Homeschooling for at-home parents & older adopted child?

Question

I am interested in adopting an older child, 5-7 yrs old, and wondered how the concept of homeschooling might look to an adoption agency - favorable? With two at-home parents to spend lots of individualized time with a child, we thought it might be best and could side-step some common school-room problems of telling a teacher the child was adopted, or having the kid come home crying because she has to do a family tree project....I live in a small town and have moved here, so I don't have the social ties and no one is discreet. The public schools are horrid - there is a known drug PROBLEM with known drug DEALERS in K-2 school building, I've known of a middle school girl who was gang raped behind the bleachers supposedly with teacher supervision and they wouldn't even let her call her parents, or call the cops....not a good place for a healthy start. There are private schools, but if you aren't in the "click" then your child doesn't get fair treatment....

In response to some answers, I do not wish to adopt a foreign child for language issues - that's just too much extra to handle.
I DO have a great homeschool program that offers charter public school programs as well, and it customizes each subject to suit the child's level so it's MUCH better than most conventional schooling.
I am 31, hubby is a little older but a disabled Veteran and that is how we can afford to both be at-home parents, I have an at-home business so I can spend time with him, the business takes up 3-4 hours a day that can still be shared with family.
Good point on living in an area with little to offer, but it also has little to offer as far as crime, traffic, ease of spreading every winter cold or virus. On the contrary, I can provide a child with all my time with very little chance of a sitter or day-care program. Our family is also involved in weekend musical sings, so peers or adult socialization is covered, PLUS any activities the child is interested in....

Answer 1

Perhaps if you looked into programs and determined what you were going to use first, they would look at it more favorably. You would probably do best at first to use one of the guided programs that offer teacher support, and be sure it is accedited. Then line up all the extra-curricular support, things like instrument/music lessons, art lessons, scouts, and that sort of thing. Then when you present the idea, it is obvious that you have a plan and have carefully made the decisions. It won't look like you are just flying by the seat of your pants. If they question it, I would simply outline the objections you gave us, as well as your concerns. I think they will be more concerned to have parents who are motivated and concerned with the child's education than how or where the education happens.
The main objections as I see them will be to question your ability to actually teach the child. It will help if you at least have a degree- although that is not a problem with homeschooling, or even a requirement, and if you are planning to use a program with teacher support as opposed to designing one of your own. You can always start with a program, and later choose a curriculum of your own after the process is finalized. The other objection that may come up deals with socialization. That's why I said to line up outside lessons and activities where the child will be involved with others of their age. Then you can argue the child will have ample opportunity for wholesome socialization and friendships, without exposure to the risks of the local school system.
Since you live in a small town, sooner or later your child will still have to deal with the whole adoption subject. Some idiot is still going to fling it at them like a weapon, to belittle them or make them feel different. My parents gave me the ulitmate answer for that, so when we moved back to my father's hometown, I was prepared. When the other children raised the issue of me being adopted, I simply remarked that at least I was chosen, so I knew my parents wanted me. Their parents, on the other hand, were stuck with them- no choice involved. They would never really know if their parents wanted to keep them or not, since they had no other choice. It did tend to shut them up rather quickly, as there was no answer back to that. It gave me a sense of being special, more so since I was chosen and loved.
You mentioned the family tree thing- and I never had a problem with that. I did actually do a family tree, and I used my family to fill it all in. I never saw the problem with using my "adoptive" family tree, as I was always treated as a part of the family and felt I was a part of it, on par with my adoptive cousins. In fact, I never used the terms biological or adoptive in reference to my family. I knew I was not blood related, but it wasn't really that important in my life. It might be differnent for an older child, I can't say. But to me and my family, we had no use for designations that made one of us different from the others. We were all family. As my mother explained to a friend who asked, some children grow in the heart, and some under it. They are all loved the same.
Good luck in the adoption, a loving family is the greatest gift to give and recieve.

Answer 2

I am not sure how an adoption agency would view homeschooling. I would think they would want proof that what you are going to do will meet the state education standards and that you will find plenty of ways for your child to socialize.

If you are planning to adopt a foreign child, then school may offer some things, at least initially, you may need help with. ESL classes (english as a second language) and other things like PT and OT (some kids from other countries have had limited room to move or exsposure to things like using pencils, self care etc and the therapists can be a good resource for helping them catch up). Of course, in you are able to provide these services from private therapists (either through your insurer or you are financailly able to cover the costs) then that would be another moot point.

I guess my biggest question is why you would want to try and avoid telling anyone the child was adopted? Since you are not looking at getting an infant, and you live in a small town, it will be pretty clear pretty quickly that you have chosen to love and parent this child. Plus, adoption takes time, with visits from social services, interveiws and the like. Again, things that would be tough to hide. Plus, a 5 to 7 year old will be aware of the fact that they have not always lived with you and are completely able to talk about it on thier own. This is not something you will be able to hide and, for your child, will have to be willing to address from the get go. As for a family tree project..the child will have a family...your's. That is all they need to know and how you choose to handle the situation is what will determine how your child will react to any negative teasing.

It sounds like you are in an area with little to offer a child. If you are serious about parenting, than you may want to look at relocating to another district with more to offer. If both parents can be home, than I am assuming money is not a huge concern. Find a place you like, that has schools you can feel comfortable trying and activities you will want your child in.

Finally, and this is most assuredly my own opinion, many adoption agencies are very hesitent to let older couples adopt. You don't mention your age, so I can only assume you and your spouse are probably into your late 40's. While there are many parents of all ages out there with much to give, I had older parents. My mother was 43, my father 45. Back in 68, this was still pretty unusual. I experienced a lot of anxiety when I was young, especially once I became aware of the fact that my parents were old enough to be my grandparents (I had a niece and nephew older than me). I spent a lot of time worrying over what would happen to me if my parents became ill or died. My parents always had things taken care of and were always very re-assuring, but it was still hard. My father passed away one month before my high school graduation. My mother passed away 2 and a half years later. WHile my father died of a massive coronary (he smoked and ate red meat like a lot of men from his generation), my mother simply died in her sleep. My worst fears had come true and they still have a huge impact on my life today. Please take all of this into consideration. No child wants to find a family only to loose it too soon.

Answer 3

Homeschooling is a growing option and a great way to educate. As long as you are prepared for the dedication it takes to teach a child and willing to learn too.
Best of luck.