I have two teen daughters, ages 15 and 17...?

Question

They find something to fight about daily...its about to drive my husband, my son, and myself out of our minds! The 17 yr old (Ill call "V")always says really hateful things to her sister (Ill call her "S") like she hates her, or she wishes she was never born, or why cant she just go away. Do I try to be the mediator , which usually leads to both of them mad at me... or do I try to stay out of it and let them try and resolve their own conflicts? So far, which ever one I do try, seems to be the wrong one.

Answer 1

it's a teenage sibling thing. My sister and I barely ever spoke when we were teenagers, now we're cool. My partner has two younger sisters about the same age apart as your daughters and I remember them being best friends one minute, screaming combatants the next. Now they're both in their 20's and much calmer, though they still have the occasional blowout. It's probably just adolescence, hormones, the need for their own space and identity. Dont try and force them to be friends, maybe they'll grow out of it, maybe they wont. It's up to them to resolve their relationship and all you can do is be a mother to each of them and not show any favouritism. At the moment as a parent anything you do is likely to be the wrong thing, so just try and go with the flow and be there for them as much as you can.

Answer 2

K, it's very simple. They are fighting for attention. Believe it or not, no matter what age they are... they are vying for your attention. So don't pick a side, stay completely out of it. If they are fighting over stuff and it's making you crazy, then you say this:
I've had enough of the fighting between you two. You 2 need to work it out between yourselves. I am not getting involved anymore. You both want to do (fill in the blank) this weekend so I'm telling you now, if I hear anyone raising their voices or saying foul things to the other, NEITHER one of you will go out this weekend.
It could be talking on the phone that you take away from them. Or TV, or making them go to bed early. Whatever you want. But the important thing is to stop being involved in it. Thats what they want. When you side with one, the other feels rejected and the one you sided with feels like she "won" and you love her more (well, you get the idea... that sounds harsh, but in a sense it's right). So they are pulling you into their drama. Explain to them that it's too exhausting for you and your "done". They are old enough to sort their own issues out CIVILLY.
The only thing is that you HAVE to stick to this and take away their consequence that you set out. And it doesn't matter which one raised their voice, or said foul things first or whatever, after a few privileges are taken away, they will start working as a team instead of being at each other all the time.
Good luck.

Answer 3

I am so sorry you are going through this.But glad to see Im not the only one.The only difference is I have all boys.6 of them ages almost 17,almost 16,14,10,9 and 22 months old.The teenagers are at each others throat constantly,the 9 and 10 yr old at each others throat non stop and tries to pick fights with their teenage brothers.According to several pediatricians this is normal and called sibling rivory.The best thing to do is let it go as long as there is no physical conflict between them.All the punishment and trying to reason with them is not gonna stop it.I know it`s annoying but you will see 5 years from now your daughters will be best of friends with each other.

Answer 4

You should talk to them seperately and find out what the real problem is. Obviously, there's one central problem between them but it only gets magnified when little problems pop up. First off, the 17 year old should be mature enough to leave the younger sister alone. She's older and should be a role model for her little sister. Do they have seperate rooms? They probably need their own space. At their ages, privacy is a big issue.

Answer 5

"S" probably is looking for acceptance from "V" and "V" is trying to establish her own identity. First you need to be consistent and let them both know their behavior is not acceptable. Talk first then start to punish. (Which seems to be hard for most parents to stick with) If "V" has a car take the keys. I find they hate this and will usually get in line. A week should do it. Every time she is uncivil to her sister. She will get the hint. Same with "S" whatever will be painful to her. Tell them they do not have to be friends right now but they do have to be civil and respect each other. Don't worry they will be best friends one day.

Answer 6

As far as the way they get along, you may have to let them work that out themselves. As far as the way they behave, you have control over that. No name calling at all anymore. And if one starts an argument, the other is to walk away. If there is a real dispute they will have to go to you or your husband. Make consequences for not following these rules.

If things do not work out, make them stop speaking to each other for one week. And stick to it. This really works well.

This may seem like a lot of work, but nothing can be worse than hearing that constant arguing.

Answer 7

You poor thing!!
Tell them they're old enough to sort out their own problems and if they want to argue they can go (to a place you decide outside)
but they are no longer allowed to argue in your house and that's it.
Also make sure nobody else is aggravating them,if they can't stop aggravating each other give them individual time alone with you to make each feel special. That age gap promotes constant competition for time,attention,money, etc.

Somehow their joint effort to get you focused back on them is working. Individual projects is the key, you & hubby have 1 each for the day so that each is satisfied they don't need to compete.
They're both jockeying for position of your 2nd in charge, and trying to establish a pecking order. It's up to you to decide how you want your house's pecking order to run,but I hope you and your hubby are in the no 1 slot!!

Answer 8

Congratulations! And it truly is cool you desire to enhance her so she likes you. Her call, i think of, is very a mouthful. Why no longer Lily Rose or Lily Kay? no longer Lilykay, it somewhat is weird and wonderful. in any case I additionally think of there is not any longer something incorrect with the kind you have been raised. I lived with my sister from sixteen-18 and she or he continuously wanted to correctly known the place i develop into and who i develop into with, and that i admire her for it. She stored me risk-free and out of difficulty. i think of earlier sixteen, women should not be aloud to "date". in line with risk have a guy over for a action picture with parental supervision, yet no longer pass out on my own. makeup at 15 is powerful, except she truly truly needs it earlier, wherein case you will desire to easily help her so she would not pass overboard. Like, don't be so insanely strict on her, yet do no longer enable her in basic terms run around loose and doing besides the fact that she needs. Be on the comparable internet site as your husband with elevating your little ones, i'm optimistic your a great mom, and you will stay to this little female.

Answer 9

Unfortunately, this is pretty normal for teen girls. They are so close in age, they are "competing" with each other. A lady I know used one method to stop the fighting with her kids-- she'd make them sit side by side, refusing to allow them to get up until they had talked through the problem. If it continued, she'd make them hug each other!

Answer 10

i have 5 teenagers girl 18, boy 16 g15, twin g13 the 18 and 15 girls fight and i just step in when it gets hateful other wise i let them figure it out they will out grow it
me and my sister fought real bad growing up and we out grew it and are best of friends
at one time or another one of them is fightin with the other and other times they get along fine