We have been together for going on 3 years. we have a 9 month old girl also. and since our daughter has been born the sex has been little to none. we may have sex once a month twice if im lucky. she gets so upset when i bring it up. its always my fault i mean its just horrible right now....we've talked about it and it just doesnt seem like its going to get better. i havent cheated on her....i have a full time job..she is in school we both split chores around the house. we spend all of our free time together but we just dont have sex. its not like i dont want to. we've argued about it so much that i just stopped bringing it up and just am trying to learn to deal with it. she'll tell me sometimes that she wants to "do it tonight" but it doesnt happen, and that leaves me so angry and irrated because she got my hopes up once again. its just very hard for me, im 25 years old with a huge sex drive.....what do i do????
2006-10-11 19:19:47 · 21 answers · asked by deuce0181 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
leave immediately it will not get better. she feels shes landed you since shes had the kid, and doesnt have to do it now to keep you. run very fast, and next time wear a rubber.
2006-10-11 19:21:32 · answer #1 · answered by moolie_wfo 5 · 4⤊ 3⤋
I understand your urges I mean a man has to have his groove on. But I also understand her situation, many women don't really get into sex after giving birth immediately, it may take time. Pregnancy especially labor was a tough thing for her to go through so she's probably avoiding getting pregnant again. Women react differently to giving birth, for example, some sream at the ones who have impregnated them while in labour, "I hate you", some don't want to hold the baby ones it's born, some withdraw from sex and so on. so be patient with her and if you get into the kissing stuff be extremely gentle and take it slow (even if it takes the whole night and morning) and she might just give in.
2006-10-12 18:32:23 · answer #2 · answered by sweetdivine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think i understand how you feel...but ive heard that this actually happens after a child has been born...you ask some of your colleagues if they've experience this with their wives, maybe you'll get an idea how they dealt with it..
but the best thing is to talk, ask her why she doesn't want it anymore and let her know everything, as in everything that you feel about the situation...maybe she's too anxious and worried that she'll get pregnant again and she's not ready for that one...maybe she's emotionally worried too or whatever...if she means anything to you and you to her, im sure it'll work out....the list can go on and on for a 1000 maybe's but you will never get the right answer unless you talk to her...i know you have brought it up to her already, maybe your approach can make a difference...do it affectionately not like you're confronting her...be gentle and understanding....it's hard for you but i'm sure it's hard for her too...it's a woman thing..
2006-10-11 19:37:23 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was 20 yrs. old when I had my first son. I know this well. Sounds to me like she's falling out of love with you, and you really need to find out. If thats not the answer then suggest a counselor to her for post pardom blues. You need to know. I put my ex through 10 yrs of maybe once a months. That was a very unpleasent time in both our lives. I stayed for the baby, and was never happy. Ten yrs. in a loveless relationship does not make for a happy family. Everyone cries and wonders why?
2006-10-11 19:32:50 · answer #4 · answered by hectcheryl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The fact that she just had a baby nine months ago may be a HUGE issue for her. has she lost the baby weight? How does she feel naked? Do you think that is part of it? How was the sex before? you must realize it might have NOTHING to do with you. She probably loves you very much, and you are being a great guy for being so supportive... but just realize some girls are not as into sex as others... that is something you can learn to deal with or not...
2006-10-11 19:25:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think that you should respect her wishes, and do not force her to do anything that she does not want to do. I also think that you should continue to stay faithful to her and continue to support her and your baby girl. That is the best thing that you can do for her. Also, try to woo her a little but, women can sometimes feel unloved, and it is not your fault, it is just the way that we feel at times, and the best thing that you guys could do for us is make us remember why we fell in love with you to begin with, so try wooing her, and get someone to babysit your daughter, and take your girl out for a nice, romantic weekend away for just the two of you. So you can spend some time being a couple again. I wish you the best of luck. Also, remember that it is not just about you and your sex drive, it is about her and your daughter as well.
2006-10-11 19:26:08 · answer #6 · answered by Meighan L 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
it sounds to me like her hormones may be kinda "screwed up" (but i would advise you to be careful how you say that if you repeat it to her.)
she should talk to her doctor about it.
if you bring up the sex subject again, tell her that you would really appreciate it if she didn't get your hopes up by telling you that she wants some, then hanging you out to dry.
tell her that it isn't fair to you for her to do that. and tell her that she should talk to her doctor about what has been going on and ask about the possibility of having a hormone inbalance. if that is the problem, it could cause more problems than just a messed up sex drive.
2006-10-11 19:27:11 · answer #7 · answered by sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might just be burned out from the additional responsibilities of having a child and going to school. You both seem rather young based on the age you have mentioned so she's probably trying to cope with it all. Try to be supportive, see what she really wants. Really patiently discuss the issue so she can get your point of view. If things don't improve, you might want to consider moving on, but give her a chance to work things out with you first.
2006-10-11 19:24:55 · answer #8 · answered by mdaneshrsenior9990272 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, she may be wanting to move on and doesnt know how to tell you..could she be having an affair..that you dont know about..and she is using up all her energies in another such manner with someone else..and so she is tired when you tell her about sex ..because she has probably been there and back...and now you want to do it..I would watch and observe for awhile it will come in the wash i guarantee it...good luck..
2006-10-11 19:26:08 · answer #9 · answered by ck1_content 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not knowing anything about you, this may be way off track but are you any good? Really, if you aren't making it an amazing experience for her, or worse, a bad experience, then you need some education. Women that have great lovers as boyfriends and husbands, have a lot of sex usually.
2006-10-11 19:25:53 · answer #10 · answered by m-t-nest 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
YOU haven't cheated on HER, but if I were you I'd be very suspicious about what SHE'S been up to when you're not around....that could easily explain the supposed "lack" of sex drive! (Sounds JUST LIKE my first --- and because of that very thing, that is, CHEATING --- now ex-wife)
Stay alert, and check things out BEFORE you are made a total fool of like I was!!!
2006-10-11 19:26:22 · answer #11 · answered by backinbowl 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋