I'm a single mom, I'm 26. From the moment I told my family I was pregnant, everyone told me to give up the baby or have an abortion. I fought and fought and told them I could do it. The father is in the picture and he helps me somewhat. I've been doing this with for 2 1/2 years with his help(we're not together). Ove the last yr, I've been really depressed/stressed. I go to school full time and take care of my daughter. I have a little issue with yelling at my daughter and I feel badly about it. I'm just so down all the time. My family doesn't understand and basically think I'm a bad mother. I don't have the greatest medical coverage so seeing a dr isn't really an option and I don't have much money. I just wish my family wasn't so harsh on me. I'm at my wits end with everything in my life. Sometimes I feel like i should......oh I don't know? I love my child and I couldnt do that to her. Any advice?
2006-10-11 18:04:29 · 12 answers · asked by L♥G 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well if family means being ragged on your entire life than I guess thats love...bull.
My father died when I was really young, so I do know what its like to lose family .
2006-10-11 18:11:03 · update #1
These are the people that matter most to you, so their thoughts/opinions of you are going to get to you the most.
I applaud everything you're doing from keeping the baby to trying to go to school....you're under a lot of stress right now. And you may find it easier to just snap at the little one (especially at the "terrible 2's") than to deal with it.
I would suggest that perhaps you need to take time off from school right now. It seems your parents are already opposed to what you're doing, so what difference will it make if they start yelling at you about not going to school? It would also give you time to get adjusted to your new routine a little better.
But, no matter what, do NOT beat yourself up...you're taking on a lot right now, and choosing to do so. Years from now, you'll be so glad you did, and so proud of yourself for what you've accomplished....if nobody else is going to be supportive of you, be supportive of yourself. You are an amazing young woman, and I applaud your choices.
2006-10-11 18:13:03 · answer #1 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It always seems that we hurt the ones we love the most. I guess it's because we open ourselves up to those we are close to such as family and close friends. I don't think your family is trying to be mean to you ...it sounds like they are worried about you and don't know what to do about it so it comes off like they are being mean...does that make sense? Think about your child first and foremost. You do live a stressful life with being a single mom and going to school but remember...your child didn't ask to be here. It was a decision 2 people made to bring a child into this world so you owe it to your daughter to be the best Mom you can be to her above everything else. She is at a critical learning stage in her life so she is learning how to act and react from you. Try to count to ten or go into another room for a minute before you deal with her when you're stressed out. Be careful not to take things out on her...she's the totally innocent one in all of this.Look at her and that should give you joy and a reason to live.
2006-10-12 07:56:04 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. First of all, the people closest to you hurt you the most because you could care less about the people who aren't close to you and what they say. So it's not that they are doing this intentionally, but it's just because you care so much for them that what they think affects you and means so much to you.
Now about your depression...Been there, doing that. Sorry about the medical coverage thing because there are some really good meds out there to help with that, but since you can't go that route, why don't you start a journal. Writing down my feelings always kind of helped. It's like when you write them down, you are getting things off of your chest and releasing...You can write down the good, the bad an the ugly.
About what you feel like doing, but can't do to your daughter. WAKE THE HELL UP!!! That would be a very selfish move. You think your family is hurting you right now. Imagine what not having a mother would do to your child...And that same family would be around to have to raise her and it doesn't sound like they wanted her to be there anyways so I'm sure that they would have some unpleasant things to say...There are ways you can get help without medical coverage...Look around. And only yell at her when she needs to be yelled at. Not because you are frustrated and hate your life. She didn't ask to be here. You chose to bring her here and you are the one she needs to be closest to. I'm sure if she could talk and type, she would be asking why her mommy hurts her so much with words...think about that.
2006-10-12 01:11:44 · answer #3 · answered by Truth Hurts 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. I'm glad you didn't have the abortion and it's to your credit that you are trying to raise your baby. I used to work as a R.N. on a psych unit for many years, so it is easy to see that You have gotten "burned out" from all the work you are doing and not getting any real support. You are in the beginning stages of depression and you need some help for this.
If you keep doing what you're doing, you will get more depressed and a time will come when you will no longer be able to take care of yourself or your baby. You have to make some changes in your life. I don't know what the specifics of what you have to do are( I mean that I don't know how you are going to accomplish the changes you have to make). But you have to work less, have some time for yourself in your life, and get some emotional support.
Money is an issue for you so you may want to look into getting some help from a church organization and from the Government. You don't have to be a Catholic to get some help from Catholic Charities and their phone number might be in the phone book. Luthern Relief is an option also.
You should have a Social Services Dept. in your county government and your state government. Your phone book may have these numbers in their Government Section. You have to let go of some pride and get all the help you can from wherever you can that is legal and moral.
This is very hard for me to say, but if you can't get enough help after all your trying, you might have to look into the option of putting your child in foster care until after you are out of school. Hopefully when you are out of school, you will have the time, energy, and money to raise you child in the way you want to. I don't know if this is a possibility or not and if it is, I hope you don't have to do that.
I'm sure there are support groups for single mothers somewhere in your area. That is a place you can get some emotional support from people who won't be critical of you.
Honey, my heart goes out to you. Sure, if you wouldn't have gotten pregnant, you would't be in this situation, but that is in the past. We all make mistakes in life and at 63y/o I have made some big ones. You sound like a good woman who is trying to do the best for yourself and your baby.
If you want to communicate some time you, can ask to be a friend on my 360. I haven't figured out how to use Messenger yet
2006-10-12 01:51:26 · answer #4 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems like your family doesn't think you are competent, which is why they give you advice against your will. There's nothing you can do about that unless you become really successful all of a sudden.
It seems like you are frustrated at something. It sounds like it is either loneliness, lack of money, or schoolwork stress. It seems like your family isn't the cause of the frustration, they just exacerbate it. So the first step is to identify the source of your frustration. Often, the true answer is under several layers and so not immediately clear. So what I would suggest is that you keep a journal of your "theories" and what you can do to solve them. Over time, an answer come out.
If it makes you feel better, at least you're getting laid. Me over here, I have no girl experience, I'm horny, I'm getting nowhere, and I'm growing older by the minute.
2006-10-12 01:21:16 · answer #5 · answered by peon 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well, you're not alone...believe me. Being a mom is really hard, we just need to find out a little time to release all the stress we get everyday. About yelling at your little girl well....I really think you need help, because yelling is as bad as hitting, the scars you are making to your girl are really deep, and at the end very hard to heal mostly because at her age they are like little sponges..they absorb everything surround them. There are a lot of groups who can help you ease all your feelings, I don't know where you live but you can search for a group for single moms near your area, they are really good, once you talk to other moms and see that you are not alone, that it is OK to feel bad, then you will understand the need for you to treat your baby girl the same way you would like to be treated. Now about your family...well...unfortunately there is not much you can do, try to not pay attention to all the bad criticism and just listen to good advices that they probably are giving you, they love you I'm sure and they just want to see you and your girl happy. God Bless and good luck!
2006-10-12 01:16:20 · answer #6 · answered by fun 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey...
Keep your head up. You are doing something that truly is hard. Everyone in America likes things to be easy. This is one thing service-minded companies cannot help you with (raising a child). I have a supportive family, so I have no true advice because I have no experience with that. I do have this quote
"Order is not pressure which is imposed on society from without, but an equilibrium which is set up from within." -Jose Ortega y Gasset
2006-10-12 01:09:59 · answer #7 · answered by AmplePressure 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although they made you feel bad when they told you not to have the baby they may not have meant to.
What they did mean to do was to warn you how hard it was going to be to do this without the support of a loving, employed husband.
You are living it now, but it was your choice.
It's time for you to be an adult and tell the Daddy that "somewhat" is not enough.
2006-10-12 01:09:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's TOUGH LOVE. You should ask them for help if you really need it. Most of the time they're only tough b/c they think that'll make you stronger, but they'll be more than happy to lend a helping hand when needed. If not, have friends help you out or have your baby's Daddy help keep her every other day/week so you have some "YOU" time too.
2006-10-12 01:09:48 · answer #9 · answered by sam 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
look sweetie,its not easy at any age (me 34) single mother. its hard and no family support makes it tough. try to remember that they were you immediate family but now that little angel and you are all that its about now. the next time you feel like yelling remember she's so tiny and probably scared because she dosent understand what your feeling. life is too short to waste on anger and depression. your daughter is A gift from heaven and she was given to you because god himself knew you could love her like no other. be patient and take it slow. GOOD LUCK ANGEL.
2006-10-12 01:17:42 · answer #10 · answered by peachy 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋