Our Special World:
A special world for you & me,
A special bond no one else can see.
Like silken thread it holds us fast,
Bonds like this are meant to last.
And although, at times, a thread may break,
Another one will soon form in its place.
To bind us closer & keep us strong,
In a special world where we belong.
My Story:
My story is simple,
But hard to tell.
I love her so much,
Without her is HELL.
My heart pounds faster,
Every time she comes around.
My thoughts begin racing,
And I feel like there's no ground.
My Legs become shakey,
Every time she comes near,
Her true feelings being revealed,
Are my biggest fear.
As days went on,
My love for her grew.
My love STILL grows for her,
And one day, she'll know that it's true.
2006-10-11 14:05:54 · 7 answers · asked by Jake M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
okay thats so awesome!! i love it!! but don't read those to her until you start dating, cause then she might think you're weird..BUT she won't!! because who can resist an awesome poem like that! for being 13 and writing those poems, thats amazing!! GO GET HER!! oo..um if you want more advice from me jus email me at angelgirl_nd@yahoo.com k?? cuz i love hearing new thigns about this girl! that is so great!!
2006-10-14 12:52:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Our Special World:
cute! very sweet. The rhyme is a little iffy on the second line of the second stanza (since previously you had an aabb rhyme scheme) but not such that it needs replacing. Stanza 1, line 2, try "others" instead of "one else," should help the flow. Stanza 2, line 2, try removing "soon." I think it might sound better and help to minimize the imperfect rhyme.
My Story:
sweet, but a little cliched. Stanza 2 line 2 would rewriting it as "Each time she comes 'round." work? and S2Line4 take out "and" and "like" stanza3 line 4, "is" not "are"
Overall, these are very sweet. I like that you are trying to write in a stylized format, so many people forego them for "free verse." For future reference - try showing your emotions rather than telling, and try to use metaphors and similies that haven't been used or haven't been used often, it will add to the emotional impact of your poem. Try to play around with the length of your sentences, instead of restricting them to two lines with the period at the end of a line.
You've made a good start! I hope you keep writing!
2006-10-11 14:18:47 · answer #2 · answered by Katra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um could no longer i take advantage of mine to in easy terms holiday over my own tongue for slightly at an identical time as I stick to close in the back of you dragging my pen contained in the nice and cozy sand as a replace? you comprehend... contained in the hopes if I pour some gas and lightweight a experience to it, it truly is going to at last cool off and then there is not any possibility of me ever poking each physique else contained in the attention with it ever back? damn it! Too previous due. Sorry expensive, yet Imma frayda Imma gonna needa maya po whims to line my own chair and flooring each and each of ways proper smack back into the bathe back. Line your individual cages and devour your individual alley ali oop oop! Sheeeeyadda yadda yadda, some peep holes i'm tellin ya
2016-10-02 05:12:43 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats really sweet. i wish some1 would write somethin like that 4 me:sigh: alas it was not ment to be.
2006-10-11 14:09:23 · answer #4 · answered by punk_kikyo_16 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
like I said its a winner and wish some one worte stuff like that( my b/f) which I don't have.
2006-10-11 14:18:23 · answer #5 · answered by mandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good job
2006-10-11 14:08:58 · answer #6 · answered by George S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AWESOME both of them are great
2006-10-11 14:07:51 · answer #7 · answered by AngelVirgo9206 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋