I am due to marry next year and the plans were going well until I mentioned my kids coming to my wedding as bridesmaid and usher, whereupon my ex stated that she would be visiting her family nearby on the day. She crashed my sister's wedding uninvited last year and caused no end of havoc. I fear that she will do the same on mine. Both my fiancee and I would be upset if the kids couldn't come but would be more upset if our day was ruined my an unwanted visitor. If you were in my shoes, how would you deal with this?
2006-10-12 04:01:00 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Well, you have two options. You could lie and say your wedding is a different day and have the kids visit you that weekend. But, she could always find out and crash it anyway.
The second option is for you to post two very big guys at the front door of the church and when she arrives, have them tell her she was not invited and that she is not going to cause trouble. Then they are to make sure she gets in her vehicle and drive away. If she refuses, to leave then they are to call the police and have her arrested very quietly outside the church or at least have the police talk to her and insist that she leave. Make sure they do this outside and so that the ceremony is not disturbed. I am horrified that she would make such a scene in front of her kids. She must be extremely bitter. I hope your day goes well and this advice helps.
2006-10-12 10:08:04 · answer #1 · answered by country girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not invite her as well, she's the mother of your kids, am sure your children will be happy if she's there as well. As their mother, She would want to watch her children perform as bridesmade and usher, she's maybe not interested in you getting married, maybe she just wanna witness or watch your chldren there, maybe take some photos or videos of them.
Talk to her, that's the best solution. Who knows if you do, she wont really go there after all. Just try to talk to her first, ask her if she wanna be there tell her she's welcome. But dont warn her and say, yes you can attend my wedding but dont cause havoc, coz, as this might make matters worst. If you cant be nice to her coz of what she's done on ur sister's wedding, just pretend to be nice... just for ur big day!
If these doesnt work and you feel that she is really gonna ruin it, then its time to take the next step like call tell the police beforehand.
2006-10-12 13:08:23 · answer #2 · answered by -j4n3- 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has no right for you not to see your kids. as for her seeing some relatives on the same day as your wedding it propbably bollocks. And if it is true can she not rearrange it for another day as it is your wedding!
More than likely she'll do it again if she did it to your sister.
Talk to her like adults(not like a child as thats what she sounds she is), dont get mad or raise your voice at her no matter how pissed off you are.
Tell her it would mean the world to you if your children came. Also, how old are your children ask them if they want to come? Im sure they'd love to be a bridemaid and usher.
I'd definately up the security. make sure you know whos coming in or out.
Otherwise you could just put posters up with her name and picture up everywhere stating 'beware, mad women likes to destroy weddings' up all around where you live and where the wedding will be, she'll be really embarrased and not want to show her face.
Hope you find a solution, have a great wedding!
2006-10-12 06:36:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cant give you an answer. I saw something similar on tv and they got a restraining order and security... but I think that can hurt your day too. The stress of will she/won't she.
I would try and get as many people to talk her out of this as possible, including yourself. Then you'll know more what her thoughts are regarding your day.
I feel if you go aggressively at this, she will come back two-fold. Try and be as gentle as you can. Listen and pretend you hear her, shes still angry and you've got sometime before the wedding to dissipate that. Do your best to. Good luck.
2006-10-12 04:14:55 · answer #4 · answered by zara c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I assume that your children live with your ex, so she holds all the cards here, because I at the end of the day, she has the power to say whether your children will be allowed to attend or not. If I was you, I would say to her that she would be most welcome to attend your wedding ceremony, so she could see your children all dressed up performing their bridesmaid and usher duties, but that the reception is off-limits. You can say to her that you understand that she won't want to come to the reception and face everyone after she humiliated herself at your sister's wedding, but that you would be quite happy for her to come and see the children do their bit!
I sympathise with you, my partner's ex is a nightmare, and I can understand that you don't want her there at all but at least by inviting her she can never say to your children that their dad has behaved unfairly towards her.
Also, you don't say how old your children are, but I sincerely hope they are old enough to know that they really want to go to your wedding, and I hope they pester their mum until she eventually gives in!
I wish you and your fiancee the very best of luck, and I hope you have a wonderful day.
2006-10-12 04:18:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is what I would do have your kids in the wedding meaning she will probably be the one bringing them as terrible as it may be let her stay as well just so that she wont try and turn the kids on you and not let them attend. The minute that she opens her big mouth and starts trouble call law enforcement or already have one there this is your big day dont let this jealous ex ruin it. Do what you have to do so the both of you can be happy ever after and congratulations on your big day I hope she doesnt ruin it for you.
2006-10-12 04:07:57 · answer #6 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well its a tough one, the age of the kids matters really, if they are young it wont matter too much, but if they are older it probably will bother them...Best thing i would suggest is, keeping the location secret or changing it since you say she is visiting family nearby, put security on the door, and/or do the easy thing and get a restraining order on her so she cannot come within 10 miles of you in which case if she were to crash your wedding, she would immediately be arrested and charger :) xxx
2006-10-12 04:04:51 · answer #7 · answered by Tamara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In addition to a small security staff, contact your local prosecuting atty's office and have them issue a warning to her. Make sure you cite her behavior at your sister's wedding and any other unstable behavior towards you and your fiance since then. Also, get the kids way in advance of the wedding--see if your parents or in-laws can help. That way, you dont have to worry about her dropping them off the day of the wedding and she will have no reasonable explanation for being near the event. Congratulations!
2006-10-12 06:36:05 · answer #8 · answered by CelebrityAppeal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eek, not a good situation! Id get a restraining order against her - based on her bahviour at your sister's wedding.
Id inform the police of your worries and see what they say.
Finally, have you got any large built mates who could act as security? Or hire someone for the day to keep an eye out for her. Sorry to hear you have this to deal with as well as the other planning, I hope your big day goes to plan xx
2006-10-12 06:22:33 · answer #9 · answered by Secret Squirrel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would go and speak to her for a starting point really as if she is the mother of your children then you dont want to be taking a restraining order out on her really do you?
I would explain to her for obv reasons you dont want her there etc etc. and say how youd like the children to be there and explain that you are worried she is going to just turn up.
and see what she says and take it from there before starting a great big row.
failing that then i would talk to ur fiancee and maybe think about inviting her to some of it say the night time reception that way she can turn up if she wants but on ur terms! i highly doubt tho that she will just turn up and if she does the only person she will be upsetting is herself, plus she'd be making a fool of herself and she wont wreck ur day it will be the best day ever and if she does turn up ignore her and carry on regardless she cant wreck the fact that u 2 are happy and she cant stop you from getting married!
2006-10-12 04:11:13 · answer #10 · answered by princesssp8 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋