Whenever I talk to another guy (and this is innocently. I'm not even flirting!) my boyfriend practically yanks me away from the guy or announces that we have to leave (and he'll make something up.) He's a lot older than me, so I guess I can see where he would feel threatened by younger men (because I'm in my early 20s) but how can I stop him from doing this? Sometimes I just want to slap him upside the head. I can't have a conversation with anyone unless she is female!
2006-10-11 14:36:31 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Things like this only get worse not better. Most of the time it starts like this and soon you cant talk to your family. After that violence seems to enter the picture. People like that don't change. Is this some one you think you want to be with for the rest of your life? If not, get out now !!!!
2006-10-11 14:45:30 · answer #1 · answered by Nani 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honestly Insecurity is born from either within the person or it steams from the past events of the other person in the realtionship.
Have u done something to make him insecure, u see us women LOVED to be chased, its in our nature. If our man seems to get TO comfortable in the realationship and stops showering us with compliments and gift and attention, we have to do something to get the attention back even negative attention. See ur guy snacthing u up shows u that he doesn't want u with anyone but him.It make u feel like a hot commidity.
All Im saying is that most of the time some ppl tend to say 'MY love is insecure.' When deep down they know they planted this insecurtiy either by pretending to be up to no good or either just doing it. So before u go placing any blam on him step aside and honesty evaluate what u are doing that may strike a cord with him. ANd then switch places, pretend that it was u....
Just think about it to an extent everyone wants their lover 2 b a bit jealous.
And in some cases some ppl are too jealous. That happens often as well, if that is the case think about how far he may take it
2006-10-11 14:56:59 · answer #2 · answered by Gifted and Gracious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you can never change anyone. And you really shouldn't try. Everyone is who they are and that is good. It may not be a good fit for you, but that does not make them wrong and you right. Some women may feal flattered by this behavior. You do not. So is he the right fit for you? I don't know. It depends on how large of an issue it is to your happiness in the relationship. If you cannot see yourself being happy if he continues this behavior, then maybe you should consider continuing your search for you soul mate. If you can truly be fullfilled in your own soul with this behavior, than accept it and appreciate it for whatever core past experience is generating it. Most importantly don't judge him for it. There is no "right" there is only what knits together the pieces of two souls in harmony.
2006-10-11 14:43:34 · answer #3 · answered by Sleepless in Seattle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say that he is a lot older than you.... It could be that he has had a hard time with relationships and now that he has you then he is jealous and afraid that you will find someone better than him... My guess is that he will not only continue this but will get even worse as time goes by... Expect him to go through your mail, email and monitor your phone calls....He will try to isolate you from your Friends and then your family.... This is a person that you might want to think about leaving before it is too late... Hope that it doesn't get to the point that he says "If I can't have you then nobody can"... Be very careful!
2006-10-11 14:42:51 · answer #4 · answered by Dan J 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I had a long time girlfriend that would say the same thing about me that you said about your boyfriend. I was constantly jealous of her interactions with other guys. I thought I was being too insecure, but it made me miserable. Eventually we broke up and dated other people. Then I met a girl that somehow never made me jealous. She always made me understand that I was important to her and never made me feel threatened. We're getting married next June.
If your boyfriend is that worried about you talking to other men, it's probably not that he's insecure about himself, it's that he doesn't trust you.
Why doesn't he trust you?
Try to answer that question. Does he have a legitimate reason? Do you talk to a lot of other guys? In what situations? About what? Does he have a double standard for you, or does he avoid flirting with other women himself?
He might not trust you because of experiences of his own with cheating significant others. That can be very difficult to get over. You need to talk to him about it without saying that he is "insecure". It's probably not that he's insecure. It's that he doesn't trust you.
If things aren't going to work out between you, then that's that. But if you break up it will be because both of you need to find people you're more compatible with, not that he failed to "change" somehow. If you break up he will probably be much happier.
2006-10-11 14:42:21 · answer #5 · answered by stevejensen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just an FYI...We guys get worse as long as you women tolerate it...you need to lay down the law or it WILL get worse. I find that jealous or protective people are either dealing with their own insecurities or...are not to be trusted themselves...
Although in his defense...(I don't know the circumstances but...) I had a friend who's girlfriend used to go out a spend more time talking to other people then she did him...he wasn't being possesive...he just wanted his fair share of time...
One more but of advice...If it's early in the relationship get out as quickly as possible if he's ALREADY acting like this.
2006-10-11 14:45:23 · answer #6 · answered by Bigeyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, you need to talk to him about this. If it is something that can be worked out, it will work out. But if he's a hothead like I used to be, he might not be the right one for you right now. It might take a good stern talking to or even a breakup to make him realize that you are so much more important than his insecurities. Remind him every day, not that you have to, that he is your man and you are his woman. Love will work out the rest.
2006-10-11 14:39:45 · answer #7 · answered by Hank 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Firstly you should tell him the next time he puts his hands on you like that he will be pulling back a nub. Secondly get rid of him...jealous people NEVER improve they only get worse. If he cant trust you then you dont have a relationship worth anything anyway. You can live without his cr@p.
2006-10-11 14:40:13 · answer #8 · answered by dragonrider707 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Keep in mind one thing - however you were when he met you is how you'll always be in his mind. If you were slutty, that's what he knows. If you were shy, that's what he knows. If you were a happy drunk, miserable drunk, a *****, whatever, that's what he knows, and that's what he's afraid of. Slap him upside his head, then get out of the relationship. It'll get worse over time. Trust me.
2006-10-11 14:43:32 · answer #9 · answered by Jim C 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This sounds very serious. You need to talk to him and if that does not help try getting some couple counselling. If you really love this guy and wanna make things work then get third-party help. If you don't love him all that much, then please end the relationship and move on to someone who is not so possessive and jealous.
2006-10-11 14:40:26 · answer #10 · answered by sassy_sexy_honey 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋