be married. I suggest you get away from the creep and maybe clue his soon to be bride on the jerk she is about to walk down the aisle with. Even if he has never had a threesome that should have been done back in his day or if he still wants it he should have brought it up with his fiance...

Answer 4

Noticing you are only 17 you shouldn't even be asking this question yet because you barely know yourself well enough to go there. My wife and I have had many threesomes and moresomes, BUT, we are in the 30-40 age group and have been together 8 years. We are very secure in our relationship and we have good handle on who we are as person. We're grown-up. Something you won't really figure out for another 5 - 10 years. You may think this sounds dumb now, you probably feel pretty grown-up, but someday you'll understand what I am saying.

But, in the interest of Internet posterity I'll give my answer for everyone to consider.

Respecting each other and having a threesome or moresome is two different things. You can respect your significant other to no end and still love having such sexual escapades with them.

For instance, the definition of respect is:

re·spect (r-spkt)
tr.v. re·spect·ed, re·spect·ing, re·spects
n.
1. A feeling of appreciative, often deferential regard; esteem.
2. The state of being regarded with honor or esteem.
3. Willingness to show consideration or appreciation.

Now if you love, honor, and hold above all others your significant other, how is having a threesome (if both of you want to have one) disrepecting them?

Now, coercing or manipulating the other into a threesome would be disrespect.

I respect my wife, I honor my wife, I love my wife. I would never do anything to hurt her, I would never deceive her. That is respect.

If both of you want one and are not the jealous type (which it sounds like both of you are, more on this later), than from personal experience I can tell you that it can really spice-up your relationship and bring you even closer as you realize that it is not just sex that binds you together and you rid your relationship of that jealousy.

Now the jealousy part. Based on his response "The most extreme thing i would ever do is have a threesome with 2 girls and me" tells me that he is allright with having sex with another woman and you, but he is too insecure to allow you the same experience with another man and him. This may be either because he has a thing about being in a room naked with another man, or he is insecure about you leaving him for another man if you have good sex with him. In my book, both are immature.

Should you be hurt that he told you that? Well, I wouldn't be hurt about saying "yes" to a threesome. In fact you asked him a loaded question and got an honest answer from him. It sounds like you already knew the answer you wanted and you didn't get it. Don't ask the question if you can't have an open mind about what he will answer. At least he told you the truth. What more do you want? Your answer? Well, you're two different people, so you are going to have different ideas and opinions.

But, I would kind of look at him sideways for his insecurity and selfishness that he would not consider a MFM for you, but he is all about getting his in a FMF. In my opinion, if you had a MFM fantasy and you are agreeable to fulfill his FMF fantasy, than he should be willing to fulfill yours. You may not... but the door should always be open for it to happen if you wanted.

All that said, some can do threesomes and moresomes, some can't. That's okay, everyone is different. They say that about 40% of men and women list a threesome as their #1 fantasy, yet in survey after survey only about 20% have actually done it. So for many the fantasy is better than reality. For some of us, the reality is far beyond our fantasies. ;-)

Only you can decide which is right for you. Never do something you are not comfortable with, in sex and every other aspect of your life. But, if you say "no" he should respect that and not question it and badger you about it like you'll change your mind. If you decide you'd like to try it he better also be very willing to afford you the same consideration in the situation of your choosing (MFM or FMF). If it doesn't work for either of you, than it doesn't work for both of you.

Answer 5

It doesn't mean he loves you less ... sex and love can mean two totally different things ... sex is for pleasure ... it doesn't always have to be about that special bonding blah blah blah crap ... he's thinking like most guys ... I love and respect my BF to death ... that's not going to change the fact I love being with women sexually too ... it's a new experience ... something he wants to try with you ... I've had threesomes where my BF doesn't sleep ( penetrate ) with the other girl ... if it's something you know deep down in your heart you can't do ... don't do it ... simple as that ... ask him what other things he might want to try out ... don't get upset at him for being honest .. you asked .. sometimes you don't always want to hear the truth though ... !

Answer 6

All guys are pretty much the same.... If you ask them if they would like to have a threesome, some might say yes because they are insensitive and some might say no not to hurt your feelings. But even if you are in love it doesn't matter. It's matters of the body not the heart.

Answer 7

It is a stock answer from a boy, forget about it...

He will ask you once, you will give him a slap, he will never breath a word of it again...

Every relationship in the world has had this question posed in the past at one point or another...

You could reposte by saying how about 2 guys and me....then that will give him a real nightmare as men are not really meant to ever be in a room with another naked man, and certainly not with his wonderful girlfriend in the middle

The subject will definitely never get raised again - I promise!

:-)

Answer 8

Oh hon, what a hard question for him to answer! Do you want him to be honest or do you want him to reassure you that you're 'the one and only' for him? You opened the door with your question - and honestly I'm having a hard time thinking of any man (my husband included) who would HONESTLY answer 'no, I'd never consider it no matter what.' It sounds like from his wording that he was trying to make clear that he'd never entertain the idea of having another guy join the two of you (double standard for sure but again, most guys I know would say that too!) Be proud that he trusts you enough - and your relationship - to answer honestly. Maybe your response should be something like 'hmmm, I was just curious, but don't want to try that as I'm only into you'. Then I'd say let it drop.

Answer 9

Threesomes are fun, especially if you both really like and care about the third person.

Being in love doesn't mean you can't love someone else, or desire them. Respecting each other is a whole lot more than just who you agree to sleep with.

Answer 10

I think having a threesome is wrong and disrespectful in a relationship, and I will NEVER have one. If you are a little hurt, I could understand it. But I don't think you can really be mad he told you, since you did ask.

Answer 11

That is a normal male fantasy. Don't be hurt. That's just who we are. The only thing more fantastic than having two women to myself, would be to have three women to myself. Sorry. It's not a big deal. Good Luck!