A question about the end of a relationship?

Question

I've split with my partner of 3.5 years who is the father of my child. I only feel relieved about it, not upset. I was unhappy with him for over a year, very upset etc. Now he's gone though, I don't want him back but I find myself thinking that maybe he wasn't so bad as he wasn't violent or overly nasty to me. Is this strange? I think maybe I'm just scared that nobody will ever want me again so I am struggling to see the faults I hated so much?

I know this isn't really much of a question but I'd appreciate any comments etc. I'm 25, child is 18 months.

Answer 1

marriages are made in heavens .sometimes it so happens that we get married but get divorced because that person was not our pair , he came into our lives for temporary period of time, Lord will have made a pair , a perfect match for you.when he will come into your life , he will not leave u till his death.
there is a time for every thing to be done, when your time will come, you will just astonish at it.
my all prayers are with you.
you are not alone Lord and we are with you.

Answer 2

hi,
im 19 and have a 14 month old, and i am thinking of leaving my husband after 3 and a half years too, so i am kind of envious that you have had the guts to leave (unlike me! - who is always a coward!) maybe because you have a toddler you are left feeling guilty that u have somehow split the family up and are solely responsible, or that having a child will hinder you from any future relationship.
my advice would be that you have gone with your gut instinct, and that is really brave for you to have been able to walk away from a relationship that is going nowhere. just because he wasn't violent doesnt mean you are not allowed to feel relieved - real life is not the same as in a soap opera, couples do split before violence or nastiness in reality, just concentrate on thinking about the future, whats done is done, your childs happiness and building your future should be your main concerns now. if it was an amicable split maybe staying friends could help you to keep the best bits of him without having to feel completly attached to his hips
good luck with your future!

Answer 3

Not strange. Sure there will be doubt. It's all about leaving a comfortable situation for an uncertain future. While it sounds like the relationship was, well, far from harmonious, after 3.5 yrs I would assume it was predictable. And with a child involved, that must make the urge to hold onto that stronger. Just believe that what you have done (i.e. left a bad relationship) was for you and your child's best interest. Sometimes proof is hard to come by immediately, but if you hold to your convictions, you will find what you seek. Good luck.

Answer 4

I to was in the same type or r/ship 8 yrs ago we decided 2 split after about 3 yrs and my insecurities of avin 3 children and being not wanted e asked me bk so we tried again 4 a further 3 yrs and in the 3 yrs i suffered domestic abuse verbal abuse 3 broken ribs a split lip and children with insecurities.1 day i woke up n realised that i wanted beta 4 myself n children n if i was 2 b on my own then so be it nethin was worth more that n the situation i was in.We seperated now 2yrs ag and i have met a wonderful man who loves me and the children,i look bk now and think if i ad ended it wen we 1st split i wud neva of gone through the domestic violence and verbal abuse.Luckily my kids r doing very well they dnt 4get they just dnt remember unless something jogs there memory.If u wud like a chat plz message me.I no wot it feels like,u remember the gd times wen ur on ur own n not the reasons why u split........regards LOUISE xx

Answer 5

If you genuinely feel relief since breaking up with your partner, then you have probably done the right thing, and getting back with him probably isn't the right move for you, as it is still all a bit raw the feelings and thoughts you are having now about him are probably a little to do with not wanting to be on your own, this will get better and you are still young and will find someone else, it will be better for all concerned, you, your child and your ex if you end up with someone that makes you truly happy, but it is a good thing that you are not consumed with bitterness about the breakup and probably means you are a well balanced person on the whole, I think you are going to be OK.

Answer 6

I think that this has more with the fact that you have a child with this guy that makes you wonder if you've made the right decision or not. My mum left my dad when I was very small and we talked about as I got older. She felt a lot of guilt not being with my father, she felt she was denying me my right to parents who both live under one roof. I can safely say having two parents living apart and happy then together and sad was better for me and them in the long run. It stands to reason if you are happy then your child is happy which is all we can really hope for. Good luck for the future and I hope things work out for the best

Answer 7

Hey honey, don't be so hard on yourself. If people were a little more honest, they would tell you that what you are feeling - happens to alot of us.

Being with someone becomes a habit. Whether we love them or not. You will learn to be stronger and more independent. And part of the healing process is realising that you can do better.

Violence and nastiness are nothing - what matters is how a person makes you feel about yourself. Being upset all the time is not nice, and you deserve better.

So..chin up, and believe you can do this!!!

Answer 8

your having to live you rlife a different way than what you are used to this is always goign to be daunting at first but you did the right thing for yourself your partner and your child if you stayed together just for the sake of it who knows what the relationship would of tunred into and you do not want your child brought up in an unhappy home jut knwo in yourself you did the right thing and accept it will take some getting used to.

Aslong as you stay on good terms with your partner for your childs sake who is the most important perosn in this situation things should be fine.

Good luck for the future and im sure you will find the person you are really meant to be with

Answer 9

Maybe one of the reasons u feel this now is because, as everyone says, Time heals. and all the initial unhappiness and strong emotions have faded with time, as feelings do.

Don't lapse into that weak state. Don't try to restore stg that had a reason for being damaged and broken.

You're 25, still young and there will be a happy pleasant future for you if you make right decisions.

Answer 10

What you're doing here is A: feeling lonely and B; starting to paint over the cracks of a bad realionship, weraing rose tinted specs and only seeing the good stuff. You need to stop and remember ALL the relationship the Good and the Bad.

Someone else will come along, but when the time is right.

Answer 11

Its natural too feel like this after coming out of a long term relationship, it takes a while to adjust to being on your own again. I felt the same after splitting up with my gf of 5 years.
Best thing to do is keep busy (easy with an 18 month baby) and try to enjoy being single for the time being. and remember if you did get back together, unless things seriously changed you would soon be back in the same rutt!