after my parents divorced when i was a year old, my dad & i moved in w/ my grandma until i was 16. my dad bought her house and she built her house right next door to us. i am now 20. i still live w/ my dad, hold a job and go to college. in high school i was never allowed to hang out w/ my friends (that my grandma knew of anyway). now i feel i shouldnt have to hide the fact that i hang out w/ my friends and yes party. but now my grandma wont talk to me b/c of who my friends are. she wont even acknowlege me as her granddaughter. i wasnt even invited to my grandpa's b-day party. i dont come home drunk or anything and my grades are B average. she's making up things and telling my dad and other family members that i am smoking, having sex with minors and crap like that. she even went and called my 16yrold friends dad and told him that we r sleeping together. im also inheriting money from a dead uncle and my grandma says she wont give me the money cause im not her grandchild anymore.
2006-10-12 05:20:18 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
just to inform SALLY: "Are you too insecure to make friends of your own age bracket?" i do not age discriminate. i have friends based on maturity and common interests. i have friends in all age ranges from 15-60. "Where is she getting all these wrong ideas, by the way?" i have no clue. "Have you told your grandfather about this and asked why grandma is doing these things?" he cant speak anymore he is bed ridden "Is she maybe getting senile and acting strange in other ways?" sometimes think so "Do you and your father have a good relationship?" yes, he has already told her that she is false and needs to stop. she doesnt listen just keeps doing it.
2006-10-12 05:48:14 · update #1
Well, first of all I'm no family counselor, so don't expect a Dear Abby like response full of wisdom. What I can give you is my opinion, so just beware of any adverse effects that might occur from following it. It seems like your grandma is way out of line here, and maybe just coming out and talking to her about the way things are would help. Though from the sound of things they wouldn't; she sounds incredibly stubborn, so you might not be able talk to her about what's really happening. You could talk to other family members, and ask for their help as well, and explain that you aren't this terrible person that your grandma makes you out to be. Perhaps with the help of some other family members you could convince her to stop spreading lies, and you might even be able to have a semi-successful relationship. I would start with damage control though, and talk to the family, that way they know what is really going on, hopefully they will understand the situation. I suppose if it all comes down to it though, and you can't salvage the relationship with your grandma, and she really is withholding the inheritance money, you might just have to call a lawyer and settle it in court. I honestly hope it does not come down to that, somehow settling family matters in court just does not seem right, but unfortunately it may just be necessary. Hope this helped.
2006-10-12 05:31:09 · answer #1 · answered by generic_tipo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are 20 years old, you are no longer a child, you are an adult. Your grandmother cannot control what you do now and, furthermore, she cannot withhold inheritance money from you legally. Get an attorney if she tries. It concerns me that you are hanging out with 16 year olds, though. That is not normal at your age. Adults don't hang out with teeny boppers. Are you too insecure to make friends of your own age bracket? You should be cultivating adult relationships by now. Where is she getting all these wrong ideas, by the way? Have you told your grandfather about this and asked why grandma is doing these things? Is she maybe getting senile and acting strange in other ways? Do you and your father have a good relationship? If so, he should believe you over your grandmother. Talk to him about the whole situation and see if he won't help you. If he can't, then go to a college counselor and ask how to handle this situation. There are usually free counseling services at colleges.
2006-10-12 12:40:57 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shame, Grandma thinks she is your mother, and that is because she has been living close by most of your life. At 20 I think that you should have a bit of freedom to go out to parties and with friends. You seem to be doing well in school as well. Have a chat to your dad (he does have a say) and explain to him how you are feeling. Maybe he can speak to grandma and enlighten her on how different things are with the younger people these days, an to give you a bit of space. Its hard for her to let go and accept that you are grown up and dont need her so much. I know because I am a grandma to a 17 year old. I take her to parties and pick her up. I give advice to her when asked, but definitely dont tell her what she can and cant do. Her mother and father and I (granny) trust her. Hope it works out for you honey.
2006-10-12 12:27:41 · answer #3 · answered by Vonnie S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Generally grandmothers are fussy, old-fashioned, and may not really understand you. Theres a huge communication barrier between you and her.
Its a difficult situation cos' you cant really be rude to her, or hurt her feelings, as well as risking your inheritance. But a suggestion would be to really really put a full stop, with the help of your father, cos' your father would know better to communicate with your grandmother than yourself. Its not just telling her that she is false, your father would have to really make her see that you have grown up and you know exactly what you are doing.
I guess, your grandmother has taken matters into a differetn dimension, first by talking about ''sexual activities'' which she is really not sure of, and also making it worse by talking to the other members of the family. And the worst fact is that she has ''disowned'' you, which is really not nice of her, unless ofcourse you may have done something really drastic for her to talk, or react in that way.
So, assess yourself, talk to your dad, or finally, just move out. But never move out on bad terms. You must be assertive and show her that she is absolutely wrong....
good luck !
2006-10-12 13:10:20 · answer #4 · answered by arya 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has disowned you for having a life? Sounds like granny needs some professional help. This is very sad, you have had to hide your friends for so long, it's time for you to take a stand! If your uncle has given you an inheritance, granny won't be able to keep you from it. She is not above the law! Best of luck to you.
2006-10-12 12:29:39 · answer #5 · answered by janet r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to be rude but your grandmaother needs to grow up and start acting like an adult or at least a grandmother. Your family members should know you better then that, make time to visit those relatives to prove to them that you are not like that, geez you are an adult what is she going to do if you got married, and it is not up to her if you get the money from your uncles that passed away. I suggest talking to the old witch and voicing your opinion to her. It is not like you got pregnant at the age of 13 and are living off her. Gee you work and you go to school.
2006-10-12 12:49:52 · answer #6 · answered by whats up all 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your grandma is just being a grandma...miserable, old and afraid. Believe it or not she cares for you and she doesn'tt want to see you get hurt. Try telling ur dad to talk to her about how you feel if you can't get through to her. She may or may not understand but just try to reassure her that you love her and you know she cares about you but you have to live your life now the way she once did. Try introducing ur friends to her too...maybe that will help - Good luck :))
2006-10-12 12:23:52 · answer #7 · answered by Miss Thang 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just try to talk to her. Tell her youre old enough to handle and take care of yourself. Dont accuse or yell at her cause that will make everythin just worse but show her that you are not a little girl anymore. in all cases make sure she knows you love her.
2006-10-12 12:27:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its about time your grandma got her act together.just let her get on with it she will see the light one day,and ask your dad to have a word with her and tell him how its up setting you,all so tell him about the money he may sort that out for you, anyway good luck i hope it all works out for you.
2006-10-12 12:32:46 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sound like your Grandma saved your and your Dad's butts years ago and you should be greatful. So you don't get the money...go on with your life.
2006-10-12 12:25:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋