How do I politley tell my husband to get a job?

Question

We've been separated 3 times over this issue and now that we're back together again it's the same thing, He has NO job!!!

Answer 1

I agree, you're past the point of "polite". Stop reinforcing his behavior by going back to him. He should get a job first, hold the job for 4-6 months, and THEN you go back to him (since he's proven himself trustworthy.)

But to answer your question -- You shouldn't be the one telling him. He should have a male friend (a mature one) or a counselor/pastor who confronts him on this matter. If you are the one always telling him what's "the right thing to do" then it will naturally bring resentment into your relationship.

Answer 2

If you keep going back to him then you don't give him an incentive to get a job - he knows that even if you leave you'll come back again eventually. I'm inclined to agree with everyone else and say get rid, but as you've gone back three times it's obvious you love him too much to ditch him.
Arguing about it and nagging him isn't working. If you're determined to make the marriage work, set some ground rules and tell him it's only fair that he pays half of the bills. A marriage should be equal, and at the minute you're taking up the slack.
He might be lacking motivation, too, so take him to the job centre, circle some suitable job ads or even apply on his behalf. If he respects you and wants to stay with you he'll get off his butt. If not, it might be time to give up on him.

Answer 3

Why did you get back together with him? When you told him to hit the bricks the last time you also should have said to tell his story walking.If this bugs you that much then you file for divorce and find someone reliable.You keep falling into the same pattern and unless you stop you will be carrying the weight for the next 40 years.Sweetheart,smarten up and get out whille your still young enough to enjoy life instead of stressing over it..

Answer 4

Need to answer the question of -Why he doesn't have a job. Lack of effort? Is he lazy? Lack of education,? Depressed? Pride? I have been unemployed off and on for the last 4 years. I am a victim of the economy, Asian/foreign market, global economy. I have had very prestigious positions and high earnings in the past and have had to eat my pride and take lesser paying positions to remain in the work force and "Weather the storm" hoping things will improve. Stay close to him, support him, encourage him lovingly and understand his feelings. Help and encourage him to employ the use of employment agencies to assist him in finding employment. Help him write a resume and get it out. you would be surprised at how well it works. No matter what his qualifications are. Standing dormant will not "Git er Dun. And if you have some faith in Prayer, that helps also. Take it from one who is unemployed, support, encouragement from ones who are close is priceless.

Answer 5

Polite???? Be serious. I'd have stopped at polite a long time ago, Since you've left so many times, and he still hasn't changed... take the hint, he's NOT going to. Either accept it and take him the way he is and stop complaining,.... or leave for good. He's no longer the problem.... you are. You're the one that choses to go back time after time to a man that has repeatedly proven that he has no regard for the financial stability or welfare of your family, and probably never will. Why do you do it to yourself?

Answer 6

How about counseling? Because being a grown man he should want and understand the importance of working. If he is actually that lazy and really doesn't want to work, you have some major issues that need to be solved- other then him just getting another job. You gotta break the cycle- but he has to want to do it to.

Answer 7

You are better than I am cause I'd be putting his lazy butt to the curb. I would have to say the stipulation should be get and keep a job. Get up off that couch and help me make a living and if you ain't gonna, then get your stuff and don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.

Answer 8

Why is he sick, Stuipd, or just plain LAZY. I think if you're gonna be married to somone who doesn't want to work then you need to stay separated. Marrage is a 50 50 thing. And looks like youre putting all 100%. Take care of YOU first..he needs to do somthing about this issue if he loves you ..!

Answer 9

The only thing you need to tell him at this point is that it is over for good, and not politely. Why are you even asking advice on this issue, you have to know what the smart thing to do is, he is making you look like a fool.

Answer 10

UG!! I have been there. You need to sit his butt down on a chair, turn off the TV, the radio, whatever. No need for all the niceties, HE needs to GET A JOB. The bills need to be paid. That is the reality of it. It took more negative intervintion than I care to mention here for my husband to get a job. He was not my husband then- he lived here however.