My husband asked me "If you don't have enough time for me and the kids then you need to choose."

Question

I know God says love your husband more then your children, but my children need me more then my husband does. So I told him I choose the kids. Was I wrong?

I homeschool, work part time (at hubby's request), take care of the house and cook dinner. Mon. and Tues. I was to tired to cook, so he got mad and asked me this question.

Answer 1

It sounds like you have spread yourself too thin, and or just have made your husband not your priority.

A man needs to feel wanted and loved and sometimes it is unfortunate for us women that they need to be shown this through intamacy, but what is intamacy, that is something the both of you have to define together as a couple. Many women often think that men want "it" and that isn't always the case, they need nurturing and closeness just as women do and that can come in the form of cuddling, talking, sharing in activies.

opening the lines of communication is key. Your husband obviously feels something is missing, and he may be wrong, but it is the way he percieves it. Think of his feelings too, he goes to work doesn't see you all day ( or what ever his work schedual allows) and he comes home and sees you interact with your child or children you share together but he hardly gets an nod or a kiss from you. He feels put out that you fuss over your children all day, and he can't get that same attention or anything equal to it. You need to put your husband first because in doing so you will be thinking of your child, it is the most loving act two parents can do for thier children... STAY TOGETHER IN A LOVING RELATIONSHIP. You need to work on that and nurture that... if not it will become stagnant and disolve into something you both don't want... bitterness and hate.

Your child needs to develop independance, they don't need to cling to you every waking moment... allow your child to play quietly while you and your husband share a loving talk at the kitchen table, or in the living room, even if it's an half an hour cuddling with your husband while your child is off on it's own reading a book, playing quietly, your hubby will appreaciate that.
He isn't demanding like you think, just try to reverse the roles, how would you feel?

try talking to your husband about your wants and desires, and allow him the same opportunity. Together you can discover the spark again, and showing affection in an appropriate way infront of your children isn't a bad thing, your child sees that you have to be shared amoungst the family and daddy wants a hug too..

My daughter squeezes in between our legs as we share a quite hug in the kitchen and hugs us both... Her daddy works away from the home, and she can be quite demanding when he is home, she's use to me all by herself, and that isn't healthy... Kids need boundaries, and should not be allowed to mainipulate any parent, or both parents into divorce, that is where you are headed if you can't or refuse to compromise.

I understand, I am a homeschooler myself, and stay at home mom, but I love my husband just as much as I love our child...
If you believe that God brought you together, then it's up to you both, and sometimes it feels like you work harder at staying together than your significant other does, but you have to do your best, and your best sometimes IS more that what the other person is able to give ( didn't say willing, said able) and it boils down to understanding and love... which God says is unconditional, long suffering, does not boast, is kind, gentle...
Love your husband like you love yourself, like you love no other, your child will thank you for the wonderful memories when they are grown up!

God Bless,
Shannon

Answer 2

Like you said the kids are having a hard time coping with the new changes two homes a baby, feeling they are being tossed around. pretending to be sick is the only attention they get...their dad has a new wife ,in their eyes you get the most attention especially with the pregnancy they feel they are losing out...maybe there mom is also in a new relationship and is not giving them the attention they need... people forget that when bringing babies into the world it takes more than feeding them and cleaning them to keep them happy have the dad spend more time alone with them like taking them to the movies or the park just them alone after all before there was you they were already there a new relationship always time away from the children, you wouldn't want that done to your children if their dad had a new relationship the kids feel the same way. ... He is the father after all and right now that is all they need... after all they are only children.. @sweet what a horrible thing to do to children...woman like you shouldn't be moms...

Answer 3

hello:}
children need both parents ,i don't know your story but there should not be a choice like this ,your husband needs attention sure but children also do ....
usually when someone has to choose there is really something very wrong .most fathers do not make their wives CHOOSE .
perhaps you are already choosing the children over him in matters that you are not discussing with him >????perhaps he is feeling left out of decisions ????
working together and staying together is hard work ,children need lots of attention no doubt but the relationship between husband and wife also has to be nurtured .so inless there is physical abuse or extreme mental abuse try to work things out as a family and remember that he is PART of the family also ...
it is difficult to keep everyone happy and still have time for yourself to ,almost impossible [been there done that ].
try to do things with the whole family and you will raise children to understand that a loving relationship takes hard work and time too .

Answer 4

No. You werent wrong at all!! If your husband didnt have a good relationship with the kids and forced you to decide which part of your life you wantd more, you made a very good decision. You know you did because if you think about what would have happened to your kids if you were to pick your husband, you know you made the perfect choice!!!

Answer 5

Wow! I don't think that your choice is wrong - I think that he was wrong for putting you in that position.
Your husband is an adult, and, you are right, he is/shhould be self sufficient.
Your children are your children. They depend on you for so many things including guidance and protection. To "abandon" them, would be be a violation of God's will.
You made the right decision. Hopefully, your husband will come around and realize what a fool he's been.

Answer 6

god said that? so that's where my husbands mom gets it. she's always told her sons her husband (and now the church) is more important than they are, and that's a real hurtful thing to say. he's never forgotten that.
i dont think you were wrong, but why would your husband make you choose? that's not right and you should never have to choose between your husband, kids and anything! you two should talk it out and find out how you two can fix whatever problem he thinks is there.

Answer 7

When did God say you were to love your husband more than your kids? Actually, He told the husbands to love their wives. He should be concerned that you have too much to do, and want to do evreything in his power to help you. Don't let him manipulate you. Sounds like an abusive husband, even if he does not abuse you physically - - he doesn't, does he? Because giving in to his manipulation could lead him to the next step, which could be physical abuse.

Answer 8

Somethings bothering him if he needs to ask you this. You shouldn't be made to choose. Open up the communication between the two of you and if need be seek therapy.

If you are too busy away from the home then maybe you should cut down on your activities and spend more time at home.

Answer 9

Your kids need you and your husband needs a shrink or a good a** kicking -

You were not wrong - it sounds like your husband loves neither you or the kids to force such a horrible choice on you.

Answer 10

God never said to love the husband more than the kids.