we are planning to marry this coming year 2007.she stays far from me and i am afraid that she is cheating on me but i am very serious about her.we have stayed in an affair for 2 years .so i want to find a criteria to use for monitoring her seriousness
2006-10-12 02:51:18 · 66 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
if you are feeling like this you are with the wrong girl. you can't monitor anyone..you just have to trust and love yourself enough to know that you'll be ok no matter what happens. If she knew you'd posted this question I'm thinking the wedding will be off. You need to get some councelling and forget marriage until you feel ok with yourself. your relationship will suffer and you'll push her away with your suspicions. you can't control other people or life and will be so hurt if you don't learn to let go and trust. I'm talking from my own experience with control issues and guess you don't mean any harm but you will hurt her and make a mess of your life.
2006-10-12 02:56:55 · answer #1 · answered by minerva 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't. If you can't trust her, don't marry her. Not that she is untrustworthy -- she may be -- but that she does not deserve to marry a man who does not trust her and thinks she might be cheating on him.
My own solution to this sort of problem is to simply banish jealousy. No one has a "right" to be jealous, in the sense of possessive of another person. Granted, if a person promises to have sex with no one else, they should keep that promise. But some don't, and in fact I guess more men than women break that promise.
The better way is not to make such a promise. When Steve and I got married, it was understood that we were looking for at least one more female to make the circle complete, and probably two or three. Possibly one or more additional males, as well. So jealousy was just not at issue. We never found that other person, but I had no problem with his search. (I didn't bother. I figured the younger woman would have that job.)
2006-10-12 03:03:26 · answer #2 · answered by auntb93again 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something is missing in the scenario. Has she cheated on you in the past? If so, then why are you marrying someone who you can't trust? But if she hasn't then you need to find out why you are so insecure about your relationship with this person. But then again, a guilty conscious will beat you up... Did you cheat on her before, and she found out, so now you feel like she is seeking revenge? What ever it is, have some relationship counseling first. It may really help.
2006-10-12 03:02:17 · answer #3 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either you trust her or you don't. You knew how she felt, during the 2 year affair and now there is a marriage planned....doesn't that mean anything to you? If you feel this way now - then maybe marriage is not for you. If someone came up and told me they wished to monitor me - I'd tell them "bye". The only people who are monitored are inmates or those just released and are required to be monitored.
2006-10-12 03:03:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
What makes you think she is cheating on you? She has agreed to marry you doesn't that say enough in how she feels about you to marry you. Trust is the key for marriage you can't go on living thinking what she is up to etc she could be thinking the same thing about you but she isn't as she trusts you, you two are going to get marrier thats a committment to each other. If she wants to leave she will and so can you. Stop worrying and spoil it all for you two. Communication is the best policy talk to her and tell her your worries.
2006-10-12 04:02:25 · answer #5 · answered by flowerpower 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good question Brian. I see there are a lot of negative responses, but I would suggest a few options rather than offering simple criticism and judgement. You could try installing spyware on her PC (if she has one), "password stealer" is a cheap(ish) and excellent key logger, and the top of the range is "e-blaster", which you can e-mail and activate remotely. Try googling "nokia spy phone", try www.trackershack.co.uk, where you'll find devices which can read deleted SMS's. None of these are very cheap, but what price peace of mind? You could also employ a friend to watch her or even hire the services of a private investigator. Remember, you want to know, so be prepared for both good and bad news. And because you want to know, don't listen to the clowns who say you shouldn't. Good luck
2006-10-12 03:08:36 · answer #6 · answered by brack706 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you invest in a chastity belt?! Are you serious?! If you are having doubts you must sit down and talk to her about it. Explain that you have suspicions (be they founded or merely a creation of your own insecurities) and say that you love her but, for whatever reason you find it difficult to trust. Tell her that you expect faithfulness and if she gives you her word she is true to you, then you can't ask for anything more. If you still don't trust her it is time for you to seek some kind of therapy or get out of the relationship.
2006-10-12 03:24:45 · answer #7 · answered by demonicas8n 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What evidence do you have besides your feelings that she's cheating on you? If the answer is 'none,' then it's obvious that your feelings dictate a distrust for her. If you don't have an objective reason to distrust her, then it's coming solely from you and you have a real problem with trust. Until you work on that problem, I suggest you wait before going further into this relationship. You've been with her two years and still feel this way--you need to do something for yourself now.
2006-10-12 03:01:15 · answer #8 · answered by heyrobo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being in a long distance relationship myself, I understand where you're coming from. You have to trust her. If you don't trust her enough in this, how do you trust her to raise a family or not cheat on you when you're married. A strong relationship is built on trust. If that's not there, you will never be comfortable or truly happy with her. Sorry to break this to you but you need to do some soul searching before you move on.
Has she given you any hints she may be cheating?
2006-10-12 02:55:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
for heavens sake mate, are serious about this, look you don't monitor her you have to trust and believe in her, believe in her feelings towards you, for trust is the very foundation of a good relationship without this there is nothing to go on. if you love her that much then just show it to her, say that you love her, that you wanted to be with her, surely if a woman sees and feels that you love her so much she would value that and love you the same way you love her. if you really want to know how much she loves you spend every oppurtunity to be with her, make it a point that she would feel special when she is with you, there is no better way to know than being with her, and seeing how she is when she with you. time will eventually show how much you mean to her, love is never measured, it never expects anything in return, it is felt and freely given, it comes with the risks of being hurt but that is what makes love sweeter
2006-10-12 13:06:41 · answer #10 · answered by s270wizard 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋