ceremony. Don't tell my family or friends. And he promises her he will not tell anyone. The reasons why I cannot disclose. In the even the wife dies before him, and also thinking about that she will not know if he kept the promise or not, shouldn't he keep that promise he made to her.
I would like your thoughts on it. Any thoughts, I am tough, I can take whatever you throw at me.
Thank you in advance.
2006-10-12 01:19:47 · 14 answers · asked by Boricua Born 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I believe that you should honor your verbal commitment to your wife. She asked you in love and trust and you responded in kind so keep your word. When I pass I don't want anyone told either. How you are treated in life dictates what you want or don't want in death. I'd rather die alone and get put away without a funeral of fake people boo hooing.knowing there's contempt and animosity involved. KEEP YOUR WORD!!
2006-10-12 01:27:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would hope you have established enough trust in your husband over the years. If he says he will abide by your wishes, you have to have faith in that. On the other hand, not knowing why your wishes are to not want others there for a ceremony, I'm not sure you understand what others may need for closure. I by no means saying that what you wish for is wrong,but, Sometimes not saying goodbye for some people can make the grief process longer or avoidable. My husband used to feel the same way you do.But, through the years he has come to realize how important it is to have that type of closure, and how not being there in the end can make it feel like that person should still be there.
What ever you decide I hope you both make peace with the decisions. I don't know if you are a praying person or not, but,I would suggest prayer or meditation on this before you make it final if you can. I hope this helps. I pray you have peace in your decisions or if this was someone you loved, I hope you can find closure.
2006-10-12 02:12:02 · answer #2 · answered by Renee M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At some point people are going to ask questions... I wouldn't expect the wife would want him to lie, so there's going to come a time when he has to explain. This wife had issues that needed to be addressed by a competent therapist since she obviously didn't realize how ridiculous her request was and how incredibly selfish as well. If the husband went blindly along making such a promise, he may need some help dealing with his issues as well. God bless. ~Nise~
2006-10-12 01:23:34 · answer #3 · answered by newfsdrool 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not fair to put that kind of a burden on a grieving husband. Don't you think people will notice you missing? Then what? If you do not want a funeral or viewing I could understand that and you have every right to request that and it should not be too hard for your husband to keep that commitment, but to make him promise not to tell anyone you are gone is selfish.
2006-10-12 01:37:16 · answer #4 · answered by Sunspot Baby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a crazy question but will give my advise. Family always has the right to know what happen to you. Expecially if they are children of the deceased. Or even parents. People have the right to know and have time to deal with it. No I wouldnt keep that promise. It totaly not fair to family or friends to not know what happen to them, they will spend many hours worrying about the person and if you ask me that is just taking time off of there life too.
2006-10-12 01:24:58 · answer #5 · answered by bradosmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
family & friends do need to be notified of the passing of a loved one- but that can be done after the burial. I myself do NOT want a big funeral - but just something simple for the immediate family to say their good-byes
he should keep that promise - however I dont think it is fair of the wife to ask that of him for any reason. - it is rather selfish of her to expect him to grieve alone- how would she feel if the position was reversed - the wife needs to write down her wishes so they can be carried out for her when the time comes- an elderly friend of mine has already planned & paid for her funeral
2006-10-12 01:28:57 · answer #6 · answered by fairypelican 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well... look, once the wife dies the husband can pretty much do as he choses. You hope that the husband will respect his wife's wishes (otherwise he's not much of a hubby).
It works kinda like the way retirement checks work. If your spouse dies and you get partial benefits from his retirement... If he tells you thorughout his life that he doesn't the money spent on something.... he's really powerless to prevent you from doing it after he dies. But, if you love (respect) him, you probably won't do it.
2006-10-12 01:28:23 · answer #7 · answered by Sam I AM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If my husband asked this of me I would tell him I'm sorry but I can't do that. I would also tell him that he had no right to place that on me and that the people who knew him and loved him had a right to know of his passing. Any other request he would make I would kill to try to honor it but not that. Luckily though we've already made our arrangements so that when we die it's not a scramble to try to figure out what needs to be done.
2006-10-12 02:09:40 · answer #8 · answered by Mollywobbles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If thats what she wants then the husband should honor her wishes.I just found out 4 days ago that my aunt died 11 days ago.My uncle said she wanted no funeral,no one mourning over her and wanted to be cremated.He granted her wishes.I thought it was unfair at first but now I think he done right by doing as she asked him to although it would of been nice to pay my last respects.
2006-10-12 01:35:52 · answer #9 · answered by darlene100568 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it somewhat is a hard one and that i could hate to be in the comparable subject as you! somewhat your uncle could desire to think of your very trustful to have advised you approximately his secret, believing that u will tell every1 the fact after he dies! To burden you with this form of element is arbitrary and places alot of tension on you. It certainly feels like he does not decide to stand the a results of fact being advised it somewhat is cowardly of him! in case you exhibit that he's the real father of "John" then "John" would possibly no longer recover from the fact he wasn't advised while your uncles nevertheless alive as he could sense that one and all his solutions ought to in ordinary terms be replied by way of your uncle. which incorporate why did no longer u tell me, why didn you do it an how did it take place and so on? i think of that the daddy that had delivered him up will proceed to be his real father despite in case you probably did exhibit the secret as he's the single that is delivered him up and he's the guy who's appeared after him. all of us has a appropriate to appreciate who there blood father is! If he dies then possibly it may be terrific to depart issues advert they're. yet once you choose and sense this is appropriate to bare the secret identity exhibit it on a similar time as the uncles nevertheless alive for the sake of "John"! desire i've got helped stable luck :D
2016-12-08 13:21:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋