Parents with experience- What can I do to help my little girl go to sleep on her own, without mom beside her?

Question

Yes, I know I should have never started this, but, I did. I have been sitting beside her and holding her hand until she falls asleep -always. She has gotten better, she usually falls asleep now within 10 min. But I want to stop. She is three and a half almost, and I have her second sibling on the way. I do not stay with her brother until he falls asleep, I have learned my lesson. I really don't mind it, but I know she is getting too old for it, and with the new baby on the way, well, I might be harder to keep doing. She cries when I tell her that she needs to go to sleep by herself. Not just fit cries, ( I can deal with those and let her scream), but honest to goodness "I'm scared to go to sleep by myself" cries. Tonight she told me in between sobs that she was sorry she is scared. What a heartbreak! I told her she doesn't have to be sorry for being scared. What can I do besides pray that will help her not be scared and go to sleep on her own? She already has a nightlight.

Answer 1

. My son would try anything to get me to sit with him...or to get into my room....he would even say things like im scared of you dying mommy..i mean who could walk away from that. I couldnt take it anymore...i have 2 other kids also and i didnt want this to start with all of them...because monkey see monkey do...lol. Anyways. i took him to the store and i told him that it was time for him to start doing things on his own. I told him because he was such a big boy who could go to sleep without any help that i was gonna let him pick out a new nightlight for his room and one sleeping buddy. He loved that idea. Got home that night i tucked all of them in and walked right back out. I didnt delay or wait and see what was gonna happen. About 10 mins went by before he realized i wasnt coming in there. Then the crying started...and it lasted all of 2 hours. Then the excuses to be up started...i got to pee...i need a drink. lol. ISo i got up and went in there took the nightlight and the teddy and walked back out without a word. He flipped out...he wanted those two things back so much he was willing to give up on me and snuggle down to sleep. It took a couple of nights but it worked great. I think letting him pick them out really helped get him more attached to them. I wish you good luck...its hard but it is something you have to do now while she is young. Alot of people object letting thier kids use a nightlight...but i say hey i can remember once when i was 14 and just a tiny bit scared of the dark...lol. I had always had some light on for them but this was more special cause it was in the room...lol

Answer 2

I think you have a lot of great answers so I just wanted to tell you to spread the word to other parents who are making the same mistake with their children. It's easier on a child to learn earlier to sleep on their own. It damages them more once they get used to having someone there as a constant. This answer worked the best for me, I did this with my children at about 14 months...minus the kiss in the palm part.......it works. Tell her you are going to give her a kiss in the palm of her hand for her to hold all night and it will keep her safe. Then sit beside her bed until she goes to sleep. The next night move the chair further away..just keep reminding her that you are still there and she is holding your kiss.
Finally move just outside the room and tell her you are never far away. It takes some time. But fear of the night and being alone is very real for a small child.

Answer 3

I am not a parent but I too was like this as a kid. I was around the age of 4 when I stoped and could sleep on my own. I remember being scared but I cannot remember why. At first I had to have the light on in the room and hallway with the door open. Then just the hallway with the door open a little bit. Then around the age of 5 I was able to sleep in the dark. I never had a night light at all.

By the age of 6 I hated any light , sound or people near me when it was bed time. I suggest moving her bedtime perhaps to a later time. As a kid age 4-9 my bed time was 10PM or 11PM I forget. Around the age of 10-12 my bedtime was around 11:30PM.

I hope any of this helped good luck I look forward to reading what others posted.

---edited---

Ya I just read "scout485" and I remember getting to sleep much better if I went to bed not when I wanted to but much later then my parents declared bedtime. They wanted me to go to bed at around 8PM which was way to early.

Also a funny note even today I hate the dark I can only sleep in complete darkness but I look in my closet and under my bed every night before I go to sleep and I am done high school. lol

---edited again--- Refering to the post below mine I cannot sleep a day without a fan running. No matter how cold it is I need a fan beside my bed on a low setting. If its to cold I point it away from me or off to the side. I am addicted to the sound. I have slept I think 2 or 3 times without a fan running next to me in the past 4 years.

Answer 4

Don't let her fall asleep to a DVD! That is just bad advice and a bad habit. Moving the chair slowly out of the room over a week sounded good, that is similar to what "Nanny 911" might suggest. My daughter had soft music playing in the background for a while and that helped. I gave her a special teddy bear we call "good dream bear" that helps her go to sleep and gives her good dreams, keeps nightmares away. I think walkie talkies would be too distracting. You could check on her every few minutes maybe and when she saw you that would soothe her. Good luck! AND - good luck with your new baby!!

Answer 5

Tell her you are going to give her a kiss in the palm of her hand for her to hold all night and it will keep her safe. Then sit beside her bed until she goes to sleep. The next night move the chair further away..just keep reminding her that you are still there and she is holding your kiss.
Finally move just outside the room and tell her you are never far away. It takes some time. But fear of the night and being alone is very real for a small child.

Answer 6

I think it's very sad that a child's need for comfort -- so little, really, just a few minutes worth! -- is seen to be such a big deal. She's *a little kid*. It's heartbreaking because it's hurtful. And it's not because you made a mistake a long time ago. It's because it just *is*. We're human beings, it's a *good* thing to need each other.

I'd suggest reading up on the emotional and developmental benefits of attachment parenting. Good luck and be kind!

Answer 7

Buy her a special "something" to go to sleep with. Find something you know she's gonna love, it doesn't have to be expensive and she can only have it when she goes to bed when you are not there. During the day her "something" has to be placed high in a cupboard. If she still insists on her being with you then take it and put it away until she understands that she can only have it when you are not there.
Hope it helps, Good Luck!

Answer 8

Sounds like she is not really ready for bed. Maybe you are trying to make her go to bed too early, wait until she is sleepy and she will go right to sleep. My kids, all three of them, never would go to sleep at early hours, even at 2 they would still be active until almost 10 pm and then would go to sleep and sleep well. I do know my sister in law set 8 pm as her daughter's bedtime, arbitrarily, and always had problems getting her to go to sleep, she would usually get back up several times.

Answer 9

Have you ever watched Nanny 911? They showed a great technique. You create a routine for bed- so child knows when bedtime is (for my added thing, its alway best to say 15 min til bed....10 min til bed.....5 more min hun.....prepares them).
Once you bring them to bed- hugs and kisses- and normal goodnight. Go back out of the room.
If child comes out of the room- You only say "It's time to sleep" - bring them back to the bed- small kiss. Leave the room.
If child comes out of the room again- You say bring child back to room- "it's time to sleep". No kiss... Leave the room.
If child comes out again....no words....walked back to bed.... leave. (repeat until child falls asleep- speaking no other words).
It could take a few tough nights- but pays off in the long run.
Good luck.

Answer 10

Im sorry I cant answer this but I do the same thing with my son and did the same with my 2 daughters I seriously doubt if someone on this site could help you with that question If I was you I would try to ask someone like dr Phil(Im not joking or ask a psychiatrist)