Anybody know some good jokes?

Answer 1

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, sir!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......



A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"
.

Answer 2

I stole this but what the hay
This woman is really flat chested. She is trying to find a bra and is looking in all these different stores for a 28 A but nobody has them. She is about to give up when she finally goes into one more store. There is a old lady working there who is really hard of hearing. The woman askes her if they have any bra's in 28 A. The old lady can't hear her so asks her to talk louder. The woman repeats this a few times, but the old lady still doesn't get it. Finally she yanks her shirt up and yells- "got anything for these?" The old lady says,"Try some Clearsil dear. It will clear that right up."
How funny is that?:) you know you smiled a little. Have a good day.

Answer 3

a man reads the paper and sees a ad that said lose 50 pounds in three weeks so the man look at him feeling alittle over weight he calls the number and the man on the phone tells him that they hav 3 packages and he chooses the cheapest one lose 10 pounds in a week and the man tell him that the trainer will be there in the morning next morning he opens his door and a 18 year old naked girl standing in to the door way and she says hello im ur trainer and she has a sign on her that reads if u can catch me u can have me the man reads the sign and she begins to run and he runs after her he rans fast and hard but dosent catch her and each day is the same finally on the last day of the week he catch her and has her feeling soo good that he got laid and lost 10 pounds as promise he calls up the number again and oders the second package and a 19 old girl shows up with the same sign but its alittle hard to catch her so he fails but and the end of the week he catches her and again he becomes soo excited cuz he look alot better and has lost 25 pounds so he call up and orders the last package 25 in one week he get up early and gets dress making such he looks really good for the next pretty naked trainer the bell rings he answers it and the a huge naked man with a sign that reads if i can catch u i can have u and the man runs like hell =)

Answer 4

Unusual Funeral

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her
morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession
approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long
black hearse about 50 feet behind the
first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary
woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance
back, were about 200 women walking single file.

The woman was so curious that she respectfully
approached the woman walking the dog and said,
"I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a
bad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a funeral like this.
Whose
funeral is it?"

"My husband's."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was
trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."

Answer 5

good joke or bad joke:one day a donckey kicked the man and man became angry and kicked the donkey two times and said " i m better than u"...
one day a donckey was laughing too much. all the animals asked him why he was laughing. donkey replied that he understood the joke which fox told him last day.

Answer 6

I tried to tell a joke one time, I got my tongue twisted around my eye teeth and could not see what I was saying.

Answer 7

Whats the version between a Saudi Arabian guy and a guy From the USA ? answer : the guy From the USA could get Stoned and then have an affair the guy From Saudi Arabia could have an affair and then get stoned

Answer 8

Yeah!!! Why did the drunk take a latter to the bar? He heard the drinks were going to be on the house!!!

Answer 9

Where does a waitress with one leg work? IHOP

Answer 10

what is the small gate in the world?
Colgate