Why is it so hard to find that right person? I'm a sweetheart and fun loving and perky and playful and like to plan sweet surprises for the person I'm with so, why do I always attract guys who have that whole "bad boy" image going on? I'm 24 with a child. All I want is a family kind of guy that wants to grill out and go to the kids ballgames and snuggle up and watch movies at night. I'm not asking for them to spend alot of money on me just time. Why is that so hard to find? Are there any "good guys" left?
2006-10-11 11:40:09 · 24 answers · asked by Tink 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The last few guys I have dated have had turned out to have criminal backgrounds after I straight up told them that was not what I was looking for or wanted.
2006-10-11 11:47:47 · update #1
but they lied to me until they got me attatched then they would tell me the truth. The one I'm with now, admitted to pretending to be someone that he wasnt just to get me to date him cuz he knew I wouldnt go out with him if I knew about the life he had that was suppose to be in his past but now it has come back up again. I love him but I'm in love with the person he preteded to be to get me. Now, I dont know what to do. I know love doesnt exist like it does in the movies and I'm not looking for an instant father or husband. I just want someone I can trust and feel safe with.
2006-10-11 11:54:01 · update #2
To answer the question are there any "good guys" left ... I would say that , yes, there is. The things we see on TV or in the movies are basically that ... it's meant to entertain us. But to find a man like them ...... you may ... but, realistically speaking ... no, I don't think you'll find a Brad Pitt or a Tom Cruise just anywhere and at any time real soon.
"Honesty is always the best policy" its been said. I agree with that. In a relationship honesty is one of your "foundations". If someone must lie to you in order to be with you then the relationship isn't starting on the right foot. If one lies about one thing then will they lie to you later on about anything else?
By reading your question again, you want a man to love and accept you for who you are and your child. When I met my second wife, I too had a child, though living with his mother at the time. But, my wife just came from a divorced situation herself and also had a child; slightly older than mine. Her child's first remark to me was "Don't hurt my Mommy." My wife knew all that I could have in my background because in the time of dating her I told her straight up where I was coming from. As the relationship grew we grew to trust each other and we saw where in many ways we agreed upon many subjects. We have now been married for over 25 years.
Am I the perfect man? No, I'm not. I made many mistakes as time has gone along as well as she has made her mistakes. Forgiveness was the key, though. Because even though we made our mistakes, no one is perfect. You know that. It's what we do with it after we've been hurt, angered and upset. For instance, is my love for my wife, that has grown for years, is it worth to stop forgiving her now? Does this relationship need to "end" though I may have been hurt or vice versa? No, not at all. But like in any relationship and because we have grown together now for so long I can forgive her (and vice versa).
The young man that confessed to you his past. What was he like prior to his making this confession? Was he being the man you thought he was to you? Was he being the father type person for your child? I ask this because, OK, he, at one time had a felon. If he's willing to "open up" now, he's putting all his cards on the table. He knows you could dump him in a second. Yet he's taking a chance. This one time felon may have "learned his lesson" and is now wanting to be and going to be a respectable, honest person in our society. Is he showing you and your child the love you are wanting and needing? Is he showing a fatherly love to your child? Now that he's been straight up with you ... do you see or can you see where he will be the honest and forthright individual you thought you had all along - from this point on? Because if you can answer yes to all of these questions plus any others you have, then the young man you're dating now may be the "right" one for you.
Lastly, as a Christian, I would also advise that you talk to God about this matter. Many say "let your heart lead you". That's not the best advice, in my opinion. Because "your heart"; the love you have for an individual can cloud your judgment. God does have the right man for you. He wants to see you happy. People think that either God or following God is just a bunch of rules and regulations added onto all the others we have. That's not so. In a relationship, through Jesus, God wants the VERY best for you. By following Him He will direct the right person into your life. I know this for a fact. Asking Him to be in your heart and into your life is very easy. Just say, " God ... I know I'm not perfect either. I have missed it too many times. But Jesus died for me and I believe that He did. So, God, I give you my life and I want a relationship with You. From this point on I will follow after You. Fill me with Your precious Spirit. In Jesus' Name ... Amen. Find a good church home that believes in the Bible as THE Word of God and teaches it as so. Tell them you're a new believer and would love to have a Bible. They may help you out in that area. Read His Word. Start in the Gospel of John if you like and read the New Testament first. Then, read the Old Testament. Read it however you would like to. Believe me, by doing this ... by making Jesus the Lord of and Friend of your life .....He will lead you to the right man and vice versa.
2006-10-11 13:29:59 · answer #1 · answered by topper_9090 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thing is, love like it is in the movies and TVs.. that doesn't exist, so don't expect things like that to happen. Not trying to be harsh here, but that's the truth. Give it time and think about what you're doing before you try dating. You should analyze guys before you go out with them. And yes, there are good guys out there.. You just wait and someone you don't "see" regularly, will pop up and well, just plan from there. Love isn't easy, but there is hope. The proof of it is in reality, with happy couples married. And when you find the right person, you'll know. Good luck.
2006-10-11 11:47:25 · answer #2 · answered by Lave 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The same reason that everyone doesn't have the perfect size 0 or buff body. The same reason someone with an air brush doesn't follow you around making sure you look flawless. The same reason you can't drive your car off a bridge and land safely without a scratch to the car. The same reason that someone accidently gives you a suit case full of money.
In other words it's not reality. It would be nice to meet Mr. Perfect but just like everything else in life it doesn't happen that way.
2006-10-11 11:56:11 · answer #3 · answered by Gypsy Cat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love? Heck LIFE is not like it is in the movies.
Script writers can make the ending turn out anyway they want to. Life has no script writers. We have to deal with things as they come at us. We either succeed or we don't
Either way, we move on. There are no credits rolling at the end.
If the movies were more like real life, we'd see what became of that romantic partnership, the first time she farted at the boss' formal dinner party, or the first time she saw the skidmarks on his underwear.
Or when their first child was born severely retarded, and one of the parents just can't deal with it and leaves, for good. Or he has allergies to her cat, but she won't part with the kitty, no matter what and he just has to move on with his life.
I'm sorry my friend. It's not that you attract guys with that whole "bad boy" image. It is YOU who are attracted to them. If you want that "family" kind of guy, then go out and find one. STOP going out with the losers. I mean STOP! Do not date even one more of those guys. There is no one, behind you with a leash and choke chain. Don't date anyone BUT the kind of guy you want. They won't all be the guy you ultimately end up with, but you can be sure those "bad boys" won't be.
2006-10-11 12:34:56 · answer #4 · answered by Vince M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess I don't have a real answer; douchebags grow on trees. But I know what you're dealing with; my mom went through the same stuff after she had me. But she married again when I was 4, and she's still married nearly 18 years later. I would suggest meeting guys in a different place than you are now, and making sure that you are worrying more about your kid than a potential mate.
2006-10-11 11:51:02 · answer #5 · answered by kickapookidonthefritz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you looking for a guy to have a bit of fun with....or are you looking for a ready-made-husband & father?
You need to take this one step at a time. Date a little, have fun, keep it light, go slow and take your time.
You'll meet the right person but don't force it and never let your son be involved with this person until you've known him for a long time.
2006-10-11 11:46:09 · answer #6 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes time to find someone you want to be with and you said "why cant love be like in the movies and tv"? sweetheart this is the real world and reality is not make believe so wake up and face it life is not movies and tv it real.
2006-10-11 11:51:45 · answer #7 · answered by fizzwifeyb2k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow honey , you are so my EQUAL. Im 24 and i have 2 kids, (both from 2 different bad boys)and when i read your question, its like i wrote it myself!!
I mean no joke your exactly like me and what i want and wish and hope for (and movies, tv, amd those damn happy families at the grocery store dont help!)
I feel you sweetie, sigh-- just a great girl with a lot to offer that wants a happy normal life with a man who loves her.
The right men will find us........someday...(soon hopefully)
2006-10-11 11:49:23 · answer #8 · answered by ♥kailababy♥ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
TV and the movies are pretend and even they don't always turn out happily everafter! I know how you feel you just want a man to love you and enjoy spending time with you! I hope that you find this soon!
2006-10-11 11:46:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i got news for you. real love is even better then in the movies. and last a hell of a lot longer then 2 hours.
you won't find him in a hunting mode. ask anyone in a happy marriage if they were hunting their spouse when they found that special one. not one will say yes. the key is to always be open. love is always the last place you have actually looked.
2006-10-11 12:19:51 · answer #10 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for most men aking him for his time is like asking him for a kidney
men are afraid of commitment and the things you enjoy doing take someone who really like doing them. That means they have to be themselves and that leaves them vulnerable. Men do not like to look soft or have feelings.there is someone out there for you just stop looking so hard. because after a while you will look past his real self and just see what you want to believe is truly there and not what he truly is. Tabbicat2006
2006-10-11 11:49:08 · answer #11 · answered by tabbicat2006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋