Do people have control over their children now? Is lack of spanking to blame?

Question

I'll admit it,I am extremely old school and the way children act today sickens me,school shootings,kids telling their parents to shut up,the juvenile crime rate going skyhigh,10 year olds with cell phones,12 year olds going on dates to the movies,it just blows my mind and I am only 20 years old. It might be because I was raised by old school parents though. What are your opinions?

Answer 1

Althought some people think I am oversimplistic--I think there is way too little spanking--and I believe it is an important component of raising and instilling discipline in children.Although this is a stupid analogy--a paddle does a good job of keeping the boat headed in the right direction.

Although I was spanked as a kid I was convinced in college that it was inappropriate. So I did not at first spank when I had my own kids. To make a long story short--in the course of being a Mom I changed my tune and decided my parents were not so dumb and old fashioned after all.

I know that anectodal stories are not very useful--but that is the major reason I spank--it works for me. I also think it is fairer and less mean than punishments like time outs and groundings. A spanking gets the punishment over and the air is cleared. The other things drag the thing out. I don't want to be a parental jailer. With younger kids I think the whole point of why they are being punsihed is lost. With older kids it is no more of an effective punishment and inspiration to strive for better behavior than jailing adults is.


I think if more parents would spank--and do it correctly--they would be very surprprised by the results they get. And I don't mean for every little thing but not just as a last resort either. The real key to making it work is consistency.

I should also mention all the research that has been done on this subject showing it is bad. These are all statistically flawed. Infact to the surprise of one researchers who surveyed all the research--he found it to be the most effective method of getting children to comply with the wishes of their parents. If you are interested in seeing details on these studies there is a blog entry buried on my blog called "A Critique of the Anti-Spanking Research."

There is a reason parents have been spanking since time immemorial. The anti-spanking movement is very new. And like a lot of new untested ideas I am convinced it is wrong.

Answer 2

It isn't a lack of spanking, because most parents do still spank. From what I see, it is just a lack of consistent discipline and laziness on the parents' part. I see so many parents out in public with misbehaving kids who just nag them, say "stop it" over and over again, or make all kinds of threats. They allow it to go on for way too long, and eventually, the "spanking" parent will just lose it and spank the child out of anger (which teaches nothing), and the "non spanking" parent will just eventually ignore the kids and keep letting them misbehave because they're tired of dealing with it. Either way it's not good. Whatever form of discipline you use, you give them one warning and then follow through and make sure you are not angry and have a talk with them about why they were punished. You also need to be prepared to leave places if needed! I can't stand being in a restaurant with kids behaving badly, and the parents can't or won't keep them under control, and they just keep sitting there, because it's too inconvenient for them to have to take the rest of their food home and cut the dinner short. Sorry...that's kind of part of having kids...you can't just sit in places and let your children disturb other people. And the children really should learn that if they misbehave, they don't get to have a fun night out anymore.

Answer 3

The problem is greater than that. I have smacked my children in the past, but only on the very rare occasion. I go more for thingds like time out, or taking away tv, toys or playtime.
I was necer smacked by my Dad or Mum, and I was a well behaved kid, that grew up ok.
A lack of education and the fact we are becoming so time poor because we lack the ability to prioritise is the problem. People are becoming more selfish. Some expect children to fit in around their lives, but it does not work like that.
Giving a 10yearold a mobile phone gives the parents the false idea that this will keep them safe. A 10 yearold should not be going out without parental supervision anyway.
My parents were firm but fair and always there. I hope I will be the same. Another problem is that power is being taken away from parents and teachers and others that should have authority over children. Kids almost have more rights than the parents and they know it!

Answer 4

I do not spank my children and never have.... I believe spanking a child teaches them that violence is a way to get your way....

Instead I used time-out and talk (I made sure they understood exactly what they did wrong so they were always positive why they were in being punished) when my children were small, removal of privledges and talk (see above reason) as they out grew time outs....

If control is accomplished by the use of fear and violence it is a control that is constantly tested.... If however communication, negotiation and mutually acceptable consequences are used both the parent and the child can come out feeling like winners instead of the parent feeling in control at the expense of the child...

When you were a teenager not 10 years ago people of my generation were saying the same type of things you are saying about the younger generation, about your generation..

Each generation views the generations that follow theirs as somehow broken or out of control... It happened in the 50's when teenagers got into the new fangle devils music, rock and roll... It happened in the 60's when when the message of the younger generation was peace and love..... In the 70's when disco was in... In the 80's when heavy metal and mini skirts were in (my generation)... In the 90's with rap music and goth clothing.... And it's happening today...

I personally don't think kids today are any more out of control than previous generations. I do believe with instant media coverage and 24 hour a day every 30 minutes repeat coverage of the same stories it is much more visible and pushed in everyones faces more... In every generation there have been bad apples but this new generation holds no more than previous generations they are just more visible due to the heightened flow of information...

Scandal, outrage and sensationalism sell... So you are not going to hear about the majority of teenagers who quietly go about thier lives being good citizens and respectful courteous people... You are going to hear about the minority of teenagers who get into trouble and are out of control...

While there are teenagers and younger children who do all the things you have listed they are in the minority not the majority...

Physical violence teaches children that being bigger and stronger means they can get thier way... Not exactly the lesson you want to impart when a child doesn't do something they are supposed to do...

Answer 5

The problem is not a lack of spanking. Studies have shown that about 90% of American parents do spank their children. The problem with many parents these days is that they want their children to "like" them. So they get the child everything the child wants, give in to every need, they are fearful of saying “No” because their child may throw a tantrum or feel disappointed, they can't play outside with their friends because their parents fear they will be kidnapped so they don't develop strong social skills, children are stuck indoor playing violent video games or watching violent programs, parents don't set limits, don’t know how to discipline without punishment, children are overly coddled, and because of all of these, children never learn to respect their parents. Then since the children do not respect their parents, the parents have no control of them and the child feels they do not have a "safety net" (strong parents who can set and stick by a limit provide a safety net). Children scream for limits! Plus they never allow their children to fail and when the children grow they cannot handle failure because they have never experienced it. That’s the problem!

Answer 6

I could ramble on for hours about this! I think punishiment is a chunk of it. Lack of playtime is another. Spoiling is another. Public schools is another. Kids arn't being taught the "survival skills" they need to be a productive member of society. They spend time in school learning a fraction of what was taught 30 years ago. Playing with friends after school has almost been eliminated. Realistic electronic games and tv showing sex and violence. Society seems to have forgotten that parents are here to teach their children how to be good adults, parents, members of society. Nobody is teaching them how to cope with bad days, hormones, outside influences. I think kids are overwhelmed. They have all this "stuff" being "shot" at them from all directions and they're not being taught how to really deal with any of it. I think I'll stop now....I'm getting carried away....We have a real and massive problem we share with the kids of today.

Answer 7

Well all the studies they have done on violent criminals has shown that most of them were spanked as a child and it didn't help them. I wasn't spanked and I never got into any kind of trouble. I think it's just the general lack of parenting and the fact there are so many single parents these days that has added to the current problems.

Answer 8

I don't know if it's so much as a lack of spanking than a general attitude of "my child can do no wrong, don't you dare give my little princess a dirty look, she's just expressing herself" along with the feeling of entitlement parents feel they deserve simply because they are parents.

Answer 9

feel the world is out of control we have no control over our children now a days but since we are not alowed to correct them like the earlier days if they get in trouble then we are the ones to blame

Answer 10

Most parents do not have control of their children's behavior. There seems to be a misconception that being stern is being "mean" to your kids.