My daughter, who is a high school senior, just informed that she is applying to an expensive private arts college in New York. I went online and found out that it's going to cost me 40 grand a year. So I told her that I can't afford it and that she is going to have to get a loan if she wants to go. We ended up having a huge argument, and she tells me I'm a bad parent because all her friends parents have saved up for their kids education, and they don't have to get loans so it's all my fault. I have been putting money aside for her education since she was young, but certainly not enough to cover even her first year of college if she wants to go to this expensive private arts school!
Anyway my question is, am I really the "bad parent" that she labels me for not putting more money aside for her and not being able to afford this type of education for her? And have you ever heard of a parent who has saved a total of over $100,000 for their kid's college education, or is she lying to me.
2006-10-11 15:05:35 · 21 answers · asked by Chicago Man 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have four children. One is in med school, two in college, one in high school. I raised them alone with no outside money. When it came time for college, I told them I would file the FAFSA and get all the aid I could for them, but I couldn't pay a penny myself. They went to state university (Berkeley) and had grants and loans of their own all the way through. They're so glad that their education is their own. I don't have any say about what they take for courses, how they do, where they live,what they do. You've done your job, and she can get enough aid in grants and loans to go to a great college and live her own life. Once you've applied for FAFSA (www.fafsa.ed.gov) the colleges will offer her a package and she can choose based on her aid. Hang in there Dad!
2006-10-11 15:17:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Henry, you aren't a bad parent. You put money aside, her expectations are way out there. I am a bad parent, I didn't have anything for my daughter to go to school on. She's going on scholarship, thank the Good Lord she has a 4.0 average. She did take a student loan once, but it was an emgerency, and it's not but a little over $2,000. And I am paying that back for her.
Kids want the moon, and they don't realize to capture it; you got to have some bucks. I am sure their are parents that have saved a lot for college, but they had the money to save. Your daughter's heart is broken, New York is an exciting place, and it would be awesome that she could go, so she needs to check on scholarships, awards, grants, and loans...If she wants this bad enough; she's going to have to help.
I know how you feel, believe when I say I do, I wish we had a money tree in the back yard, but my kids do appreciate their things, and they know what it is do without the big things, they know what hard work is...so they have a sense of self-worth, that the ones that everything is handed over to them don't. So, forget that money tree, and tell her you will help her, but you can't do it all. That's life, and she needs to learn to deal now. Please help her check into the financial assistance programs they have available, you could be very surprised. And if she doesn't qualify for any of their programs, then offer to help her find another school. NO, you aren't a bad parent! And I hope she apologizes soon, because you definitely aren't.
God bless us all........
2006-10-11 15:18:57 · answer #2 · answered by totallylost 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Haha ...by the way i laughed about this sorry. um yes i know where your coming from im only 17 and i would never date a teenage guy cause i know how they are. eaither they drink, they smoke, they sleep with every girl and they have discusting tattoos and piercings. I definatley know. Oh first of all please ignore all these people that are saying mean ignorant things. i can pretty much tell they're all teenagers. When it comes to teenager they...we dont care about anything we dont care what adults say....but certainly all bad teenagers will realize they need to grow up at some point in their lives. Anyways, Well i wouldve actually done the same thing except spit on the boy! lol. I know its tough cause you want the best for your daughter and you dont want her ending up likeing this guy and her getting pregnant right? ....but that doesnt have to happen. if she's smart enough then she'll know not to fall for boys like that. or you can just talk to her about it. But you cant always tell your kids what not to do. cause cmon, their kids. So i would suggest you talking to her about these satanic boys. And well if you dont want her in public school try putting her in home schooling. there is also a website where she can get her degree faster. hope i helped! :) Good luck!
2016-03-28 05:50:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO- you are NOT a bad parent. I have nothing saved for my childrens college. I barely have $5.00 left at month end.... And I am not a bad parent. I work, go to school, raise 2 kids, and keep food in the house and electricity, gas and water on.
Does she NEED the expensive school- or is that where her friends are going? If she wants it bad enough, she will need to get a job. I realize that it will not be much, but it could cut down on the loans.
2006-10-11 15:13:13 · answer #4 · answered by rottymom02 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell you have saved for her college education and this is how much you have put aside.... and that is what she is getting. I am sure she has lived well these last 18 years.... sounds like she might have lived a bit TOO well. Who does she think paid for that?? You are not a bad parent - you did what you could to save for her college education. She can get grants and scholarships based on HER grades and not daddy's money... so maybe it is time for her to do HER part and EARN her college education!!! You can tell her that, yes, there are parents who saved $100K for their kid's college... but that isn't YOU. And either she can take what you DO have for her or she can do it on her own. I think it is time she grew up... and realized that money doesn't grow on trees nor do you get it handed to you. Trust me, she will appreciate her college education a lot more if she has to do her part to stay in the game. Tell her it is time for her to go on line to CollegeBoard.com or Fastweb.com and find out what she qualifies for in grants, scholarships, and loans.
2006-10-11 15:12:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is a spoiled rotten brat! We, as parents are under no obligation to pay for our children's college education. Once the child is 18 all financial obligations stop. Yes, alot of parents save for their children's college and yes, some parents can afford that much but some of us can't. We've told our son who is 10 yrs. old that he's going to have to do it on his own because we will probably not be able to afford to help. No you are NOT a bad parent because of this. There is nothing wrong with your daughter getting student loans, grants and even working to pay for her education.
2006-10-12 02:50:16 · answer #6 · answered by Mollywobbles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not a bad parent! But our 17 and 18 yr. old sure do want to make us feel like a bad parent don't they? Our son graduated high school last year and we didn't save for his education because we couldn't....but we made sure that he had everything he needed the first 18 yrs. and we scraped for that and he knows that. It won't be till many years later that she will understand all you have done for her as a parent and it may not happen until she has her own children. But there are many ways that you can get your daughter into a good arts school, that might not be quite as expensive. Help her look for one that you might be able to afford. Also, she may be surprised to learn that alot of large state colleges offer very good liberal arts programs. Also, check with her guidance counselor at school who might be able to suggest all of the ways to get money for college....grants, loans and scholarships. We googled many scholarship websites (I can't think of the names right now) and found that there are thousands of ways to get scholarship money through many different company's. Someways are essay writing contests, academic, creative arts, music, volunteer. Good luck in your search! Just work with your daughter and she'll be so thankful later that you cared that much to help her.....and by the way, my son started Marshall University in the fall (my husband and I went there and it was out of state for him) and we found several different ways to get him money so he could follow in our footsteps.
2006-10-11 15:51:59 · answer #7 · answered by jenny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you know any of her friends parents you may wanna consider asking them how they are going to deal with college.I don't think all her friends parents have saved up. parents just don't tell their children everything and friends certainly don't tell you the truth all the time either. With financial aid and loans and scholarships there are many way children go to school. And if it cost 40 grand a semester than she needs to be ready to do her part to provide the education she wants. And no your not a bad parent.
2006-10-11 15:17:20 · answer #8 · answered by HERE4U 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not saying you're a bad parent, but people, let's be realistic.
If you want to save up for your children's education do it all the way or don't bother.
You said you saved up less than 40k? At a private school that will probably pay tuition only and only for one year. Private school tuition is generally in the $30k or more range. If your daughter went to public school your $40k would pay for one year's expenses and that's about it. Even though public school may seem cheap because of tuition, you have to factor in the cost of living and supplies etc. Of course, this depends on where the school is located, but you're looking at a minimum of $20k for one year of public college.
You have to understand where your daughter is coming from, especially if you told her you were going to help her out with school. It is VERY hard for barely out of high school students to cope with the stress of college, let alone having to figure out how to pay for it.
I suggest having your daughter apply for financial aid and see if she can get state/federal grants. Then apply for scholarships through the schools shes wants to go with and through foundations. If she tries really hard, she can get enough to pay for school.
2006-10-11 15:14:55 · answer #9 · answered by Jen S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope never heard of anyone saving up that much money...Your not a bad parent....see if you can help her get a loan....ask her if she would like u to help her shop around for a good place to get a loan....maybe if she can get a loan and you can get a loan u can cover the first year...u also have to think about the next year tho....can you afford to keep getting loans?
2006-10-11 15:08:43 · answer #10 · answered by not_an_angel_just_a_girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋