Why is it difficult to find true love?

Question

People are selfish and arrogant with thier feelings in finding and accepting true love either with the wrong judgement of the opposite sex or racial discrimination. There should be total and unconditional love between a man and a woman, there seems to be a difficulty in achieving this status and that is my ponder!

Answer 1

Because you're trying too hard. It always comes by itself, when you're least expecting.

Answer 2

The pressures on society plus peer group pressure dominate the way we live, it's just a fact of life! too many financial worries easy divorce, that's if their even married!!! It all adds up to an easy way out! Why stay and make a go of it, when it only takes a second to get out! Love and a desire to commit ones feelings today are laughed at by a younger generation.

Answer 3

You asked the question and answered it too. Until people let go of their selfishness and discrimination they will never find true unconditional love. One other important note: One must love themselves before they can love someone else.

Answer 4

This is part of a piece I have been writing on love.

What is conventionally called "love" is an ego strategy to avoid surrender. You are looking to someone to give you that which can only come to you in the state of surrender. The ego uses that person as a substitute to avoid having to surrender. The Spanish language is the most honest in this respect. It uses the same verb, te quiero, for "I love you" and "I want you." To the ego, loving and wanting are the same, whereas true love has no wanting in it, no desire to possess or for your partner to change. The ego singles someone out and makes them special. It uses that person to cover up the constant underlying feeling of discontent, of "not enough," of anger and hate, which are closely related. These are facets of an underlying deep seated feeling in human beings that is inseparable from the egoic state.

When the ego singles something out and says "I love" this or that, it’s an unconscious attempt to cover up or remove the deep-seated feelings that always accompany the ego: the discontent, the unhappiness, the sense of insufficiency that is so familiar. For a little while, the illusion actually works. Then inevitably, at some point, the person you singled out, or made special in your eyes, fails to function as a cover up for your pain, hate, discontent or unhappiness which all have their origin in that sense of insufficiency and incompleteness. Then, out comes the feeling that was covered up, and it gets projected onto the person that had been singled out and made special – who you thought would ultimately "save you." Suddenly love turns to hate. The ego doesn’t realize that the hatred is a projection of the universal pain that you feel inside. The ego believes that this person is causing the pain. It doesn’t realize that the pain is the universal feeling of not being connected with the deeper level of your being - not being at one with yourself.

The object of love is interchangeable, as interchangeable as the object of egoic wanting. Some people go through many relationships. They fall in love and out of love many times. They love a person for a while until it doesn’t work anymore, because no person can permanently cover up that pain.

Only surrender can give you what you were looking for in the object of your love. The ego says surrender is not necessary because I love this person. It’s an unconscious process of course. The moment you accept completely what is, something inside you emerges that had been covered up by egoic wanting. It is an innate, indwelling peace, stillness, aliveness. It is the unconditioned, who you are in your essence. It is what you had been looking for in the love object. It is yourself. When that happens, a completely different kind of love is present which is not subject to love / hate. It doesn’t single out one thing or person as special. It’s absurd to even use the same word for it. Now it can happen that even in a normal love / hate relationship, occasionally, you enter the state of surrender. Temporarily, briefly, it happens: you experience a deeper universal love and a complete acceptance that can sometimes shine through, even in an otherwise egoic relationship. If surrender is not sustained, however, it gets covered up again with the old egoic patterns. So, I’m not saying that the deeper, true love cannot be present occasionally, even in a normal love / hate relationship. But it is rare and usually short-lived.

Whenever you accept what is, something deeper emerges then what is. So, you can be trapped in the most painful dilemma, external or internal, the most painful feelings or situation, and the moment you accept what is, you go beyond it, you transcend it. Even if you feel hatred, the moment you accept that this is what you feel, you transcend it. It may still be there, but suddenly you are at a deeper place where it doesn’t matter that much anymore.
The entire phenomenal universe exists because of the tension between the opposites. Hot and cold, growth and decay, gain and loss, success and failure, the polarities that are part of existence, and of course part of every relationship.

Answer 5

Realize that most people are selfish and self centered and your search will be over. It is a cold cruel world. The people that get the kind of love you want are in diapers.

Answer 6

Okay it seems that it's not out there like that anymore cause the world is so full of selfish ways but I promise you there is true & faithful love out there you have to just be patient.

Answer 7

true love is when souls that were meant to be together find their other. There are billions of people in the world, you need to find the one. Thats why its so hard.

Answer 8

We all need to love and to be loved.

Most of our issues could be solved fairly easily, if we have our loved one supporting us.
If you are hurt by a former ex, well you just need to get yourself up and start searching for someone who deserves your love.
Don't ever be shy .. that won't ever help you .. and you'll have lots to lose. Do what your heart tells you it's right.

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Answer 9

i understand what you mean. three years ago i gave up on love and swore never to fall for anyne again, because it was to much heartache invoved. but i fell for my husband. it took him a year to woo me, but he would not give up no matter how much i ignored hsi request and acted like i was not interested. we have been married for almost three years and have a beatuiful baby girl named maya and a doggie named sugar. couldn't be happier.

Answer 10

Well, I think therein lies the problem. You can't "find" love. As cliche as this sounds, it finds you. Patience my friend...