If you have had two loves in your life and both of them turned out to be real bad do you give up or try again?
2006-10-12 06:04:51 · 36 answers · asked by sspinnj 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would give up on them if they're bad to u they obviously can't see whats perfect about u.
2006-10-12 06:08:00 · answer #1 · answered by Baby girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you give up then what do you learn. I was married for a total of 11 years and left my husband after 8 because of a really really bad marriage and the things that happend to me I look at as a learning experience. I moved on after doing some serious soul searching about myself as a person and what I did and did not want in a realtionship. I could have given up became and angry person and said all men all dogs but you know what all men are not dogs and to me that was God's way of preparing me for the right man which I am happy to say I got. Learn from this experience sweetie, it doesnt mean give up but rather there is a lesson in it that you have yet to learn and once you do then you'll see the possibilites open up for you.
2006-10-12 06:12:08 · answer #2 · answered by Tanya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard and as painful as things are right now, you must not give up hope. However is is very important that you give yourself time to heal. I found that the best way to find love was not to make it a major priority in my life. Start doing more things for yourself to make you feel better and make sure you have a positive support group of friends and family. Different people heal at different rates, but the more you dwell on the losses the longer it will take you to heal and move forward.
Best wishes
P
2006-10-12 06:12:03 · answer #3 · answered by phoenix 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the exact same situation, I was married for 2 years, and it ended in divorce. He lied cheated and was a junkie. After 2 years I thought I had finally met the love of my life and we moved in together. Things just did not work out. It was so difficult for me to accept that I had to add another failed relationship to my list. Now I feel like i will never love anyone the way I loved and still love my ex boyfriend. Good luck! I know what you are going through its really tough but keep your head up. Try counseling it has helped me alot.
2006-10-12 06:20:15 · answer #4 · answered by SweeT 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to ask yourself - if these 2 "loves" were so bad, then why do you consider them LOVES? What does that say about your self esteem? You deserve better - everyone does. If they were that bad, then it wasn't love....even if you think it was, it was really probably something along the lines of lust or obsession, or just indulging your needy side.
You shouldn't take the attitude of "give up" or even "try again" just live your life...don't be desperate to find that elusive LOVE. It will find you - don't worry!!! When you are activly persuing "love" you tend to put that label on anything that feels good....and 9.5 times out of 10 - it's wrong.
My advice to you - be yourself, live for yourself, be compassionate to others, get involved in things that stretch your experiences (be open to new things - how do you know you don't like something unless you try it?), and if you find someone you like....don't jump to the L word, just enjoy the experience of dating someone for the fun of it. Those are the types of relationships that turn into love - not the "love at first sight" fireworks & butterfly relationships (although I know that some people do have that...most do not). Love is more mundane than that. Love is a friendship that starts to smolder...one day your eyes open up and you see someone you don't want to live without (not "can't" live without - don't WANT to live without, there's a big difference).
I'll give you an example. My friend has dreamed of that fairytale love story, eyes meet, butterflies start, first kiss the fireworks crackle....6 months later he still only looks at her....the fireworks still fly with every kiss...1 year later...sex is still as hot as the 1st time, he's responsible, rich, good looking, a perfect christian....EVERYTHING that she wants in a guy. Welp, that guy doesn't exist. She is now pushing 35 and still hasn't found love....even tho she's had several guys that would have fit the bill in many ways, none of them fit the bill in ALL ways. The thing is, you have to decide what is most important (personally I think the character and personality is most important) and look for that....and keep in mind that in real life, fireworks happen once or twice...sex is overwhelming for maybe a year (if you're lucky) then it starts to slow down....and that overwhelming sex only comes occasionally but for the most part it's loving and comforting and good...(but not GREAT) and sometimes it's even bad. Keep in mind that real life takes over and focus shifts. If a guy treats you right, respects you, and isn't repulsive to be physical with.....then maybe that is love for you. My point is that you have to look for characteristics in a man - like respect, etc.....but you have to be realistic about everything else. Don't be needy and demanding....don't find a guy, fall in "love" and set about changing them....if you have to change them, then you don't love them. (I'm not talking about guys growing up from frat guys to family guys - that happens naturally). If you can't stand their friends, then maybe they're not the guy for you (same goes with family). These things may sound strange, but believe me...they come into play later on....my best friend hated her husband's friends....after 15 years of marriage and 2 kids, he decided that he'd rather be with his friends than her. And in my own life (and several friends lives) my husband has crazy parents who interfered all the time, it eventually ended that relationship - he chose them over me. So those are things to keep in mind....his relationships are an important indicator as to how your relationship is going to be.
I got a little off track here, but the point is - what you had with the other 2 wasn't love....otherwise it wouldn't have been so bad...so don't give up but don't be obsessivly focused on it either. Just live in the now and take care of yourself and love will find you when you're ready to accept it. Most importantly, don't be quick to label any good feeling LOVE....just because you get butterflies doesn't mean it's love.
2006-10-12 06:36:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you try again!You never give up hope!It just needs some time after you get over your last love.sometimes a year.I know people who met their love of their life in their 30 years!and they had more bad loves,and have been many times dissapointed.So...don't you give up,just be patient and somewhere out there you will find something..
2006-10-12 06:24:17 · answer #6 · answered by star to fall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well.... Thats were you went wrong having TWO loves in your life. Big boo boo. Shouldnt done that. Learn from your mistakes this time and try moving on to someone new. Just give things time... Dont rush into life.
2006-10-12 06:06:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up try again. Life is all about rising when you fall. if you live a life with a motive of bringing happiness to your self and others as your way of enjoyment, your true love will find you.
2006-10-12 06:08:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had tow loves that I lost and now I am in love again with someone so keep trying but this time I am keeping my heart in a safe place and playing love game very carefully.
2006-10-12 06:09:04 · answer #9 · answered by Alisha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T EVER GIVE UP!!!! Take more time getting to know people before getting to attached. There are so many lonely people out there who are also searching.... so get going. Keep trying. You are bound to eventually find someone. Who says you have to be in a relationship ALWAYS!!! Date Date Date Date and Date some more. Enjoy it, be wined and dined, enjoy the excitement and new things to come. (I did NOT say SEX SEX SEX) I said DATE DATE DATE and HAVE LOTS OF FUN!!!!
2006-10-12 06:10:35 · answer #10 · answered by Lori 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be sad if you gave up. I don't know the cause of what happened, however if you don't love your self and care about yourself you won't move on. You need to be happy with who you are. :) corny...However it will get better everyone has a heart-break or two before you find the one. And even sometimes you have to go after who you love.
2006-10-12 06:09:04 · answer #11 · answered by Juleette 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋