Ok, this is a tough one.... I'm getting married next fall, and I'm trying to figure out my bridal party. I have two very close friends, both female, that used to be in a relationship with each other. I want them both to be in our wedding party...although they are not together anymore and don't really get along anymore. Also, one of the girls is not very "girly" and would probably not want to wear a bridesmaid dress. My fiance wants to have things traditional and although he really wants her in the wedding (she's one of his best friends),but he doesn't want to have a grooms maid (if thats what you call it ). What do i do?? I really want them to be a part of our day, and dont want to hurt anyone's feelings or make anyone uncomfortable. We have known one of the girls a lot longer and met the other through them dating...Can I still ask them both to be in our wedding???
2006-10-12 06:36:30 · 26 answers · asked by legends_chick 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I say leave it up to the girls to decide. I would ask them to both be part of the wedding, considering they are both very important to you and your fiance. Let them know that the other is being asked to be in the wedding as well. Leave it up to the girls to decide if they can handle being a part of the same bridal party.
I would explain to them both (separately, of course) that it is important to both of you that each of them be in the wedding. If they can handle it, I am sure they will find a way to deal with being in each other's company.
As for the girl that is not "girly" - I would leave it up to her to decide if she'd like to wear a dress. If she accepts the offer to be a bridesmaid then leave it at that. She will figure out that she needs to wear a dress. If she declines soley because of the dress, then suggest that she be part of the day in another capacity (perhaps a role during the ceremony or perhaps she could offer a toast?).
Good luck!
2006-10-12 07:44:14 · answer #1 · answered by PT&L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have them both in the wedding!! Have one be a bridesmaid and the other could make sure everyone signs the register book or she could take the presents as the guests come in the door or if she wants to wear a tux, she could be an usher. Be creative. If all else fails ask her what she would be most comfortable doing. If she agrees to wear a dress then great, if she wants to do someting else then ask her what. I would also inform her that the ex will be be in the wedding also. That may influence her decision on what to do.
2006-10-12 09:58:47 · answer #2 · answered by country girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would call each one of the women seperately and talk to them and explain your concerns. Feel out there responses and then take your decision from there. If they know they will both be together at your wedding, maybe they can put thier differences aside for just one day, they don't really have to hang out with each other after the ceremony. You may want to talk to the non girly one and ask if she would feel more comfortable in a really nice pants suit that is the same color as in your bridal party. They have pants that almost look like long skirts that may put here at ease. You have enough time to get thier feelings on this and to try to work it out between them. Just be honest on how you feel, planning a wedding is no easy feat..get this burden off your shoulders and you will feel much better and know where they stand for your big day.
Congrats to you and good luck in your future!!
2006-10-12 06:45:10 · answer #3 · answered by tiggers123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask them over for some dinner or something. By now they should know that you are getting married, so bring up the wedding details and drop in there that both you and your husband would really love for them to be bridesmaids and how much it would truly mean to you guys. State that you know they have a rocky past, but ask, that they do this for you.
For the friend that is not too found of dresses, perhaps all the bridemaids can wear the same color dress, but different style (approved by you) so that your friend can wear something she some what feels comfortable in. Or again, just emphasize that its just for one day, and you would really appreciate her wearing the dress and that you know she'll look beautiful.
Congrads to you and good luck!
2006-10-12 06:51:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anne Marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it is your day and your friends should understand that. They will probably get along fine so they won't cause any problems for you.
If you don't think that the one girl will want to be all "girlie" ask her. Maybe she will be okay with getting dressed up. Also, you could have her be your personal attendant at the wedding. It's almost as great as being the maid of honor, but she can pretty much wear whatever she wants to.
2006-10-12 06:45:05 · answer #5 · answered by OggieHun 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should ask her to be a bridesmaid, but in a way that would allow her to decline gracefully. Is there another thing she could do such as a reading?
Don't worry about the part where the two girls don't get along. I've been in a wedding with an ex and it was a little weird, but really no big deal.
2006-10-12 08:27:00 · answer #6 · answered by Katherine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have the one who doesnt like to dress in dresses be an Usher or Greeter (or combination of the 2 if you are having a smaller wedding) and the one who likes dresses be your bridesmaid.
This solves 2 problems - First they wont be together 95% of the time, and Second The girl who doesnt like dresses wont be as uncomfortable because she could wear a nice pant suit, or even go with a tux if she felt like that.
There are also MANY other "jobs" available in a wedding... Guest Book Attendant, if one can sing you could have them do a solo for your ceremony, etc.... just use your imagination.
Good Luck and congratulations!
2006-10-12 06:53:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your "perfect wedding" involves both of them as bridesmaids, then ask them both. Make sure you mention that any fighting between them will not be tolerated. Also, as a genderqueer lesbian myself, I don't think it's too much to ask that the one go fem for a day. This is your special day and you want a more traditional appearing wedding by the sound of it. This means that the bridesmaids look like bridesmaids and the groomsmen look like groomsmen. If she feels that it would be too uncomfortable for her to pull it off, then it looks like she wasn't meant to be in the bridal party of this wedding.
2006-10-12 08:34:12 · answer #8 · answered by carora13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask them, the worst she can say is no! If the non-girly one doesn't wanna wear a bridesmaid dress, then I guess thats your answer. She needs to get over that for your big day, and the same for them not getting along. They need to come to a compromise for 1 day to make your life and your day easier! Let them know that the other one is being asked when you ask them, you don't really wanna spring that on um! Explain to them how special they are to you and your fiance and that you really want them to share your special day with you, but that the other is special to you as well, and you need them both to cooperate. you may not want to use these exact words, but basically tell them to get over themselves because that day will not be about them! Good luck with this, Weddings always seem to get trickier when you have to add other people! lol! Congrats!
2006-10-12 07:33:52 · answer #9 · answered by ASH 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you can still ask them both. Make it clear to both of them that the other is also included.
For the one that doesn't want to wear a dress, let her know that an expectation of being a bridesmaid is wearing a dress. If she isn't okay with that, then she doesn't have to be a bridesmaid. But don't not ask her just because you think she won't like to wear a dress. Just because she isn't girly doesn't mean she won't don a gown just for you.
2006-10-12 09:29:24 · answer #10 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋