to work or not to work?

Question

i have a 14month old baby,my husband is a physical therapist and i am a medtech. with all the news about kidnapping, sitters abusing the babies..i'm really worried. should i stay at home and be a full time mother or work and leave my baby in the hands of another?

Answer 1

I've done both, and I can definitely relate to the fear. You're given this trust and leaving him/her with anyone else can lead to guilt and fear. When I first went back to work, I was a bundle of nerves. Right now, I'm not working, but I still take my kid to a playschool a couple of hours a week. It's not because I'm lazy or need a break. It's because playschool / daycare environment has a lot of benefits for me and my son.

First, my kid gets to interact with other children. Momma is great, but she still can't run trucks like another toddler. He has also learned a lot of valuable lessons he couldn't learn with just me, lessons about sharing and taking turns. After he got used to it, my son loved being able to go and play with new and different toys and other kids. I've even picked him up while he was in the middle of a game and had him fuss because he wasn't ready to leave yet.

Second, my son learned to be without me for a little while. This step is really hard for the kid and the parent, but learning it now can make it easier for later. Now, I look at other kids screaming when their parents leave them and think, "Whew! I don't have to go through that." My son is so ready to get in there and play, he can't even be bothered to say bye to me half the time. He wants to get in there and get to the fun stuff.

Third, he has learned a lot of things he wouldn't learn with just me. He is better at sharing and taking turns than he used to be. He is much more conscious of washing his hands before he eats. And, though I was already working with him on colors and shapes, the day care teachers are more innovative at finding ways to reinforce the ideas in a fun way.

Plus, I think he and I enjoy each other more after getting a break (even a short one). After school, he runs into my arms and can't wait to tell me everything he's done.

If you have the option, you might want to wait a little while because a 14 month old won't be old enough to get a lot of these benefits. He/she isn't ready for social interaction with other kids yet. However, even if you stay home, I'd consider some kind of program. Many states (if not all) have websites where you can be sure the day care is accredited. My experience is that most teachers really are caring.

Personally, I'd be more nervous about having only one person caring for my child because there's no one else to "monitor" her behavior. In the daycare and the playschool I've used, two or three people were with my son and his class at all times. It seems like there would be less chance for abuse as well as giving the caregiver and opportunity for a break if she started to "lose it". Also, check into the schools security procedures. The places I used were VERY conscious of the danger. The doors were locked and just anyone couldn't come by and pick up my child. They even made my husband show his driver's license when he picked up our son the first time.

Either way you decide, don't worry. Wonderful kids are raised safely both ways.

Answer 2

Being a mature adult will tell you to make your own decisions and understand why you made them. Do you think life is every negative thing you see on t.v.? When you are in the real world does it seem that everything goes like the most negative things you see on the news? If everything you do in life is adjusted to what you see on t.v. then move next door to the t.v. station or become an employee there and use what they use for childcare. You don't hear about news reporters having any problems in life right? Wrong. You need to decide what is best for you based on what you think not what is on the latest news flash. Why do you think your baby is so safe with you? Maybe you are not qualified to properly take care of your baby. What if someone breaks into your house and kidnaps your baby or both of you? Get a baby monitor and record all rooms the baby is in. Baby cam the whole house. Get a personal investigator to screen all baby sitters. Hire a nanny from England better yet. Keep your money rolling and hire someone qualified. I mean come on. What could you possibly teach your baby that is so superior than what everyone else teaches theirs. Are you supermom or something? You ain't doing it now right? Babies aren't that difficult to teach or raise. Anyone can do it and the baby doesn't know the difference. Neither will you. Screen and monitor and keep the big money rolling in so the brat can go to a good college and be employed at a better job than you and your hubby has.

Answer 3

I know how you feel. I have a 15 month old daughter and I'm a stay at home mom. Money is really tight for us, but I'm afraid to leave her in someone elses care before she can tell me about everything that's gone on in my absence. The only 2 people that I would be totally comfortable leaving her with both work. If there is any way you can afford to, stay with your baby as long as you can. Besides the scary stuff that happens, you'll never have this time again. I also stayed home with my first 2 kids for as long as I could, then worked nights so I could be with them during the day. That was really hard, being so tired all the time, but I'd do it again just for the joy of being with them. They're only little once and it goes by sooo fast.... Enjoy this special time with your little one. You'll wake up one morning and be getting ready for graduation wondering where the time went!

Answer 4

That's something you can go over with your husband. The two of you will have to take into consideration if that is managable. Financially will that put a strain on home? Are you prepared to give up working to be a stay at home mom until your child reaches school age? Think of any other ways this might affect your family. You have realize that the things you mentioned could happen even if your a stay at home mom. Children are snatched out of homes, yards, cars, etc. What you need to do if you really want to work is research child care agencies. No one place is perfect safety these days in pre-school has become a priority. In many preschools they take hard knocks approach to securing your child's wellbeing. Give it some thoughts make a pros and cons list of what your thinking about. Hope I helped out.

Answer 5

stay at home. NO amount of money is worth what someone might do to your child plus they would be around more germs than at home.
I know I will get blasted oh well. I am a firm believer of staying at home with your children. NO ONE is going to love or teach them the way you can. yeah financially sometimes its rough but its about sacrafice. Join some playgroups ( SOME dont costs money ) or get up with other moms in your neighborhood so your child can have that interaction!

This is only a choice that you and your husband can make and no one else

Answer 6

I'm the same way. I stay home & raise my kids because I could not trust a sitter or daycare with my kids after seeing & hearing about abuse & kidnapping. That's me, though. I'm sure if you do your research you'll find a good sitter or daycare for your baby. If you're not comfortable with someone else caring for you child, and you can afford it, then stay home.

Answer 7

I think that is a personal choice that no one on here can tell you what you should choose. My job doesn't provide medical coverage and my husbands does. Our daughter has a medical condition that would break us if we didn't have medical coverage. However, after he pays for that and child support on his other children, he doesn't bring home much. So his paycheck wouldn't be enough to even cover our household utilities or house payment even though we live in a small older model house, if I didn't work and bring in a paycheck.

I would love to stay at home but I stayed at home during my pregnancy and for the first 9 months and we had alot of unexpected bills come up that we had to charge on a credit card: major plumbing leak resulting in a huge water bill and an entire tank of propane being used up, the engine on our car going out and costing over $2,000.00 to repair, along with alot of other unexpected bills that his paycheck wouldn't cover. Our credit card minimum monthly payment is $150.00 right now, and my husbands paycheck would never stretch enough to cover that plus all our other bills.

I work out of necessity not out of desire.

Answer 8

The question you should ask yourself is, can you afford to say home and raise your child. Most families don't have the option, both usually have to work. If you are able to stay home, then do it. You will be able to instill the proper values and morals in your child. Also, you will be able to experience very special moments. I was able to stay home for about a year with both my children and it was great. I would avoid putting my child in daycare. If possible, find family who can do it. If I could stay home and raise my children, I would do it in a heart beat. Take care and good luck.

Answer 9

By the time you pay someone to watch your child, your income may not be worth losing those precious moments with your beloved child. No one will love your baby as much as you do and no one will make him/her feel special like you can, and no one will put her safety as the most important thing in the world as you will.
My advice? If you can delay some purchases till the baby goes to preschool (just three short years) It's worth every penny you won't make!!!!! You'll NEVER regret staying with your baby. EVER ;o)

Answer 10

I am going through the same thing with my son.. He's only 3 months old though.. I'd love to be able to stay home with him, but I'm a single mother and need to work..