Help! Boyfriends family?

Question

I absoutley despise my boyfriends family! ive been with him for 2 years..im 20 hes 23..and i love his mom, dad, and brothers..but his grandparents are terrible..they are so judgemental and make me feel so uncomfortable when im there..i get sick to my stomach when we go there on holidays..my boyfriend even feels the same way! and i know the holidays are coming up soon..help! grandparents are supposed to be nice!

Answer 1

the best thing to do is just be nice anyway. you can't control their reaction but you CAN control your behavior. I know that's not what you wanted to hear. It's a tough situation and they are wrong to put you in a tough spot especially since it sounds like you are pretty much family but you are choosing to be with your boyfriend. he needs to stand up for you. and the grandparents need to accept that you are a part of his life. two years is a long time. you amy endup being a permanant fixture in his life. they need to accept that. they may be refusing to do so. pack some pepto and head to granny's it's gonna be a long holidays feel good knowing you have your boyfriend's support. there are many girls who DONT have it. the boyfriend is either insensitive or clueless. you're a very lucky girl if this is your biggest problem. you also have the support of your boyfrien's immediate family. be sweet to the grandparents and spend time trying to get to know them find out about THEIR interests and hobbies. old people were young too, once. that may help your situation. I know it's tough to talk to them sometimes. but may be their attitude will change if they see you are making an effort. (yes, make sure that pepto stays in your suitcase. always good to have a plan B). For stress relief, make sure you decompress with mom, dad and the siblings. let the boyfriend hang out with the grandparents when you arent' there and let the family tag team them just to give you a break but you should be open and see if there really is anything you can improve and see if they actually have any valid suggestions. tell them you wil take anything valid into consideraton. things like your classes (if that is what they complain about) you are not currently taking into consideration but you will take their dietary advice under advisement. (read you'll think about it but no promises). the point is to play nice with peple who don't really want to paly nice. just see if there's actually something you can learn. old people like to complain about their aches and pains. thy may not have any and these ones may not have anything to complain about and they may have resorted to something new to complain about. and it may just be they chose you. there's nothing you can do about that. so again, see if there's anything you can actually fix. try to go and anticipate anything they might nitpick. that should help as well.

I hope these suggestions help.

Again, packup on the pink stuff. I thinkt hat might do more for you than anything else but you should give the other stuff a shot. try also packing a positive attitude. you can also try telling them you don't like ther attitude.

Answer 2

His own mom, dad, and brothers probably feel the exact same way as you two, but they love them and have to put up with them during the holidays because that's what families do is put up with each other for the holidays. Some people say fight fire with fire, I say fight fire with ice. Be as sweet as you could possibly be. For every judmental thing they say to you, smile and give compliments on their clothes, their looks, the food, their home decorations, and really compliment them on their personalities. "Oh Grandpa and Grandma Smith, you are such straight talking people. You don't find that in people today." " Oh grandma, you are such a classic beauty." "Are those pants made of 100% cotton or are they a mixed blend? How stylish!" I would listen to them but mock them inside my head. That's a discreet level of fun. If they ask why you are so happy, just say it's the season and the holiday spirit. If they don't like you, you may as well give them a good reason to be annoyed with you. Why are they so judgemental? They could just be very opinionated. Ask them questions about their history/background? The best method might be to Just try to stick close to and enjoy conversations with your bf and his immediate family since you are closer to them, and they can make you feel more comfortable. Not all old people are nice even if they are somebody's grandparents. If you decide to go there with your bf's family during the holidays coming up, you should grow a thicker skin for the event. Stand up for yourself if you feel it's necessary. Just because they're his grandparents doesn't give them the right to disrespect you or say any thing way out of line to you.

Answer 3

Hello dear. I know all to well what you are feeling because I've had to deal with the same issue. My first advice to you is don't let anyone steal your joy, happiness, and peace. Pray before they even come to visit or you all visit them and ask God to grant peace between you all and that he will rebuke any evil spirits in those individuals that seem to be hard to get along with. Don't be corrupted by these type of people. Even though you say that they are judgemental, always keep in mind that there is only one judge who judges us all and that is God. I'm sure you don't owe your boyfriends family anything. When they do or say things that hurt you, please just respect them. There is no harm in telling them in a nice manner that what they're doing is wrong but despite it all you are going to be a better and bigger person than they are. One thing for sure, as long as you know you and your boyfriend love each other, you don't have to be around his family for long so try to make the best of the visit. Always keep a smile on your face and be friendly even if they are getting on your last nerve. Don't ever let the devil know what makes you tick. Ask God to help you to love them even as He loved us. I hope this advice helps you.

Answer 4

Be glad that there is not that many holidays in a year. Just have a stiff drink before you go in, fill up a flask and before you go in have a sip or two or three and let everything they say roll off your shoulder. What you should really do is bring some egg nog, get them drunk too. I bet if you and your boyfriend feel this way I bet others do too, and they could all use a little release, spike the egg nog and kick back.

Answer 5

Hey Cyndy,
I know the feeling.
Why don't you ask your boyfriend to talk to them ,after all during the holidays people get drunk and spill out the beans about true feelings(great excuse!)
Then if your boyfriend really cares about you and this really bothers him , well see if he its with you in not Spending so much time with them during this season .
We are not talking cutting g-mom and g-pops of the picture completely but do it in a more casual bussines type of thing.
Good luck=). Happy holidays

Answer 6

Grandparents have seen so much of life. And it's difficult for them to adjust to this world of today. Believe me, I'm a grandparent! And I find it so very difficult to understand young people today. In fact, there are days, I feel the whole world has gone insane. Perhaps if you keep your visits short, it can be more tolerable..........for both you and them.
One day, you will have a better understanding.

Answer 7

go to friends place first!! some where you feel happy, then go to the grandparents house as late as you can, by that time! the day should be over as everyone else are about to leave tell them, you really wish you could stay but you have to run, and say good night

Answer 8

Best thing to do is avoid them. Older people are set in their ways so if they are just cranky then there is nothing you can do about it. If you have to be in the same place as them for the holidays at least try to be in a different room while you are there.

Answer 9

Don't worry, his grandparents won't be around for that much longer. That sounds rude, but it's true. Better that it's the grandparents you don't get along with rather than his mum, dad and brothers, because you'll be stuck with them for a long time!

Answer 10

Grow up. Adults are just people. Cut from the same cloth as the guy who flipped you off on the freeway this morning.

So, now that you are an adult, act like one. Either refuse to go and let them ruin your holiday, or ignore them completely.