How should I tell him?

Question

I want to tell him that i love him.. but he tends to freak out and run when he hears it.. but i'm the first girl that he has ever lived with.. and he tells me that he cars for me greatly.. but this moring in my half sleep i told him i had something i wanted to tell him.. but didnt say it.. how should i tell him? he loves it when i am just open with him... hates notes and little things like that.. i want to tell him.. but i'm afraid of him freaking out and possibly leaving.. any suggestions..

Answer 1

If telling him that will run him off then your better off without him, I do know a way you can tell him. Get a cassette recorder with head phones and tell him that he needs to hear this, and record yourself saying his name and I love you on it and then be in front of him so you cab see the expression on his face, I would also if you don't mind, record it and send it to you tube so I can watch it, label it,"Love Expressions". Good luck.

Answer 2

It's unusual to live with someone before saying you love them, but not unheard of. I had a male roommate, and after a while of having a platonic relationship, we hooked up and dated, basically living together as boyfriend and girlfriend, but without ever having said "I love you."

I think the guy isn't so much afraid of saying "I love you" as he is afraid of the commitment that confession leads to. Since the commitment has been made silently, in the form of you two living together as boyfriend/girlfriend. Even if he's never said it, I think he does love you, if he's okay with that commitment, just not the words.

It would be unfair for him to be angry or freaked out enough to leave when he's been acting like he loves you all along.

You said the guy likes it when you're open. Tell him how you feel, but it may help to not make a production out of it. You're nervous about the outcome, so if you get him to sit down to "have a talk", but you look nervous, that can have the opposite effect on him, making him nervous or uncomfortable before the conversation begins.

Neither do you want to make it so light that he either doesn't get it or it totally throws him off. Going up to him while he's watching tv and saying, "Honey, how was your day? By the way, I love you." makes it sound flippant, so that he doesn't get the full grasp of what you're saying.

Have a talk in a neutral setting, try not to be nervous (it'll show), and don't expect much from him just yet. If he has this phobia of hearing/saying "I love you", even if he loves you in return, or at least it doesn't bother him that you love him, it'll still be hard for him to say it back. If you sit there and have this expectant look on your face, he could resent you trying to rush him into saying that, instead of allowing him time to process it. Try to be patient with him.

It's okay for him to be scared or nervous or whatever after hearing it (temporarily, anyway), but if he gets angry or leaves, he's being incredibly unfair, since he's put the relationship in a situation where you would eventually want to love him and tell him, and have him love you and tell you in return. If, after the possible initial suprise, he still can't take it, you may want to consider leaving. Not out of anger, but at that point, I think it would be unfair to you to be in a relationship where he can act like he loves you and is making a commitment, but where he denies it when it comes time to say it.

I don't know if any of this made any sense, but I hope somewhere in there you were helped.

Best of luck!

Answer 3

you need to think about why he is freaking out

does he feel too much pressure to say he loves you back?

is the relationship more serious then he can cope with?

do you guys talk about the future, when he talks of events 3, 5 years away are you just automatically in the picture.

I would hold off telling him until you get a chance to figure out whats going on with him

Answer 4

Tell him and deal with it then. He may surprise you. I mean to live together is a big step. If the relationship is good and strong its expected that love would eventually come into play, so he needs to get a grip. If he doesnt want to be IN love...he shouldnt be IN relationships.

Answer 5

Just say, I've been thinking, and you know, we are not promised tomorrow, and if something would happen to me, I would hate to think I never let you know how much I love you....he won't freak out, he is just another man that doesn't know how to express himself...good luck to u!

Answer 6

if he likes it straight up, then straight up it should be... unless you are willling to stick around and wait for him to say it first, which it may never be or take a long time to hear... just say it one night while ya'll are relaxing on the couch, in bed is NOT a good idea... then just continue on watching a program, giving him time to regroup and think about the words..... then, you may have a choice to make, depending on what you are willing to live with....... good luck and God bless

Answer 7

just say it. find a moment when you feel you want to say it, and just do it. If he runs then your better off without him. Although he obviously feels a little bit of love for you if ya'll are living together. but ya you should just do it. good luck!

Answer 8

Why is it so important to tell him? Somethings dont need to be said. Unless you say it just because you hope to get the response that he loves you too.

Answer 9

So you live together but are still uncomfortable with expressing how you feel about each other? Good luck, I hope you have fun playing house.

Answer 10

sounds like the problem is with you and your fears not with him. If you live together he knows how you feel. Just suck it up and tell him he isn't going to leave you because you tell him, that is just stupid.