So here's the deal, We have a boy and a girl. They are both wonderful kids. My wife is 28 and has had babies on her mind for a long time. I've been telling her I dont really want another and I've told her my reasons (mainly money & my content). To top things off, I'm already fixed. We are having troubling making ends meet as it is. I know there are 2 of us and it cant be just about me, but I dont think I could handle (emotionaly) another baby in the house. Any advise on what I can do to come to a comprimise?
2006-10-12 06:54:43 · 14 answers · asked by Robert San 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Emotionally = I have temper issuses, it was really bad when our kids were babies. I'm taking meds and haven't had an outburst in a long time. My wife says I've "grown up a lot" since then, but I don't know that I agree. My relationship with my family has never been better, and I attribute it to the maturity of my kids and the ability to communicate with them. My wife and I have made so much progress in our relationship. I don't want to mess any of that up. I know that I would be the cause (because of my temper).
Wife: From what she tells me, she loves having a baby in the house. Everytime she sees one, her heart aches. Wouldn't this mean that even if I did relent, we'd be back here in 2 years? She does want to have a baby, not adopt.
2006-10-12 07:53:34 · update #1
Has she told you WHY she wants more kids with the financial problems you have?
Here are some potential reasons:
1. Maybe she gets more attention from you (and everyone) when she is pregnant.
2. Does she want a big family because she came from one herself (or because she never had one as a kid)?
3. If she did come from a large family, were they poor but HAPPY?
4. Does she feel good when she is pregnant? (some women love to just be pregnant)
Also, ask yourself why you don't want more. Kids can grow up fine in a family that isn't wealthy. What is the "emotional" part about not wanting kids that you wrote about? Sleep deprivation? Is your wife upset about raising kids and this bothers you?
It is nice of you to consider her in your decision, but you both really need to talk about this...and when you are tired of talking about it, talk some more. If she were to have another baby, or adopt, when you didn't really want more, it could eventually split the two of you up.
If she doesn't have kids because you don't want any more, it could split you up as well.
Last, has she asked you to get reversed, or is she talking about adopting? Is it babies you can't deal with emotionally, or is it the idea of raising a teenager/paying for college?
I ask, because perhaps if you adopted an older child, that would solve the problem for both of you? I don't know how your wife feels, but I felt absolutely no feelings of favoritism for my daughter just because I gave birth to her. She's the love of my life, but it isn't because she looks like me. I would treat an adopted child as my own too....
2006-10-12 07:26:12 · answer #1 · answered by gg 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a difficult situation, but kudos to you for wanting to talk it out and not just leave it as "no", which could cause hurt feelings.
The most important thing is honesty. Try to be as open and honest as possible about why you do not want another child. You're right that it is your life and family as well.
You might also want to find out if there is a deeper issue with your wife. It might be that she feels unfulfilled in some way and thinks a baby will fill that void. Maybe she needs to find some activities outside the home, or socialize more. If she works, maybe she feels as if she doesn't see her family enough and thinks a new baby will bring everything together again.
My best advice is to talk with her as openly as possible. If she gets upset or defensive, take a few steps back and explain you just want to know what you can do to help make her happier.
2006-10-12 14:08:18 · answer #2 · answered by Sativa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can answer from your wife's point of view, seeing that I have 3 children and I want another baby.
My husband, who is adimit about not wanting any more children, has made it priority to show me what we would miss out on if we had another. He does things like take me out without the kids and comment on how we couldnt do that if we had an infant. He makes a point to comment on how well I have lost the baby weight and supporting me in the gym. He even went as far a to buy me a kitten. He also encouraged me to build a relationship with a pregnant co-worker who's 3 month old spends alot to time at my house with me.
What Im saying is that you have to make being pregnant and having another young child seem like a punishment for her. Then she wont want to do it.
2006-10-12 14:04:21 · answer #3 · answered by megamom1976 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your reasons for not wanting another are very responsible reasons, it is too bad your wife can't see eye to eye with you. You could consider foster care, I believe you receive money from the state to support the child. It would give her a chance to bond with a child but it wouldn't be without financial support. Do research on this first, I have a good friend who does foster care and one of the children she cares for has a lot of emotional issues. I don't know if this would be a problem if you were able to start fostering a child at a very young age, like a baby or a toddler.
2006-10-12 13:59:30 · answer #4 · answered by S. O. 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Its just something you two have to sit down and discuss. Dont argue but tlak to each other and tell each other what you are feeling. We cant tell you exactly what to do. Its between you and your wife and the best thing to do is jut be honest with each other. Then make a rational decision together. Take into account her feelings as well and she will respect yours.
2006-10-12 14:03:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOs always WIN
Its a child, If the mom and dad arn't 100% for then the no always wins. Kids need to know your in there corner.
2006-10-13 05:08:54 · answer #6 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is just getting older and has babies on the brain she will get over it soon enough if not sit down and explain the situation and try to work it out and come up with a solution
2006-10-12 14:05:33 · answer #7 · answered by mamisita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
finding a totally fair compromise in this situation is tough.
only thing that come to my mind is to make a deal to continue to solidify your current family unit, and if she feels the same way in two years, you can try.
this way, you have your own window of time to either prep yourself emotionally and continue to grow personally, or bail.
2006-10-16 07:19:03 · answer #8 · answered by depressed, newly single mom of 2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's up to you... either give in and not be all that happy about it, refuse to give in and have her not be happy about it. Or the easy way out is to have an unfortunate accident involving a blender, a rabid monkey and illegal fireworks
2006-10-12 14:06:45 · answer #9 · answered by Psionyx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about a puppy? LOL
I dont know of any other compromise. You are right if you have trouble making ends meet.
2006-10-12 14:03:41 · answer #10 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋