what should you do if you are bullied?

Question

Hi, my name is Kelly and im 14, i am off school at the moment, i hav'nt been back this term. Im currently being home tutord as i have been badly bullied for most of my life. It began to get worse last year in year 9 nd im dreading what it will be like in year 10. I have a broken leg at the moment.I could have gone into school with it but I chose not to because of the bullying. My leg is almost back to normall and i will have to go back to school after half term. As i have missed alot and i wont have a reason that i could be off school for.My parents rang the school to tell them and they havent yet done anything. The schools arround my area are probley as bad as mine- or even worse. Has anyone been bullied or in a simular situation as me? And any advice for how to go about it? No horrible comments please. luv kelz xxxx

Answer 1

Sweetie I am so sorry. I was bullied at school and it made my life a misery. Looking back all these 100's of years later the thought of it still makes my stomach churn. Your school are obviously aware of the situation but have done nothing, this is negligent of them. People always say stand up to bullies but I also know that it is not easy to do that. You say all schools will be the same but that is not true, it is the people (staff, children) that make up a school so they are all different, you may have better luck elsewhere. Talk to your parents, or other adult you are close to and trust, (aunt, uncle, family friend). I wish I could do more for you, hang in there Kelz life does get easier I promise.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to tell you, that running and hiding just makes you miserable. And making a stand kills some of what is really you. You develop a hard edge that you might not like. This is life.
If you don't put a stop to it sometime, it will continue in one form or another most of your life. And it will get worse.
The good news is that bullying is really easy to stop, that is why they do it, they are weak. I promise.
If you think the bullying is bad enough get the police involved.

When our family moved overseas I was 4. We went to a dormitory town in a country that hated us. It took 8 years of running and hiding, before I'd had enough. I fought back and toughened up. I still have the emotional scars.
We moved countries after that, and I went to a quiet little colonial town, the worst moment of my life was when a teacher called me a bully. I wasn't, I just played wilder because of where I had come from. But from that day on, I've been normal (kind of).

You might get lucky, at 14 you are only a few years away from meeting mature friends, and the group will protect you. But sooner or later at 14 or 45 you are going to have to decide your own fate. Sorry.

But remember, always let others know what you are doing. They can advise and help. And tell you when you are taking on too much. Then it's time for the authorities.

(edit)
Martial arts is a sport, it keeps you fit and build confidence. It will not help you in fight. Besides fighting is illegal. If you are commited to this course however, the only one that is any good in my experience is TaiKwanDo. I'd recommend boxing but you might not want the black-eyes from training, and you'll never outpunch a large guy.

Answer 3

When your leg heals, take a tour with your parents of the martial arts dojos (studios) in your area.
You must learn to defend yourself, to be able to stand your ground, and not be physically afraid.
It will take 6 mo to a yr for you to become proficient, shorter the harder you practice. Don't try to learn from books, you need to learn from and practice with real people. You should stretch and practice every day.
It is very hard, but you will feel very healthy, and better in spirit.
Never use your skills to be like those who bullied you!
A good sensei will teach you that, and proper philosophy along with the katas. It is equally or more important.
When confronted, you will not be afraid. this does not mean aggressive, it just means that you will know what to do, and will be calm in the face of a threat that once made you shake in fear. You will do all that you can to let the other know that you desire no trouble, but that you demand the right to go about in peace, without being threatened. You will look them in the eye, calmly. You will stand your ground.
This will be new to the bullies. Many will sense that something has changed. Tell them nothing, don't challenge. Most will back off, bullies are cowards.
If someone tries you, there are moves, throws, and things you can do that will shock, but not permanently hurt them. This will make them go away.
Only in a case where your life is threatened are you justified in using the full array of moves, do everything else first before hurting someone, if time permits.
A confident manner and standing your ground without fear will be 99% of what you need, if you do it well you may never need the rest.
Tell your parents that you need this, that you are tired of living in fear, and then do the research and work that it requires. The discipline may turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you!
Never speak of your training out of the dojo, and do not challege people, be modest and confident, and take pride in your accomplishments.
My best to you!
http://jeremy.org/advice/dojo.html aikido is mostly defensive, but takes fast reflexes. Karate or Kung Fu may be more practical. Start with only 1.

Answer 4

I am very sorry to hear about all this.

I am not sure what it is like in your area, but in our inner city schools, there is a zero-tolerance "law". Any bullies are actually charged by the police, and removed from the school. Look into this with your parents.

Additionally, see if you can contact a lawyer. Schools aren't 100% safe. A lawsuit should be set in motion against the person/people involved AND the school.

Lastly, yes, call the police. File any and all charges you can. Physical abuse can not, and should not, be tolerated. NO ONE is ever supposed to hurt you.

Have your parents call the school EVERY DAY until there si a resolution. Make sure you have a friend to walk with you, or see if you can have a trusted friend or family member pick you up and drop you off. Mostly, though, please don't live in fear. One day, all of the inner rage will surface, and you will be surprised how strong you really can be.

Answer 5

it is a fact that is it is usually the nicest (not the most popular, but still the nicest) kids that are picked on. have esteem for the fact that you are probably a lot nicer and more decent than most other kids in your school and definitely more than the bullies.

second learn some coping strategies i.e. when someone bullies you what can you say and do at that very moment in time that it is happening. ask your parents or friends or teachers or doctor or family members to play out some incidents with you (like a role play) and see how it goes. you can also give each other tips.

i think all the people who have answered this question have been very helpful but you were right to specifically ask for no horrible comments cos its sad but true that there are quite a few nasty people out there.

dealing with bullying is taken more seriously by society now which is a good thing overall but does not mean much to someone who is unfrotuately still effected by it. start with you - you are just as important as anyone else, be it me, others who have aswered your question, people you pass on the street and especially the bullies in your school. just imagine them sitting on the toilet with painful constipation or something and that should show you that they are not all that.

also you might be bullied now but try to study as much as you can or otherwise mke the best of yourself in the future so you can leave behind the lame losers who used to pick on you. good luck!!!

Answer 6

Hi Kelly, if your school isn't doing anything try writing to the local education authority and tell them that your school hasn't been taking your complaints seriously enough.
You might also what to right to your local MP, or anyone else who you can think of until you get a suitable outcome.
Bullying is supposed to be not tolerated in any schools nowadays, and if your school isn't stamping it out you should find someone who will.

And remember, anything that doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. Don't do anything silly, battle through it and you'll come out at the end a much stronger person. Alot of famous people were bullied when young and it gives you the strength to really succeed later in life.

You do need get back to school and face it head on, if you can, the earlier you get back the better. Don't let them beat you.

Good Luck to you.

Answer 7

hi sweetheart,

im 22 ( a girl using my BF's acct). I was severely bullied at school and stayed off for a while, just like you. really bad things happened to me. i changed schools. I went to a school that had a really bad reputation and i settled straight in, i got great exam results A's, B's, and C's, had a boyfriend had a great time, I did have a few bad days but i realise now that there isnt a single shool girl who doesnt experience that.

now i am studying to become a doctor and have my own home and a great boyfriend, and when I do my shopping, one of the bullies scans my stuff through the checkout with her head down!


I still have problems that stem from bullying - I am insecure sometimes - but the only way to deal with it is to try your hardest in your exams and make sure that you succeed.

if you really cant change schools and want to percivere with this one then your parents should threaten to sue the school. make sure your doctor knows how depressed you are and tell the school tat the doctor knows you are depressed. they may be able to segregate you or give you a mentor older than you

good luck,
i hope everything is ok

Answer 8

For the person who said try a boarding school get real, they cost 20k a year that is not the solution, you are obviously in the US!
Kelly - dont worry about it first of all, nobody can make you go to the school if it is upsetting you. You need to give the names of the bullies to the headmaster, go there with your parents and find out exactly what he plans to do about it. If he doesnt do anything, he can be reported. Also, if you can find it in yourself to be strong, as in life people will always be bullies even when you are an adult. No-one can force you to go remember that.

Answer 9

Hi, I think your parents should ask the school if they can arrange for some bigger kids to hang around with you, to keep the bullies away from you.

Someone asked their school before and the teachers agreed and the girl got 2 big kids to hang around with her and so no one dared to start on her otherwise they would get beaten up themselves, by the bigger kids she was with.



I've been home taught all my life, i used to want to go to school, When i was little cause i thought it would be fun to learn new with other kids, Then oneday i went past a pre-school and there was 2 7 year olds beating a small 6 year old boy.

I think you should ask your parents if they can teach you safely at home, where no one can hurt you.

Getting bullied isn't part of education, Next time the bullies beat you up go to the toilets and ring the police, try and arrange a plan for the bullies to be near you and before they see you ring the police, then whilst your being hit the cops will come.

Notify them how serious the bullying is, chances are they'll help better then the teachers/headmaster.

When my grandad went to school back in the days lol he used to get bullied and he punshed the bully in his face, made his nose bleed and the bully left him alone, saying that he had backup from his bro's. Ask for the teachers to get some older kids to hang around with you, to stop you getting bullied.

Answer 10

Take up a martial art, that is what worked for me when I was bullied as a kid. I never had to hit anyone. All I ever had to do was block a few punches and the bullys would stop bothering me.

Your only other option is to contact a lawyer that specializes in education law, and have the lawyer notify the school board that the bullying is will not be tolerated, and legal action will be taken if the bullying does not immediately stop.

I recommend the martial arts option, especially to young ladies. It provides skills and confidence that will follow you through life and make life a bit nicer.