My girlfriend is pushing me to get engaged. i dont want to what do i do...?

Question

been together a little under 2 years. she's graduating in december and will probably take a job ~200 miles away from me. im in grad school and have 2.5 more years left and want to wait awhile to see if the whole distance thing works out (ive tried to tell her that and she just got mad at me and accused me of thinking we wouldnt make it). she keeps bringing up rings and engagements and stuff and when i tell her i want to wait awhile to get engaged she gets upset, cries, etc. ill probably marry her, just dont want to yet. think we could be in trouble if i dont do it now or is it safe to put it off? any ideas on how to talk her into putting it off awhile?

yeah Muad Dib that's pretty much been my strategy so far, and it doesnt seem to be working for me

i dont want to break up with her, i just want her off my ***... she's 22 and shes acting like shes about to turn 40

i want to wait till next christmas or so (as in 14 months from now) but she wants a ring before summer or supposedly ill be in trouble

Answer 1

Here goes the best answer to a women's insight. When a women loves you she wants you to know it whether it's buying you things you don't need, over expressing her feelings, always needing reassurance on how you feel because it's just what we need. We have this psychological thing in our mind that if he truly loves me then he will everything for me that I will do for him. The thing is men don't think like we do so you are unaware of what we really need. She is pressuring the engagement not because she wants to tie you down, not because she will own you and not for any other negative thing you can think of it's purely because in her mind she will go to the end of the earth and back for you if she had to, and you'll will make this work because you want it to and to prove that to her she wants you to propose as a sign of certainty that this is the way it is going to be. You proposing to her just gives her security and nothing more. I know that it is coming across whatever you have allowed yourself to think, but trust me she is just searching for security. I think you should tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her that you are not ready yet, tell her you want to graduate first or what ever, but what ever you do be completely honest even if that means telling her that your relationship might not survive this. If you are complete honest even through tears it will eventually be ok because us as women like closer and we hang on to things we don't have closer on so just be honest so when what ever happen, happens there will be closer. Good luck.

Answer 2

I think the biggest thing here is that you are too young. The second one is that you do not know life without him. I think it's so risky for people under the age of 22 to get married when they have no even had to chance to live life by themselves as an adult. You grow so much during that time and learn so much about yourself and what you want in another person. I think that is what you may be realizing...that you want a career and to experience that without sacrificing it through getting married young. I will clue you in-- marriage is hard work. It is! The first year is very difficult-- it doesn't matter if you lived together beforehand or not. Many people who lived together beforehand are surprised at how their dynamic changes after their "I do's" because it's such a huge commitment. Really, the only thing that can prepare you for it is to learn how to be an adult-- be self-sufficient, independent, and mature. I can understand why your friends and family are telling you to forget the career-- but who is it that will have to reap the consequences of your actions? Not them! It will be YOU. YOU will have to be the one wondering if you "should have, could have, would have" your whole life. Do you really want that? Of course your family and friends want you to be happy, but sometimes people who are close to you have their interests too. I think they're the ones being selfish, not you. The fact that you are questioning all of this shows you are nowhere near being ready to get married. I think it's time to have an honest talk with your fiance about your goals. Have you two really sat down and talked about your life goals, expectations, etc.? If not, red flag. You probably want different goals than he does. If it means that you two have to call off the engagement, then so be it. It's better to call off an engagement and possibly break up, than to be unhappy and resentful in the future with the responsibilities of a house and family.

Answer 3

ok i think that you do think that you aren't going to make it because of the distance thing and she knows that you think that and that is why she is pushing because she thinks there is a better chance of things working out if you are engaged before she travels away for the job. Long distance relationshps are tough and take a bit of work but they can be done. I didn't try one for a whole 2 and half a years luckily i didn't have to but i can tell you the man that i am with now if we had had to go that long in the long distance thing i would have done it no doubt in my mind. You say you will probably marry her so there is some doubt in your mind. Maybe you want a break to sow some wild oats or something. She is probably scared to death of losing you and i think she has good grounds to be because i think you are ready to party the minute she goes away. Sorry for being so blunt about it but you really need to do some soul searching and have a long heart to heart with her and figure out exactly where you stand on this relationship.

Answer 4

Just cause you are engaged doesn't mean you have to get married that year or the next. My girlfriend has been engaged for 7 years-both of them are very happy and if it isn't broke don't fix it. So give her a ring and tell her that there will be a date but not until you are both out of school and settled. Tell her that you are thinking of her future together.

Answer 5

Oh man, I too had this problem. There are few solutions, and I will tell you one that has the most possible chances of success: tell her the truth. Tell her everything you think of her, the whole truth. It is hard but it pays off because she can know what she can expect from ya. Tell her that she's pushing ya and that you hate that, and also add to that that you would probably marry her (you think) but pushing isn't helping her a tiny bit on that matter.

Answer 6

What's the harm in an engagement??? You're just making a promise to her that you will marry her! It's not like you have to get married tomorrow or the day after or even next year!

Answer 7

to be honest dont get engaged to make her happy cause u wil regret it and never be happy - as far as what to say to her- it seems all words would make her upset- so the best you can say is - i truely love you and want things to work out- but if we get engaged now it will only be for fear of losing you- and thats not why i wanna get engaged- and if you love me you will understand and not rush it

Answer 8

Yeah haha. Don't let anyone pressure you. Especially with something as life changing as marriage

Answer 9

No one should pressure someone into getting engaged it they do not want to. It has to be mutual. Sounds like she is forcing u! Tell her u love her but u r not ready. If it is meant to be it will.

Answer 10

you should never get married if you know your not ready. you need to ask yourself if she happens to find some one else while she is away "would you be willing to loose her?"as far as long distant relationships-------they rarely last. i think for you to stay together than you should live near each other. best of luck.