How can I make BOTH twins feel special?

Question

I am a young mother of 5 year old boy and girl twins, Josh and Kylie, and 13 month old Brandon. The problems started when the twins were born. Kylie was born small, and there for she was sick a lot. When she would get sick she cried uncontrolably, My husband and I held her to comfort her. This ment less time we spent with Josh. As she grew, Kylie developed severe seperation anxiety and began to cling to me all the time. When the twins began school, we got them into after school activites, Kylie takes dance, and Josh is involved in sports. At practice, Josh's coach asks for parents to get involved. I tried but because Kylie would not stop clinging, it was nearily impossible. She refuses to stay with a sitter or with any family member. It has gotton worse since Brandon was born. She reverted back to baby like behaviors, thus demanding more of my husbands and my time and attention. Add that with the typical demands of raisng an infant. This has made Josh feel very left out.

Answer 1

At five years old she needs to understand that she's not the center of attention any more!! When she is trying to get all of the attention, patiently remind her that it's not her turn. However, give her special one on one time with each parent. This will make her feel special and limit her clingy behavior. Good luck...

Answer 2

The worst thing you can do is give into her tantrums. You are letting her be the parent. One thing you need to learn is that a child doesn't always need comfort when its crying. Its not going to hurt her if you ignore her tantrums and just let her cry, she has to learn that she cant always have you by her side. Id suggest you find a strong willed friend or family member to leave her with every now and then. Someone willing to put up with her behavior and reassure her that you will return for her. She is just afraid that you will never come back. Start out leaving her for 15 or 20 minutes at a time and work your way up to an overnight stay. Eventually she will realize that your not abandoning her.

Answer 3

You are the adult and therefore the boss. You need to crack down on her before she gets any older or it will get worse. Don't you ever watch Supernanny or Nanny 911 ? She refuses to stay with a sitter or any family member? Hmmm, who's the boss ? Each child needs time alone with each parent to feel special and each child needs discipline. Kylie being sick is one thing, but refusing to stay with someone and separation anxiety are nothing but a willful child wanting her way.

Answer 4

I am the mother of identical twin girls who turn 7 this week and an older son who is 9.
1. If you aren't in a Mother's of Twins group - join one. It's always nice to get advice from someone else who has to deal with similar issues.
2. In general, it's good to give each child some alone time and some alone-with-parent time. Give each child - even the baby - 30 minutes of time where it is just you and them. Play their games, talk to them, do whatever they want to do. That will give your son some special time with you to himself and get your daughter used to being without you. Get an experienced sitter (someone who can deal with a screaming child) for a couple of hours each day for 2-3 weeks. Once you daughter gets used to it, she will do much better in general. She will get the special time she craves also.
3. DO NOT GIVE IN. Your son will start getting the attention he needs one way or another. I can tell you from experience, it's much harder to resolve the attention issue as they get older.

It will be difficult for a few weeks, but remember "this too shall pass". Also, I find it's better to deal with behavior issues as soon as they start - if I can. At least as soon as I realize there is a problem.

Stay Strong.

Answer 5

well tell her that you need your personnel space or do what she does when she want to be left alone mess with her