IF you think wedding registry are tacky or think a person shouldn't have one why???

Question

Just wondering- I posted a couple of questions and I am getting some people stating how horrible a register is.
In my mind it's just a poliet suggestion if you would like to purchase a gift for us- this is what we need and like.
I am older and have lived on my own for years so I have most of the basics.
Why do you hate registy? Did you have a bad experiance?

My BF mom won't let her register because she though it was tacky so she refuse to let my friend register and then she received 35 set of cassorole dishes as gifts.

Answer 1

Since when were wedding registries tacky? The ITEMS within them might be tacky, but at least they give people an idea of what the couple could use. I've known young couples starting out who register for all sorts of home basics at everywhere from Crate & Barrel to Target. I've also known couples who are already well established (sometimes having lived together for some time already) who register for what I call "upgraded" items at places like Williams Sonoma and Macy's. I've seen couples with ridiculously long lists where at least I had a large range of options in terms of items and prices and I've seen couples who barely register for anything and have me scratching my head as to what to get them.

To me, a registry is a guideline based on tradition. It used to be that everyone knew what a young couple starting out needed. Then people turned that into a list so that there were less duplicate gifts. Nowadays, I see a registry as a tool to be used or ignored as I see fit. Sometimes it's easier to get something from a registry cuz I know it's something the couple wants. Sometimes when I'm very close to one or both of the couple, I already have an idea of something more personal. Part of giving a gift, to me at least, includes the recipient liking the item.

Now if we want to talk tacky, let's talk about the CONTENTS of the registries. That's where the problem lies.

Answer 2

I am not against registries, but I can tell you pros and cons

Pros:
*Nobody has to wonder what you want/need
*You can register for items as low as $5 and as high as $1000 and when the guests are going through the registry they dont have to feel bad about getting something low-cost they know you registrered for it.
*It helps to cut down on duplicate gifts

Cons:
*Many couples forget to register for a range of gifts (price-wise)
*Some Guests may not havea baranch of the store you are registered at nearby


Truthfully the only tacky thing about a registry is if you add those slips the stores give to your invitations. Nothing says tacky like inviting someone with a gift stipulation.
If you choose to register somewhere (which personally I encourage) have where you are registered only be spread by word of mouth or create a "Wedding Website" and list it somewhere there (a small link to the side usually works best) Don't emphasize your registry.

Answer 3

I think, wedding registry is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I'm not much into "foofy" gifts that I don't have any use for - I love practical stuff. I love getting something I can REALLY use. For our wedding, we registered on Amazon.com. We ended up with a great mix of gifts from books to linens to an ice cream maker. I think, it makes it easier for the folks shopping for gifts; I can't even imagine trying to come up with a gift for a newly married couple without having a registry to go by, especially if I don't know them terribly well (not everyone who's ever invited me to a wedding was my best friend, you know). People who knew us well also got us small personal gifts, in addition to an "official" gift from the registry - nothing precludes anyone from doing this. But by and large, I think the registry is a GREAT solution.

Answer 4

Let me give this a try. Weddings are not all about the gifts - it's especially brides who think this is so. You are not to invite people with the express desire just to have them gift you with something you want.
You should be inviting people to your wedding to share with you and your fiance, and your families, the joy of this very special day. It is a celebration of love, of family, of coming together and witnessing the joining of two people in love.
Guests do not "have" to bring gifts to a wedding! That is not a requirement. Most do, however, because they want to give something they think the couple may like or enjoy in their new home, usually. (It is not their "fault" that you have all the stuff to equip a house.) People want to choose something personally to express themselves - that is what gift giving is all about -matching the gift to the recipient. Thus, registries are seen as unseemly - selfish and gift-grabby-ish. Usually, if someone isn't sure what to get for a gift, they would ask a member of the family - your mom, or auntie, for example, who could find out for them.
At our wedding, and bridal shower even, we received some duplicates, which is to be expected. Sometimes people include gift receipts so you can exchange items. However, we just put away the duplicate gifts. We knew we would be married a long time - and sure enough, the coffee maker we had quit after a few years - but there was a brand, spanking new one in storage. A while later, we needed a new can opener! And it goes on --- there are still serving pieces and crystal I haven't used much after many years of marriage - but each of the gifts is special.
Can you understand a little bit better now?
By you using a registry, and expecting guests to choose from that is like you putting a list on your bathroom mirror of five things you would like for your birthday and making your husband choose one of them. The gift would not have come from his heart, it wouldn't have been his choice - and therefore, would not have as much meaning.
(sorry, didn't mean to go on... but I thought you were right in front of me and I was just trying to make you see the difference in opinion.... but it's beyond opinion, it bleeds into good taste and etiquette - how we treat other people)
Regardless of how you react, Happy Wedding to you!

Answer 5

It is OK to have a modest registry or 2, for gift ideas, but you cannot publicize the information about your own registry-- it is very rude to do so. You have to WAIT TO BE ASKED, then you can say, "Oh, we registered for a few things at gaiam.com that we like, but I'm sure whatever you feel like gifting us with would be lovely." (Maybe people are giving you a hard time becuase of you how are announcing your registry, not just because you have one?)

You can tell your parents and your maid of honor where you registered (in case anyone asks them). Beyond that, it spreads by word of mouth.

And honeymoon registries, or any services that are basically registering for money or gift cards are NOT acceptable either. Quite, quite rude.

Just because the wedding industry corporations have thought up a service to provide doesn't mean it's a polite thing that couples SHOULD use.

Answer 6

Registering is not tacky if people do it with tast... example for the couple who are on their second marriage or have been living together for a couple of years really don't need to register.... they should have everything!!! Also its takcy to put the registry card in the invitation to the wedding. I hate that. I think that a couple should register when, they live with mom and dad and once they get married its just them two... of course a young couple needs help, that is what the registry is for!!! But the best thing to do is have a bridal shower and let your invites know you have registered.... DON'T put the registry in the invitation to the wedding, that is TACKY!!!!

Answer 7

It's okay to register, but I hate opening an invitation and all these business cards fall out where the couple are registered at. That is tacky.
There is a proper way of sending any invitations. One should look into etiquette.

Answer 8

I have to agree with you. I just got married a year ago and I registered at a couple of different places. I tried to think of places that almost everyone could get to. Places like Target or a department store in your area are a great way for everyone to be able to get something. We both had a lot of the basics too. We were able to ask for things that we really wanted. For people who may only know one of you instead of both of you a regiestery is a great way for them to get a gift that you both would want.
Guests of your wedding can still give you money if they want. We had plenty of guests did that for ours. So, for me I think registerys are the way to go.
Good luck!

Answer 9

I don't think registries are tacky...but some people who request super expensive items are. I am insulted when I go to a registry, and find that everything on the list is outrageously priced--I would never ask for such extravagant gifts!

Answer 10

I think Kurt's answer is funny...registring is tacky, but asking for cash is not...Whatever!

Honestly, I believe that creating a gift registry is not only not tacky, but a considerate thing to do for those who want to give you what you need.

I believe that posting the registry information on your wedding invitation is tacky. You should not be sending out an invitation for them to buy you something, but instead an invitation to celebrate the event.