Make it a quick one. Doesn't matter if its dirty or not.
2006-10-12 06:23:30 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A grasshopper walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Hey, you know there's a drink with your name?"
The grasshopper replies: "There's a drink called 'Bob'?"
2006-10-12 06:29:31 · answer #1 · answered by derrtrichard 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll become a hooker.
She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."
She's standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?" She says, "A hundred dollars."
He says, "All I got is thirty". She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks, "What can he get for thirty?"
"A hand job", Harry reply.
She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollar is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE ......
She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back to Harry, and asks, "Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"
2006-10-12 13:27:35 · answer #2 · answered by Electric 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.
A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, sir!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"
2006-10-12 15:12:13 · answer #3 · answered by Just Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted .
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: April 11, 2005
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. It's hotter than blazes down here!
2006-10-12 13:26:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yo mama like a brick always getting laid by Mexicans.
Yo mama so fat she went to McDonald's tripped over Wendy's and landed on Berger King.
2006-10-12 13:27:25 · answer #5 · answered by Zimbob 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the woods.
The bear looks down at the rabbit and asks, "Do you have a problem with poo sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit replied, "No, not at all."
So the bear wiped his butt with the rabbit.
2006-10-12 13:47:29 · answer #6 · answered by dirftwood22 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A fish ran into a concrete wall. He said, Dam.
2006-10-12 13:25:09 · answer #7 · answered by Bitsie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
2+2=273 answered 1st person
2+2=station answered 2nd person
2+2=4 answered 3 rd person , he was asked how ; simple I substracted 1 st two answeres.
2006-10-12 13:30:45 · answer #8 · answered by deepak57 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
My favorite Shakespeare knock-knock joke:
woman's voice :"Knock-knock"
"Who's there?"
"Ophelia"
"Ophelia who?"
"O-feel-ya own crotch for a change, you f-cking creep!"
2006-10-12 13:29:14 · answer #9 · answered by World Famous Neffer 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Hey, look in the mirror, :=).
2006-10-12 13:26:17 · answer #10 · answered by kekeke 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋