Having to keep this secret is eating me up inside. I'm a normal girl in high school and in April i was told that the reason i hadn't started my period was because of a hormone defect. I have no uterus, and was born with testes instead of overies. I had surgury to remove the gonads 3 weeks ago. Ever since school has been a nightmare. I have missed so much school because of depression and anxiety that has followed me. I only wish i could talk to my friends without becoming a freak show at school.The only thing that keeps me from getting over it, is the fact that I can never have kids of my own. I need others opinions and advice. Any encouragement and words of wisdom are greatly appreciated. help me please.
2006-10-11 16:31:19 · 22 answers · asked by cougarbrooke08 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
That's a personal health matter, and I can totally understand why you want to keep it private. You need to really evaluate your friends and decided if you can trust them enough. I think what you're probably wondering is if your condition makes you weird, and you're most likely wanting to tell somebody in an effort to discover the answer to that question. The truth is that everybody has something that makes them different, and it's not as if you chose this condition, it's just something unfortunate that has happened to you.
Whatever you decide to do, don't let anybody make you feel like you're strange, and don't take the opinions of a few high school kids as the absolute truth. Good luck with everything, and just remember to stay strong. There will be better days ahead.
2006-10-11 16:44:56 · answer #1 · answered by hawkeye847 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have a really close personal friend that you can trust, then sure! But you know what, this is really more interesting then freak showish. You had a medical procedure done. What reason did you give your friends for missing so much school? And if word does get out, it will only be on the front page for a couple days. High School kids are so selfish and self absorbed, that your little testicle story will come and go. I think that you would get more support then ridicule though. Especially considering you are not able to carry a child. Thanks God there are millions of babys and children in need of good homes! And if you think that it's just not the same, your wrong. I do foster care in my home, and I love them just as much as my birth kids! Why are you so depressed and anxious? I guess I can understand the depressed part, but why the anxiety? You know what, talking to people is very healing. Open up to your closest friends and see what they think, and just go from there. I think you'll be very surprised at what you'll find out. And then you'll be mad because you were anxious for nothing. Take care and best of luck!!
2006-10-11 23:47:45 · answer #2 · answered by frigidx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't keeping a secret that's eating you up, it's that you don't have anyone to talk to that can understand. It's natural to turn to your friends, but how can they understand? Look for others that have similar conditions, you can search online under "intersex". There must be message boards or something. You certainly aren't alone, but these conditions have only recently come out into the open. I can't imagine what it's like for a young woman to discover that she's sterile, and I won't try to address that. If you tell your friends anything, limit it to that...that you have a health problem and found out that you can't have children. They can relate to that and sympathize, and they don't need any more details. I wish I could say something to help you not be embarrassed, because this is not a scandalous thing. It isn't visible. It shouldn't affect your personal relationships, including marriage. You are, by your own description, a normal high school girl who is simply infertile. I know that's a serious emotional blow to a woman, but please deal with it as just that. You are not a freak. My prayers are with you. Treat yourself gently. You are still the same wonderful person that you were before you ever discovered this.
2006-10-12 00:36:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that you found this out right now I know that high school is a very scary place and that you are trying to discover yourself. I believe that you should only tell you friends when you are ready or if you have that one friend that you have known since you were like 4 you can tell him or her. But I do think that is best that it goes no further than your friends and family. And you may not be able to have children of your own but I think that is why there is adoption. I know you may want to have children that share your DNA but the children in the orphanages do not care all they want is a loving home. You are not a freak you a God created human being and you may not see your purpose here in life but it is there just give it time.
2006-10-11 23:46:48 · answer #4 · answered by Nita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't tell schoolmates as the damage that they can do is much worse than the feelings you have right now.
I would definitely recommend that you see a counselor who is experienced in gender identity and possibly genetics. Every fetus starts out female and the transition to male for persons with XY chromosomes is a treacherous one. In your case it wasn't complete.
Right now, while you are young, you have choices as to how you will live your life. You know that as a woman you will not have children, and you will have to take hormones as well. These are problems that your parents are not very familiar with, and they have no idea how they would react if it were them in this situation.
Please find a therapist experienced with gender identity. If you are comfortable being a girl, and that is who you truly see yourself as, then fantastic! The thoughts may come up though that you might have been a boy too. That would be natural as you probably have X-Y chromosomes, or even some other combination. The point is that you really need to address these questions before you make heavy life choices.
One example of this choice would be if you have a boyfriend. When might you tell him? What might he think? Please work it out with somebody beforehand.
--Dee
2006-10-12 00:10:18 · answer #5 · answered by Deirdre H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should tell your friends at school about this, unless you have a very very good best friend who you know will keep it secret. This is the kind of high school gossip that people will love to spread around and you will only end up feeling worse. I know that you are having a hard time dealing with this issue all by yourself with no one to talk to. It is really hard to go through something and have no one to talk to about it because when you talk, you are also figuring out how to deal with it! If the emotions are overwhelming, write in a journal, talk to your parents or siblings, or if you DO have that very best friend, talk to them. But don't think that you can tell all your friends and keep the rumors from spreading. Its not that they are bad friends, its just human nature. You know, there is nothing wrong with asking to see a counselor. If you are depressed, you might enjoy having a person there to listen to you and boost you up every week!
2006-10-11 23:39:56 · answer #6 · answered by alohajen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think not. I see a lot of people here who care about you without knowing you. Even a best friend can slip up & tell someone because they have trouble dealing with it.
You asked us. OK. Therapy will help. You seem to be aware of what you need to do. There are chat rooms for every topic thee is to talk about. Maybe you might try asking how to find these forums on this site. If you can't get an answer, do some surfingYou need to talk about this.
Good luck, and remember you are not a freak.
2006-10-12 00:02:49 · answer #7 · answered by bob h 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Telling friends at school seems like taking a big risk of being rejected or made fun of by people who aren't mature enough to handle that information. Possibly telling a special friend, whom you can really trust, would be okay. Talk to a counselor and see if there is any kind of group of people that meets, who are in the same situation as you.
2006-10-12 00:01:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you involved in with a counselor? If not you should get a referral from your doctor. I have heard of others who have had your situation, it's not common, but not all that rare.
I don't see why your friends need to know....you are still the same person they have always known. Some counseling and perhaps short term of anti-anxiety medication should help you get things back in order. I wish you the best..
2006-10-11 23:40:17 · answer #9 · answered by missourim43 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never change yourself for others. In time, your friends will just have accept who you are. If they are your true friends, they should be able to understand and not give you a hard time for it. Everybody is different in some aspect. To tell you the truth, with the technology these days, it is still possible for you to have your own kids...they are called test tube babies. Be optimistic and keep your head high. Life is too short to be depressed.
2006-10-11 23:43:29 · answer #10 · answered by SD CHARGERS 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋