how should i treat my b/f now?

Question

My b/f and i just recently had a baby. I dont have much time to myself now. My b/f hasnt taken me out or anything because he says he cant afford it right now. Ive treid to be understanding about this and ive treid not to be too demanding of his time. He just recently went to a stripclub with his coworkers. It bothered me that he wanted to go( i feel uncomfortable with the idea of him looking at other women, especially after giving birth just 6 weeks ago) but i told him i didnt mind just as long as he didnt spend too much of his money. Later that night, he lied and said he had money left over. We had to buy formula for our baby. He then told me later when i asked for it that he had spent it all. He had about $150 when he left that night. Im really mad at him but this is the first time he has done anything like this. I dont know how to talk to him about it without getting jealous and upset. How should i talk to him and how can i feel better about myself and our relationship?

i am 21 and my b/f is 23.

Answer 1

*It's unfortunate that you are finding this out now, AFTER the baby is here.

You have to sit down with him and tell him:

FIRST PRIORITY - the baby and ALL its needs
SECOND PRIORITY - the bills, the food, the non-discretionary expenses
THIRD PRIORITY - save an amount for emergencies

if there is anything left over, you SPLIT it. what he does with his half you don't care; what you do with your half is not his concern

then you will have taken care of all the needs your family has - he is not a solo act any longer. if he doesn't like it, remind him that he is responsible for a family now. if he still doesn't like it, I'm sure he will like it even less if you were to break up and you sued him for support

Answer 2

No honey, this is NOT the first time and it will not be the last either.

This is the first time you KNEW about it.

So, T&A were more important than his son eating, huh?

Let me tell you this, from a woman who is going through the same thing.

I found out about 3 mos. ago that my bf was going 3-4 times a week for the last YEAR! We have a 1 year old together.

I am working on a plan of action, but let me tell you this... Once I found out that he was going (through a friend that went with him) he SWORE he would quit going... Every month on the bank statement there are STILL ATM withdrawls from the address of his favorite strip club.... And I wondered why our son only had 3 outfits.

Anyway, this may not apply to you now, but it probably will in the future. He's already lied to your face. These places are addictive. It's gonna get worse.


Get a job as soon as your baby gets old enough.


I thought your question for a while.... contact me on myspace, if you ever want someone to talk to... I am 21 as well.

Answer 3

First of all, the baby should be his priority. Spending his money at a strip club is not responsible knowing that the baby will need formula, diapers, whatever. Going to the club isn't as big of a deal as him spending all the money and not having any for the nessecities. On the other hand. he had time to go out with the guys, but can't afford to take you out after having his baby. This is what you do when you get some extra money and a chance to go out, go. Only you can treat you like you deserve.

Answer 4

breastfeed and save money. he is not ready to settle down and be responsible. he is probably scared. overwhelmed as you are. there is so much that could be wrong. sit him down and have a heart to heart without yelling, without name calling, without blaming. tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels. both of you listen and work it out. you dont say how old you are, but why arent you married? if you love each other enough to have a baby, then you should love each other enough to get married and give that baby a name together.

Answer 5

honey if he is going to the strip clubs then he isn't committed to you or his baby,especially if he spent 150 and didn't bother to get his baby formula. why be jealous? not much of a man to be jealous about. he will only break your heart. get the child support and move on to someone who is love with you

Answer 6

i would be furious with him ,your at home with baby and your b/f is with co-workers at a meat market,all the time he told you he can't afford to take you out.his bags would be waiting at the front door,knowing fully well you have a baby to feed and blew all the money at the STRIP JOINT wether its his first time doing it that was very selfish of him.he's thinking with his willy not his brain
i think your to easy on him allowing him to even go there when he's got you had home.i would put a scare into him and tell him he will have to leave if he does it again.besides if he can't even afford to take you out,how did he manage to go out with his friends?i would not be impressed.

Answer 7

He is being inconsiderate of you and your feelings but you have to understand that he is feeling what you are feeling. Be spontaneous and try to have a good time inside together go online or think of creative ways to turn him on and boost yourself esteem. Then plan to do something new once a week. You dont have to go out to have a good time.


It will work out fine.

Answer 8

I would be pissed that my baby was starving just so he could go see some t it s and a ss. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his child

Answer 9

ok im going to be straight forward. you need to get a job girl. dont depend on him to help you and your baby cause he is a man and men are stupid pigs and big jerks. if you already gotta job then just leave him and be by yourself cause he isnt the father type.

Answer 10

tell him how u feel and he needs to get his priorities right! house/baby come b4 pleasure and fun