She has only been with him a short while, 3 months, he is far too old for her, he is in his thirties, and she is giving up her job, everything, to move 150 miles away with him. I am worried sick, she is upset, that i am upset, but she is determined to go. She wants my blessing, but i can`t give it, i don`t really know this guy, not properly, what can i do? I won`t sleep at night.
2006-10-12 08:24:14 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Steven S, he did live here, that`s how they met, but he`s only been here 4 months or so, now she is moving back to his home city with him. Yes, i have a spouse, she is his step daughter, he loves her, and assures me she will be back, but i have to go through the worry now, while she is gone. She knows there will always be a home here for her, we love her, she knows that, she is upset, cause she has upset me, but she says she "loves" him, i know she is too young for him, and this, but hey, what do we know. I am just so worried, don`t want her to get hurt, and i will miss her so much, we are very close.
2006-10-12 08:37:14 · update #1
Old foot lo, of COURSE i have had him here, and yes, for dinner, this is my worry, he might be someone like YOU!!!!
2006-10-12 09:00:11 · update #2
That is so difficult. Okay, so she is obviously taken with him. Don't seem pissed off about it, try to sound as understandiing about it, without giving the go ahead, sit down and talk with her, try to sweetly talk her out of it? My mom's done that, with something I was set on. Not as extreme, but ti worked. I'm sorry, I don't have kids, so.. That's all I can think of. A lot of people resond better and listen when you're nice and calm, you know what I mean? I hope someone can help ya, dear. That sucks.
2006-10-12 08:29:03 · answer #1 · answered by Yeop 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I did this aged seventeen! Biggest mistake of my life! I am 36 now.
But it was MY mistake and my Mum was brave enough to see I should be allowed at 17 to make up my own mind!
Until I read your question I had quite forgotten how she kissed me goodbye with love and her blessing. She later picked up all the pieces with out ever saying, 'I told you so!'
Now I have a wonderful husband and two kids but without her blessing I would not have had the opportunity to know a good man from a bad one! I learnt the hard way but at least I learnt!
It takes a strong woman to see her child has grown! Do not lose your daughter over a man who may not even be in her life for long! Be brave! Love her through all her mistakes and never say 'I told you so!' Give your blessing because she will go anyway!
2006-10-12 23:27:09 · answer #2 · answered by Nicola H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately since she's 18 there's nothing you can really do to stop her if she's determined. I guess the best thing to do is to tell her that you will be there for her no matter what and to keep up with regular communication. Try to compromise with her, for example you could tell her that you feel that this is a very impulsive decision and you would feel a lot better if she had some type of plan in place. See if she could wait a few weeks in order to find a job. I hope that she's willing to compromise a bit. If not, you will just have to let her go and hope that she learns from her mistake. Good Luck.
2006-10-12 08:33:52 · answer #3 · answered by Secrets are best for one... 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you think she is going to go even if you disagree with her then make sure who, where exactly he lives and go meet him and maybe this will settle your nerves. I don't see why he can't come and meet you and be a man and tell you that he loves your daughter and that he will take care of her. I know he probably doesn't even own a car and still lives with his Mom and Dad. Either way It is not good for you, If you don't give your blessing then she will rebel and if you do then she might be heading into something that she can't handle. I would go and see what she is getting into. Good luck, sorry I wasn't more help. If you know his name and the county he lives in you can go to there clerk of courts website and look up any court papers or affidavits, mortgages, marriage certificates and etc..
2006-10-12 08:38:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ouch! I feel for you, Mom, because a hurried commitment is often a sign of abuse.
This is what my parents wisely did when I married Mr. Obviously Wrong:
Let her go. Attempts to hold her back will only estrange you from her. In the state of new love, she cannot see any other way but what she thinks is her way.
Give your support. You don't have to give your blessings, but let her know that your door is always welcome and the phone number still works.
Help her a little, if you can. Drop by to visit just to see her and if she needs you. If she realized that she put herself in a situation that isn't as rosy as she thought it would be, she could be hesitant to broach the subject. Listen to her and see if you can read between the lines or catch clues in her life that she really does need you.
If you feel that he is not treating her as good as you had hoped, DO NOT confront him about it! Don't even make snide comments in his presence. This will make him angry at you and he will sabotage your daughter's relationship with you, such as not relaying calls and making up lies about you. He will also take his anger out on your daughter.
If you know for certain that he physically hurt her, place an anonymous call to the police.
If she ends up in a bad situation, only she can see it for what it is before she does anything about it. He can fool her or (out of young pride) she can fool herself that all is well for a long time. If she is ever ready to leave him, don't tell her, "I told you so." or anything patronizing like that. Just be there for her and encourage her. Tell her that this is not the end of her life but the beginning and encourage her to pick up her life and go forward.
She is your baby, and I feel for you, the same way I feel for my own folks until I left the guy myself. I do hope all goes well for her and that she really did find a rare gift of good luck. You'll get through this. You're stronger than you know.
2006-10-12 08:45:53 · answer #5 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds what my mother and i are going thru right now. Only i'm 19. I met a guy when i was 14 he was 171/2. anyways he moved away and we have kept in contact..he now has a son whom he has full custody over. I am flying out tomorrow to see him for the weekend. my mom and i haven't been at our best this last week. Plus he is coming here in Nov. to stay for a week. Plus i am moving there sometime in Jan. of 07' . I feel my mother isn't understanding where i come from. Yes she doesn't want me to give up my dreams,etc..like she did but you and my mother both have to understand that we are NOT you ... let us explore what's out there and just let us leave the nest...cause one day when you are not looking she will take off without telling you cause you didn't help her or support her. I am scared of moving 3 states away etc...but i love this man ..and i bet ur daughter feels the same. Just listen to her..and let it be known that you love her and support her.
Good Luck!
2006-10-12 17:51:33 · answer #6 · answered by YEP THAT'S ME.. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is tough, I met my husband of 35 years and withing the same month we were married. There was no age difference 3 only 3 years, but I can imagine and know that my mother and father were upset, but knew that this was my choice, she is a grown woman, she trusts this man, you have to learn to trust your daughter's choice. S
Please leave the lines of communication open in case she does need you, so she won't feel like you are the last person she would call just because of pride and what you last said to each other. Because I don't think there is anything you can do legally but let her live her life now, you did a good job raising her, remind her of her moral upbringing and that there is never any shame in coming back home if she needs to, and don't forget to write.
God grant you peace of mind and the strength to accept that your daughter is now grown and must fly on her own.
2006-10-12 08:31:03 · answer #7 · answered by Neptune2bsure 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you really want to talk her out of it, then catch her when she's not busy, sit down with her and talk it over as calmly and seriously as you can. Getting mad at her will not solve anything. Try to make her understand that she has to be careful, that things aren't always as they seem. Chances are that she'll use the 'But this is different!' argument. Explain to her that no, it isn't different, that you have a lot more experience with the subject than she does and she shouldn't assume that she knows more about it than you do. If she's at all logical, she ought to listen to you. And if she's not, well, either she'll find that he's a great guy and end up happy, or she'll learn a good lesson about wisdom.
2006-10-12 08:28:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Let her know that she will not receive your blessings until you feel that you have been properly introduced.
Sounds like your daughter is just making a run for her independence, but she's going the wrong way about it.
I would recommend not holding her back. Let her know what your concerns are but do not restrain her. Allow her to make her own mistakes (as hard as that may be for you). Sometimes lessons are best learned when lived through. Be ready to catch her, not if but WHEN she falls.
2006-10-12 08:27:50 · answer #9 · answered by RivatricHistrionic 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I feel for both of you. She is torn in her desire to be "free" from her parents with the man she loves and you, as her mother knows that this is not a good idea. You can't talk her out of it or she'll end up hating you or going anyway taking hard feelings with her. The only thing you can do is offer good, sound advice as to why you wish she would stay closer to home (and even include the old man who is wanting her to go with him), give her a hug, and wish her the best. She will return home a lot sooner than she thinks. All you can do is wait on her with your arms open and no "I told you so".
2006-10-12 08:30:10 · answer #10 · answered by mvngs 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋