Why not kill myself?

Question

So I'm depressed and long for death. I saw the chaplain(I'm in the army) and went to the hospital. I still see death as the best answer. So why not? This world seems too much for me. I hate it. I wrote this poem to describe it.

I'm terrified,
I don't know what I'm doing,
I'm so lonely,
dear god help me.
pray for me,
pray for me.
Where is my silver cup,
So thirsty,
So thirsty.
I won't hesitate,
To hit the highway.
I haven't found the reason,
Not yet at least.
Where is my succor?
I can never leave,
I can never leave,
I can never leave.
Why can't I leave?
What makes me so special?
Please forget about me.
I am nothing but a playful breeze.
Let me die in peace.
I have nothing.
I want nothing.
I want nothing!
It is so bad....
Mcusta will save me,
Reunite me with my lord.
Why brood on these dark thoughts?
Because these are all that remain.
"He who wants his life, will lose it."

Answer 1

Tallspot0, You are depressed. Could it be because of the married girl who plays games? Would you really ever trust someone like this? Someone who is not true to her husband and lies about him? If all she says is true, then why doesn't she leave him? Because she is a tease and wants to string you along. I am a woman and I know women and how they think. Believe me.

You mentioned God and you mentioned that, "He who wants his life, will lose it."

No, that is not correct. Jesus says that, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Meaning that when you give up your sinful nature and follow Him, you will gain eternal life.

You were placed on this earth for a reason and that reason is to love and live for God. You are very precious to Him. So precious that He sent His Son to the cross for you. Jesus died so that you can live. Give your life to Him and follow Him and you will find happiness.

Also, you are dwelling on darkness and gloom. Anyone can do that. This is so unnecessary, pray and ask God to teach you to be happy. When these thoughts come to you ask Him to remove them and He will. Don't waste your time with poems like this.

There are many women who will make commitments and love back, that can be trusted. However, no rational girl would want to be with a guy who is contemplating suicide. People want to see happiness and strength in their mates.

I am praying for you and you need to turn your life over to God for the healthy and happy life that He wants for you..

Answer 2

Poor soul you are lost, but the fact that you are asking is a sign that you want the help.

You are not alone, especially the way things are in the media around the world, it seems like everything we do is after all in vain. Ask God to carry you a bit longer so you may come to an understanding, and don't forget that we are all here for a reason, and it is our job to find out what it is, ponder the scriptures, if that is what you need to do, never mind what people say its what you feel, and how you feel that is important.

Writing down this poem is a good start, you can write what it is that makes you feel so desperatly low, I have been there and although I still ponder the reasonning of it all, I have come up with the fact that every action has a reaction, and you may not even know that your smile has saved someone from commiting the unthinkable, that your act of kindness have given more than one person hope, we are here for each other, on the other side time is different, and a day is like a thousand years here on earth, so really when you think of it, life is very short, and precious, for here you can feel, taste, think, do to help others, I believe you can only watch once you reach the other side, this is what makes life so precious.

Let us pray for your well being, that you come to understand that your life is worth living if only to feed the birds on a daily basis, or to bring a smile to a child's face. I hope God grants you the strength you need to continue in this world, for it is easier to end life than to live it. May God be with you in Jesus' name Amen.

Answer 3

First, I've been where you are right now, so I'm not going to give you all of those trite answers you might hear from people who haven't been in the pits. That crap about "It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem" just pissed me off. I WANTED a permanent solution!

That said, why shouldn't you kill yourself? Mostly because there is a really good chance that you WILL begin to feel better! The chaplain, while being somebody to talk to, isn't necessarily the best person to help you with depression.

I've also served in the military. I spent a short while in the Army National Guard, in field artillery, and then a tour in the Air Force, and then some time in the Air National Guard. I left in 2002.

You guys have it a bit tough right now. Lots of stress with a war going on, a confused public, and the uncertainty of the future. And with that, I have no idea what's going on with your personal life. It seems you have faith in your God, you seem to be quite creative. You eloquently expressed your feelings. I too wrote some really dark poetry.

So what do I recommend? I would look into seeing an off-base counselor, a therapist. Why off-base? Because you don't necessarily have to report that contact and you won't start the Army thinking you have some sort of mental illness. Talk therapy can really help. If it turns out that you have clinical depression and need to go on medications, then the military may need to know about that. Even still, I had one man I supervised that had depression, treated it with medications, and he's still serving and his depression is under control.

So, the point is that depression can be treated. It doesn't have to last forever. Why kill yourself over the depression before you find out that something can be done and that you can be happy again?

In my case, I'm bipolar. I, without treatment go between periods of crazy mania, where I get myself into dangerous situations, to deep depression. I've been hospitalized a number of times. I did find out one very important fact: drinking alcohol will throw me into an even deeper depression than I could have imagined. Alcohol is a CNS depressant, and if you're depressed, will only make things worse.

So, please try to hang on. Just wait and see if it might get better... even for a couple of weeks. If you can't do a couple of weeks, how 'bout until you talk to somebody who might be able to help.

You might want to check out this site: http://www/dr-bob.org/babble/psycho There are lots of people there who are actively working on their depression. You'll find pages on meds, relationships, etc. The page I pointed you to is psychology. Give them a try as they've been there too.
--Dee

Answer 4

At the moment death seems like the only option. But that is because your mind is depressed and is unable to see a future. This is what depression can do.

It is good that you write your thoughts out.

I want to reassure you that this hell feeling will not remain. Be strong and hold on. I understand how difficult that will be but life will again be good and your depression will pass.

I do hope that you are having professional help and medication, if not, please see your doctor now.

It is important that you tell your health provider exactly how you are feeling so they can respond in the right way.

There are people who care about you and who find it difficult to know how to help you.

For the time being, you need to try to find the tiniest good things that have happened during the day.

I was where you are now, I did not believe anything would change. It does and it will for you too. Be strong and be kind to yourself.

Answer 5

Go to www.hufa.org and click on the symptoms link. Check out what you are feeling and experiencing now and have felt and experienced against the list. Then read the info. Low blood sugar can skew perceptions of the world.

I know. I have not been where you are at, but at my worst, my brain and body felt like they were not functioning properly, and that they would never function well again. Just changing one thing in my life - the times I ate food - helped me regain control, and memory, and sanity.

I hope you will try it for at least two weeks, before you decide to take that final step.

If you need or want more info on eating for low blood sugar imbalance, I will be here for you, with a 6-8 hour delay due to schedules.

Answer 6

I don't know if you are male or female. Hormonal imbalances due to pregnancy, childbirth, miscarriage and more can cause you to feel this way. These things are medical problems that can be helped with meds. Male or female, there are many medical conditions that can cause you to feel this way. I would suggest a complete physical by what ever doctor you choose. You don't have to tell them why... If nothing else, call your local hot line. Only those parents who have lost a child from depression, physical or otherwise, can understand the pain my dad went through when he lost his oldest child...

Answer 7

This is so F-----ing stupid!I Is,nt everyone affraid of something in this world? You Are Not the only one! And I,m sure anyone who reads this will be praying for you! Are you looking for sympthy from people on the internet?Mcusta or your custom??you sound like you KNOW right from WRONG,And YES HELL is fr--king hot!if your still on the planet tomarrow log on YA.com and let me know , til then GODS SPEED and LOVE anoint you as you read this..luv to ya from diane in east bumfruck ,ky yeah i,ve been there, done that tallspot0 CHILL OUT FRIEND!

Answer 8

Sunsets, fluffy kittens, the smell of snow, hot showers, beautiful music, just going for a drive, hugs, birds singing, giggly babies, good food, new fresh sheets on the bed, a good movie, an engaging book with a cup of cocoa while a storm is raging outside your cabin, making love, smell of perfume, a good laugh...

Feel free to add on.

Answer 9

You know people make of there lives what they want, so stop feeling sorry for yourselve and do something about it. I know probably everything seems dark but try and socialize with people, workout, do things for you, just give it a try you´ve got nothing to loose, stop saying things that will only get you more depressed. Try counselling I hope you get better. And believe me endong yourlife is not the answer.

Answer 10

I think that everyone out there has considered suicide, but you have to realize that things will always get better in your life. If you die then you have left many, many people who love you asking themselves why and if it was their fault. If you just focus on making it minute by minute and then day by day you will see that there is so much out there to do and to see.