How I can help my 13 year old daughter?

Question

I been dicorced for 13 years and my daughter was born 1 to 2 weeks before my wedding and as soon my bf found out that we had a girl he just gave her back to the nurse and took off and he did show up at the wedding but dicovrced me right after the honey moon and now i have told my daughter about when her dad took off when he found out she was a girl and she has been ok with it but sometime she would be sad cuz she said it feel like sometimes that shes the reason y me and her father not together and i have told her shes not and now just today i get a call at work from her school and they said she was crying about and i remeber she cryed a little bit last nite about too now how can i help my daughter.

she told me she knows that shes not the reason but it just feels like it

she told me she knows that shes not the reason but it just feels like it

Answer 1

Just be there for her,
Encourage her to talk to you
Explain to her how it was not her fault and how (i hate to say this without knowing the guy but...) he was a jerk, and if he didnt want to know your daughter you didnt want to be with him.

Hope everything goes well
Best of Luck

Answer 2

Im fourteen years old and I just recently found out that the person who I thought was my dad really wasn’t and that the person who is doesn’t care. I'm not going to say that I know exactly how your daughter is feeling but I will admit that I have a little bit of an understanding. When I first found out about my biological dad I was devastated. I didn’t understand why he didn’t want me. You may have said that the reason was because she was a girl but you didn’t tell her why that would matter, not that you'd know the answer to that question. She just wishes to make some sense out of it. Your daughters probably feeling betrayed right now. She probably doesn’t understand why you waited so long to tell her. After all she knows people are born and she knows people die. She’s known this for years. Why should she have had to wait to know things in her own life? Yes I know you have your reasons, that’s just how I felt when I got told about my dad. You've dropped a bomb shell on her. Her feet have been metaphorically ripped out from under neath her. She's probably stayed up for hours at night thinking of all the reasons he could have had for abandoning her and you. Maybe she even came to the conclusion that he ran off to protect yall in some sort of way. Yes, I understand that conclusion makes no sense, but to a broken heart it can mean the world. Trust me I know. I've used it. Either way she’ll just need time and someone to talk to, This isn’t going to heal over night. Counseling is a good idea. sometimes its easiest to talk to someone you have no emotional feelings for. I love my mother dearly but I don’t tell her very much of anything. not because I don’t trust her but because I don’t want to hurt her when im hurting. Just love her. Be there for her. and never turn your back!!

Answer 3

Well shoulda, coulda, woulda would apply here. But it is too late for that. The deed has been done, and the story has been told, and you can't rewind. So now, you will need to deal with your daughters hurt psche. I highly recommend that you and she go into some sort of family counselling together. Even if it is with a clergy person. She needs to know that it was not her fault, and you need to understand that a child does not fully understand the way the world works. Things like this should not be told to a 13 year old. There are other ways to tell her why without lying about it.

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

First off, You are probably feeling a little guilty for telling her the truth. But, you are on your way to an honest relationship with your child. The only thing you can do is be there for her to talk to. You have the difficult role of being mom and dad, You have to let her tell you how she is feeling. No matter what she says. You have to LISTEN to her because that is her way of telling you it hurt. Then you two can talk openly about it. This will be ongoing, maybe not the same issue, but once she knows you can handle her feelings, things will start to calm down. Good Luck and keep your chin up. Parenting is very difficult sometimes. I'm sure you're doing just fine.

Answer 5

Shut your trap. Thats how you can help her. There is a time and a place to tell children things and 13 is such an impressionable age. You have alot of damage control ahead of you. You just plummetted that poor girls self esteem to the gutter. Take her for a girls day out, let her know she is beautiful every single day. Be thre for her, let her stay home from school- ditch work. But fix it and fix it now. If you dont these daddy issues will come up again years later. You dont tell children things like that.

Answer 6

I know you probably thought you were doing the right thing being honest to your daughter but like they say "somethings are better left unsaid" but since you've already told her this you should tell her how special she is to you and how lucky you feel having such a wonderful daughter. And make it clear to her that she's not the reason your marriage did not work out with her father but her father himself that made it this way and how you never look at it like a loss with him leaving you but instead a favor.

Answer 7

Look there's nothing that you can do physically. But there is one thing you can do in something like this and that is to pray to the good Lord and ask him the same question. You can't change the way things took place yrs back, so don't kick yourself for something that's out of your hands. Get on your knees and pray.
It's the only way. Continue to talk to her and support her the best way you know how. There is something special about a mother when it comes to loving their children. Love her and pray for her.
Prayer is the key!

Answer 8

Why on earth did you tell her that her father left because she was a girl?! That was totally idiotic and insensitive. You could have told her that her father left because he wasn't ready to be a father. That would have been hard enough for her to deal with but you made it worse by telling her it was because she was a girl. Now she probably feels like it was her fault! Good job MOM!

Answer 9

First of all you shouldn't have told her that because you just assumed that it was because she was a girl. did you find out the real reason? maybe it had nothing to do with her.

As a mother myself i would have taken that one to my grave or waited until she was older, but since its out there all you can do is let her know you are there to talk about whatever she needs to. And just listen to her. talk to her doctor and ask them for advice they are there for more than medicine prescriptions. Also see if you can get the school counselor to talk to her..
just listen to her..don't offer any solutions, don't interrupt,listen to her.....love her.. that's all you can do..you cant change anything. she has to figure out that it was her fathers fault not hers.

Answer 10

wow he sucks im sorry you and your daughter is going through this . this is my view . i would first tell her how much shes loved by everyone around her. then i would let her know that its his loss that he is missing out on a great daughter and that he will need her before she needs him . i know first hand how it feels to have a dad who wasnt around . and it hurts and i had to learn how to deal with it . if you can get a hold of him and at least have him meet her once then she can ask him the questions. good luck god bless you and your daughter.